Parents, Exams, Girlfriend

[Rich]

hi guys,

been away for a while but I'm really stressed out about an ongoing situation I'm in.

Basically, I got 11 exams coming up which will decide which university I get into. My parents, would have me working everyday all day (except for a few breaks here and there). On the other hand, I have my gf who wants to see me (and I want to see her) then there's me in the middle.

I've been trying really hard to find a ballance between time off with my gf and working, but nothing seems to keep everyone happy and its really getting to me.

My folks never seem to want me to see my gf alow anyway for some reason which doesnt help. I know I need to do well but I'm trying to ballance my time off and my working but my parents dont think I'm working enough.
They dont like me stopping over her house (even though all her family would be there and were both 18) so then when I try to see my gf they get mad, and when I cant see my gf she gets mad. Feels like I'm in the middle of a tug of war and I'm getting really stressed out. Please help.

[doppelgaenger]

When you become a man, you learn to not play by anyone else's rules but your own. Personally, if my parents got all pissy because they didn't like my GF, I'd tell them to kiss my ass. Of course, you're probably a little more dependent on them than I ever was on mine, though. On the other hand, your GF can't really blame you for having obligations. Always put school before everything else, even if it pisses someone off. Second, learn to become less dependent on your parents if they are going to treat you as an indentured servant. Lastly, you're young, kid. Use your free time while you have it... some day you will have many more responsibilities than you have now.

[Rich]

Thanks for the reply. I needed to hear that.
I know I have to do well in my exams, but I want to take charge of it myself. I want to do my own thing and if I mess it all up, it will suck, but I'll take responsibility for the grades I get or for the mistakes I make in other areas of my life.
I think I might just sit down with them and tell them that, soon. I'm sick of arguing with them and maybe if they realise that I want to be in control of what I do, and how I work we'll all be able to get on a bit better. I really dont want to hurt their feelings though, I love my family very much and they just want me to do well. I'm not sure how to do this without hurting their feelings?

Thanks for the advice.

[Rich]

parents made it pretty clear their not going to change their opinions on my work saying its their 'duty of care' or something.

Things are taking a seemingly downward turn

[VincenzoG91]

Your parents at least care about your future. If your girlfriend sees a future with you, she should want you to do well in school.

[vashti]

Your parents want you to go to university, don't they? How many hours are they requiring you to work? They probably think that if you have time for girls, you have time for work.

In my opinion, at 18, your priorities should be 1) education, 2) family, 3) girlfriend. Your parents probably have the same priorities, because they understand that girlfriends at your age are transitory. They probably don't want you hanging out with her too much because girls are distracting, and sometimes end up pregnant.

You need to be highly organized at this time in your life, and you need to focus on your education. If you have to work, then I think you should cut back on your time with the girlfriend to maybe one night a week. If she doesn't understand how important it is that you get yourself in to a good school. she's stupid, and you should get rid of her. The rest of your time should be focused on work and school. There will be time for girls later.

[devonbrown]

You said you would take responsibility if you scored poorly, etc. But what I think you are missing is that your parents are trying to help you never have to deal with that. Your parents are simply trying to share with you what they think you should do based on their experience. They may not be communicating it well, but it is really meant out of good.
Does your gf not have any exams she needs to study for? What if you invited her over to your house to study and then you could take a few breaks here and there and hang out?
If your gf doesn't have exams, she needs to understand that this is important for what you want to do in life. She should hopefully be mature enough to understand that. And if she is giving you hell because you are studying and not being with her 24/7, then she is not really understanding.
If you want, look at the three aspects in terms of past/present/future.

Parents -- Always there for you in the past. / Trying to guide you in the present. / To help you be happy in the future. In general, parents should always be there for their children, so I don't think anything they are doing is malicious.
Schooling -- Designed as a method for educating you. / Offering you opportunities to qualify for further education which would help you. / In future schooling, jobs, careers, etc, the education you receive will help you achieve better pay, higher promotions, and greater success overall. In general, schooling is not fun but important.
Girlfriend -- Didn't exist as your girlfriend until X number of months/years ago. / Currently the most important thing to you because you like her and you enjoy being with her. / Chances are this girl will not be the girl you are with forever. Just statistically speaking. So she might not even be in the picture next year at this time. In general, she is the immediate satisfaction, but probably the least important for your future success.

I am not saying don't see her at all. Just talk to her and make sure she understands how important these exams are to you. Don't throw away a good possible future for a few nights of young love.

Good luck.