Future relationship advice.......help

[Awesome-O-5000]

Okay so this is my dilemma, I recently got out of a relationship which was for the best because it was a waste of my time, money, and emotions. I ended up finding out things about my GF (from other people) that disgusted me and actually were the deal breakers for me. For instance….I found out that…

1. She lost her virginity at 13…(not only is it too young but also a deal breaker for me because I’m still a proud virgin at 19 going on 20)

2. My track and field buddies started placing bets on how long it would take me to get into her pants…(RED flag, as well as some of them were telling stories about how they banged her)

3. She has been with and or had 10+ different guys in her, maybe more from what I could come up with.

4. I was also told by a friend that she had sex with a dude in the school theatre…(asked her about it and got no answer)

5. So from what you just read you can probably tell I am not looking for someone who is “used” because I am not (no offense).

So like any relationship it all started out well, I hinted to her that I was a virgin which she was fine with (of course what girl wouldn’t want to take a V-Card) and I told her that sex was out of the picture, not because of religious reasons but because I didn’t want to, do to the fact that everyone out there was F#&n around and I didn’t want to be part of it….so she was okay with it, probably thinking I was kidding.

A month passes and she finally got it to her head I was serious about my decision (she tried her moves, invited me over to her house…..the whole 9 yards). (this is when I started finding out about her past sadly from other people and not from her, I did try to talk to her about past partners but she laughed it off and said things like “you’re the only one for me,” “you’re my only partner now” and other bull, just so she wouldn’t have to answer the question. After finding out about #1-4 I didn’t even want to hold her hand)

Another month passes, well to sum it all up….she ended up calling it quits through a text message (face to face would have been better) saying that “I have never dated a guy like you before, most guys I’m with he is probably “doing things” to me and I’m going things to him in the first week of our relationship or even doing “it”………and of course the lets be friends”

So ya, you see my dilemma.

Recently I’ve found a girl that I like, and she likes me back. So my question would be should I tell her that I am not looking to date a girl that has had a sexual partners, and a few of my other deal breakers before we get into a relationship or should I wait and tell her later on. I just don’t want to get attached to someone again and go through that same sh!t all over again, aw well as put in the time and effort into starting a relationship that will fail, and last but not least the last thing I want to do is spend money on a girl that will have to hit the road eventually.

So…..should I take her aside after class and tell her that…“Hey (girl’s name) before we get into a relationship I would like you to know that I am a virgin, so if we were to start dating sex would be off the table. Not because there is something wrong with me down stairs, or anything related to religion, its just because I choose to wait till I get married, unfortunately for this relationship to even start you must also be a virgin otherwise I just don’t see it going anywhere”…etc etc.

So what should I do? From the girl’s perspective would you rather have a guy tell you up front what he wants/expects out of a relationship (like my take her aside idea), so you and he knows in advance if it’s doomed to fail? If there are guys that have already done this I’d like your input as well, and how it went (if you’re reading it). And most importantly if there are any girls/women/ladies that can help me out I would appreciate it.

-Well thanks in advance for reading this and helping me out, I know it’s a bit long but I never really talked about this with anyone else (I keep things to myself). So this is my way of venting, as well as getting help/advice and if you have any questions I will be happy to answer them.

[Spring Haze]

You should bypass the girl completely by listening to locker room talk, and running your own background check. You seem good at that.

[surfhb]

JACKASS!

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/52808-future-relationship-advice-help.html[/url]

[ShellyZ]

First of all, don't tell the girl what she must be in order for the relationship to work. Just tell her what you are and what you want. For example: "I'm a virgin and I plan on waiting for marriage, and I'm only willing to date virgins." That's all you have to say. Then she will either say "Great, I'm a virgin and I want to wait for marriage too" and she'll be happy to date you, or she'll say "I'm a virgin but I don't want to wait for marriage" or "I'm not a virgin" and she will decide not to date you. So yes, talk to her and be upfront about your values, but don't be a jerk. Try not to judge other people, k?

[Awesome-O-5000]

First of all, don't tell the girl what she must be in order for the relationship to work. Just tell her what you are and what you want. For example: "I'm a virgin and I plan on waiting for marriage, and I'm only willing to date virgins." That's all you have to say. Then she will either say "Great, I'm a virgin and I want to wait for marriage too" and she'll be happy to date you, or she'll say "I'm a virgin but I don't want to wait for marriage" or "I'm not a virgin" and she will decide not to date you. So yes, talk to her and be upfront about your values, but don't be a jerk. Try not to judge other people, k?

Thanks for your advice...well I'm not a jerk to begin with but I see how what I wrote can be missinterpreted.....Thanks ShellyZ

[IndigoGal]

Good advice from ShellyZ. Just lay out what you want, and let her decide if that works for her. I wouldn't advise you to do it after class though. Frankly, I think that's most appropriate as first date talk, unless you two are friends and talk regularly.

Also, just to let you know, there are plenty of girls out there who aren't interested in taking a guy's V Card. That seems to be something men are more keen on.

[Awesome-O-5000]

Good advice from ShellyZ. Just lay out what you want, and let her decide if that works for her. I wouldn't advise you to do it after class though. Frankly, I think that's most appropriate as first date talk, unless you two are friends and talk regularly.

Also, just to let you know, there are plenty of girls out there who aren't interested in taking a guy's V Card. That seems to be something men are more keen on.

Thanks for the input IndigoGal, I'll probably bring it up on the first date like you said.

[surfhb]

Also, just to let you know, there are plenty of girls out there who aren't interested in taking a guy's V Card. That seems to be something men are more keen on.

....where did you get this idea from? " Virginity taking" is something left to high school and college kids. Only perverts are into things like that

First of all, don't tell the girl what she must be in order for the relationship to work. Just tell her what you are and what you want. For example: "I'm a virgin and I plan on waiting for marriage, and I'm only willing to date virgins." That's all you have to say. Then she will either say "Great, I'm a virgin and I want to wait for marriage too" and she'll be happy to date you, or she'll say "I'm a virgin but I don't want to wait for marriage" or "I'm not a virgin" and she will decide not to date you. So yes, talk to her and be upfront about your values, but don't be a jerk. Try not to judge other people, k?

I swear...Am I on another planet here? Do you actually think this is appropriate conversion on a first date? Just a simple conversation about past relationships will give you your answer.. ***Hand Slapping Forehead***

[Awesome-O-5000]

Surfhd, hey if you don't like whats being said here then move on to the next thread. No need to get all stressed about someone elses problem.

[girl68]

Oh hell yes you need to tell her immediately. It's fine to have this opinion (I guess) but realize not only have you dramatically limited your dating pool you're also probably going to get a whole fuk of a lot of negative judgement. I suggest you go to bible bootcamp and pick up a bible thumper. Lots of virgins there.

I stand by you need to bring up these deal breakers ASAP so that that chick can get out of there ASAP.