Friends with an ex?

[chica]

Hi everyone. I dated this guy for two months, and we broke up. Basically, he had a nervous breakdown because he was dealing with a lot of stress in his life, but now he is doing okay. I thought that everything was going fine, so the break up was a bit of a shock.

After it happened, we discussed why we broke up. He said that he wasn't really ready for another relationship. He had dated a girl for four years, and he said that he was over her (I believe him). He doesn't really even talk to her and says that he doesn't really have a desire to. However, he said that he just didn't take enough time to figure out what he wanted out of life after getting out of the relationship. He got into another relationship, thought he was ready (because he said we got along so well), but then realized that he didn't really know how to handle another relationship so soon.

The thing is, we would still like to be friends because we both have a lot of common interests and we understand each other. Also, we are keeping the possibility of a future relationship open; we think we might work out if we both get our feet on the ground first this time. If this happens, we want it to happen naturally, and not force a relationship to happen.

Anyway, we've broken up for about two weeks. We talk occasionally through texts or facebook. From what I understand, we both still have feelings for each other (we studied together and he confessed to me over facebook that he really wanted to hold my hand but knew that he couldn't). We both really miss each other but we know that a relationship just wouldn't work out right now. We don't want to lose each other.

So, what should I do? I have to talk to him about some matters due to clubs/school. However, should I try to be his friend now? Should I try to go do things with him as a friend (such as studying, running, etc.)? Or should I give him his space and cut off all contact with him?

It's still a bit hard, but I'm starting to be able to see myself passing time with him just as a friend, without trying to flirt with him or get physically close to him.

What do you all think?

[pisces25]

I'm starting to be able to see myself passing time with him just as a friend, without trying to flirt with him or get physically close to him
If you think you can handle being a friend at this point and are certain there are no feelings for wanting anything else then sure it is ok to stay friends. You just need to be ok with stuff like if he is flirting with others or meets someone else (not for a relationship just casually). Don't be his friend for the sake of being able to be in front of him and in his life so you can keep tabs on him. Maybe ask him if he is feeling comfortable with the whole friends thing at this point or if he needs more time? It sounds at this point the feelings are still there for you both so if it is only friendship you are both after more time may be beneficial. Then you can start again as friends down the track and see if it develops into something more. Be careful not to put your life on hold waiting for him though, you could miss out on a whole heap of wonderful opportunities otherwise.

[DarkHelmet82]

No.. it never works... you are just making it harder on yourself... trust me.. eventually friendship can develop but not so soon.

also when a person says "I am not ready for a relationship" that means "I am not ready for a relationship with YOU." If the reight person comes along they wouldnt say no... you need to cut all contact, because it will happen again.

[chirping]

it is possible to be friends but it really depends on how you left things off before the break up and why you broke up.

i am friends with an ex, my first. but when we broke up, we have completely fallen out of love with each other but were still close as friends. so the break up was more a formality. when we started hanging out with each other, there were no more "romantic" tension so it was easy. we started out as friends, so we went back to being friends.