My ex and I share a small child, we met in January 2007, had our child in 2008. In January 2009 we broke up for a few months but still continued to live together until she moved out. We reconciled in June 2009 (she had been seeing someone, I didnt). In Dec 2009 we broke up again. We reconciled in March and then broke up in April. Then reconciled in June and then broke up in August 2010 (she met another guy and dumped me). We reconciled in Sept and she dumped me again in Oct 2010 (on my birthday) and met another guy she dated until January 2011.
Now, most of you are thinking that I am just torturing myself reconciling all the time while she sleeps with other guys. And maybe I was. We reconciled AGAIN in January this year only for me to break it off in February because she told me she was sleeping with all these guys and I couldnt deal with it. I sent letters, emails, flowers, anything to let her know I made a mistake and all she said was YES, I made a HUGE mistake. A week later she is seeing someone else.
The sick thing is I LOVE this woman. She is 34, I am 39. Yes, I did have some self esteem issues, I was overweight (I lost 80 lbs this last year), I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and may have pushed her away. But now I feel good about me, and I have dated a little, I STILL cant let go of her. Each day is supposed to bring less pain but it seems to be getting worse before its getting better!
She has dated/slept with 4 men in the last 2 years and I KEEP on going back when she wants to reconcile. I think of her all the time, I dream about her, I love her soooo much, I want us to be a family still, I see her at pick up/drop off's of our son, I think of her too much. I cant do this anymore, I need to move on, to NOT compare her to other women I date...yet I do and I wind up hurting myself over and over.
I need to get out of this circle or cycle of pain. How do I jsut let her go finally and accept the last 4 years are over and its time to move on? Just typing this brings tears to my eyes.
Help me please.