Confused as to what I should do....

[TSA09]

There's this girl that I like and she's pretty much my best friend. In the previous summer/fall and earlier this year I said some very hurtful things to her because I thought she was avoiding me and didn't want to have anything to do with me and I really hurt her. A week ago tomorrow, my father passed away which really hit me hard. I talked to her and apologized for all the things I said to her and she forgave me. Yesterday the service for my father was at my house and she came by to talk to me but she didn't stay long as she had other stuff to do -- but she did get off work early to be here for me. We made plans to see Scream 4 next Friday night, but she's moving to Florida to go to video game art school and she also has a boyfriend (though she didn't talk about him, even when we made plans to go out). I don't know how serious the relationship is and I don't want to mess it up for her, but I have some strong feelings for her. Not to sound like an ass, but I doubt the relationship is going to last any longer considering she's moving away and LDRs don't always work out (just my opinion). I do want to sleep with her, but that's not what I base our friendship all about -- she was here for me and I'll be there for her when she needs anything. It's hard for me to meet other people, especially girls, but I've known her for three years. I just don't know what to do or how she'll respond if I tell her I want to sleep with her before she leaves. Advice?

[devonbrown]

It sounds like you two are strictly friends. Telling her you want to sleep with her before she leaves will just rub her the wrong way and cause difficulties in your friendship. I would keep the desire to bed her to yourself, especially since she has a boyfriend, and simply enjoy the friendship you have with her. There will be other girls for potential romance in the future.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

Dude you are in the friends zone so there is no hope for a relationship. If she liked you in a romantic way she would have let you know 3 years before. Guys like you that lack confidence and experience with girls always fall into the friends trap. If you want a GF you have to work on your self esteem, get your confidence level up and get over your fear of approaching girls.....there is no other way. Tip: never be friends with girls you want as a GF. You never give a girl unlimited attention unless you are in a relationship. Never be eager to please a girl or they will use you as their emotional tampon.......this it the real deal, you need to make changes in your life to get a life.

[Bonfire]

Here she is forgave you for saying hurtful things to her. Then she comes out to comfort you during one of your worst moments as a good friend that she is. Here you are thinking about telling her "Hey, I want to sleep with you." Does it look right to you? Isn't it a bit creepy? Not to mention you know she has a boyfriend too. You say you care about her, but you obviously have not consider how your actions would have affected her.

[SapphireBerry]

No hope here I'm afraid and it seems like you're trying to say your liking for her is almost based on lust when you say "I want to sleep with her". Well of course you would if you were attracted to her... But yeah, she's moving away and you my friend, should probably move on, bite down on the sour lemon :/

[TSA09]

Here's a little bit of backstory. I'm 21 and she's 19. I've never had a girlfriend or anything of the sort, though she's been in a few relationships the past couple of years but none of them have lasted for more than a couple of weeks to a month. In high school she dated this guy (who I'm friends with now) for three years but she cheated on him (not sure how many times but it was more than once) and they broke up the summer (I believe) when I graduated which was two years ago this summer. She says she still loves him but they're just like best friends now. She's been dating the current guy since February I believe (one of my friends told me this) but I don't know how serious it is. I met her in my senior year and we became friends though we weren't really close or anything and we only talked at school. Last year I hung out with her a couple times and I wanted to hang out with her all the time (like I was always messaging her almost every week to make plans) and it just pushed her away. I got angry and thought I wouldn't ever see her again so I messaged her how I felt (bad idea, I know) and told her I wanted to hang out all the time because I liked her and I wanted to wait for the right time to tell her. This was in October/early November btw, and she had just broke up with another guy in October. In January I sent her a hateful message which really hurt her and she said we'll never be friends again. I sent her a few messages between then and late-February/early-March trying to talk to her but she ignored all of them. I didn't talk to her again until I told her about my dad and she said she forgives me and she's sorry to hear what happened. When she came up here on Thursday she told me that all of that stuff is in the past and she's gotten over it. So we made plans to see a movie for next Friday and hopefully it's just me and her and she doesn't bring her boyfriend or her best friend with her.

