Should I accept and be happy with Just living together?

[JustMary]

Hi...I am in a 4 year relationship we have lived together for 3 of the 4 years and have a 2 year old son together.
We are both dlvorced,both married at a young age and both married 15 plus years.
Our relationship has had it's up and downs,when I moved in with him he said that he wanted to marry me. Now he says that he doesnt want to get married that it changes things.
I would have never got involved or had a child with someone whom I thought would not want to get married on day.
Im so confused.I love him,He says he loves me, We already live together,have a child together,what else would it change? I just don't understand and he will not talk about it.

[VincenzoG91]

What state do you live in? Maybe he will be your common law husband soon enough anyway. It's too bad that you had a kid with him, though. Marriage is about commitment, so a guy who doesn't want to get married is unwilling to make a long-term commitment to a relationship.

[JustMary]

What state do you live in? Maybe he will be your common law husband soon enough anyway. It's too bad that you had a kid with him, though. Marriage is about commitment, so a guy who doesn't want to get married is unwilling to make a long-term commitment to a relationship.

We live in Florida
I just feel so torn,I love him and want a life with him. I can't help but to feel that If he really loved me he would at the least say I dont want to get married now for whatever reason but you are who I want to spend my life with. With him not being able to even tell me that I feel that maybe he loves me because Im the mother of his child but isnt in love with me and just doesnt want to tell me that. I do not want to spend years with a man that I adore only to find out that he doent feel the same.
How could I get him to open up and really talk to me about how he feels without him feeling pressured?

[HopeYouGetThis]

It's definitely about what you want out of this relationship. It is unfortunate he's not willing to open up to you and discuss why he doesn't want to get married. If I was in your situation, I would feel like I entered the relationship on false pretenses because he initially said he wanted to get married. As hard as it would be, I would stick to what I believe in and push for marriage. However, you know the situation best, and you have to decide if he's worth settling for.

[smackie9]

Why men won't commit: #1, boredom. They fear routine, lackluster sex and being in a place where they are just waiting to die.

#2, fear of failure...since he has already failed one marriage, why go through that again.

#3,There are things they want you to change about yourself.

#4, You already live together, have a kid, so why bother.

#5, the sad reality, you are not "the one". Love is love, but not the intense, deep connected love that comes from great compatibility.


Kicking, screaming, b itiching and complaining or giving him an ultimatum is not the way to deal with this. You must talk to him about it, and be very real about it. Ask serious intense questions about what changes need to be made in your relationship to take to the next level of commitment. It could go either way so be prepared you may not end up together as husband and wife after all.