Now I know that it doesn't mean she likes me (at least now in THAT way) just because we're seemingly starting over again, but she doesn't hate me or anything and it shows that she's a genuinely good person. Maybe telling her I want to sleep with her is way too much but I at least want to kiss her. She's only leaving on next Saturday to go visit the school that she's attending but I consider next Friday to be out goodbyes to each other (at least for now). She said that she's still going to come back to visit for holidays and such so maybe I'll still see her then. But, I know not to be obsessive with her like I was a year ago and I'm not going to be messaging her every week while she's away. I've barely spoken to her at all except for a couple messages on FB and her visit at my place. I'm going to try to talk to other girls but like I said, it's hard for me.

[TSA09]

bump. Also,

Dude you are in the friends zone so there is no hope for a relationship. If she liked you in a romantic way she would have let you know 3 years before. Guys like you that lack confidence and experience with girls always fall into the friends trap. If you want a GF you have to work on your self esteem, get your confidence level up and get over your fear of approaching girls.....there is no other way. Tip: never be friends with girls you want as a GF. You never give a girl unlimited attention unless you are in a relationship. Never be eager to please a girl or they will use you as their emotional tampon.......this it the real deal, you need to make changes in your life to get a life.

I never said anything about wanting a relationship with her and there is no such thing as "the friend zone". How am I supposed to get into a relationship with a girl without being friends with her first? That doesn't make any sense.

[Bonfire]

I never said anything about wanting a relationship with her and there is no such thing as "the friend zone". How am I supposed to get into a relationship with a girl without being friends with her first? That doesn't make any sense.

Being friends and being in the "friends-zone" is not the same thing. Being in the friend-zone means the girl will only see you as a friend and not interested in any relationship with you. In other words, she is not sexually attracted to you. And also it is possible to get into a relationship with a girl before being friends. Have you heard of pick up? You see a girl somewhere and you find her attractive, you go up to her, talk to her and then ask her for her number and ask her out. Some guys do this on a regular basis, and they jump straight into relationships never went through the friends route.

[smackie9]

OK I will explain it to you. We all know girls and guys are wired differently and look at relationships differently. "The friends zone" is a very real place indeed. I myself have put many of guys in "the friends zone" and have no intention of ever dating them. Sorry but it's just the way I feel and many other females living on this planet. So this is how it goes.....A girl can be emotionally attached to you without being sexually attracted to you. How is that so, when we have so much in common? Well girls love attention from guys. And even if you get along great doesn't mean they feel anything for you sexually. As someone has said on here, they use you for their emotional tampon. When girls are single, and a guy is eagerly giving them attention, they will take it, because they don't have a BF to give then attention and why give you any sexual interest when they get it for nothing?

And you never said you wanted a relationship with her? That's a load...I read your post and you stated you have feeling for her. You may not want to mess things up for her and her BF, but I damn well know you f#$@ken wish she didn't have that BF so you can have her. I'm no dummy, I've see this crap on the boards for years. Dude if she wanted you she would have ditched that BF a long time ago to be with you. Girls don't wait around doing nothing when they desire someone.

As for getting to know someone...have you not ever heard of dating? That is where you get to know someone....by taking them out for dinner and talking to them....that is how adults do it. That is how you stay out of the friends zone. If they say no to a date, you just saved yourself months of BS wondering if they like you. I'm try to teach you something here in order to be successful in finding yourself a GF. Confidence and growing some balls to ask an attractive girl out is your key to success....period.

[smackie9]

Being friends and being in the "friends-zone" is not the same thing. Being in the friend-zone means the girl will only see you as a friend and not interested in any relationship with you. In other words, she is not sexually attracted to you. And also it is possible to get into a relationship with a girl before being friends. Have you heard of pick up? You see a girl somewhere and you find her attractive, you go up to her, talk to her and then ask her for her number and ask her out. Some guys do this on a regular basis, and they jump straight into relationships never went through the friends route.

I was never friends with my husband. When we first officially met, he asked me out on a date and the rest is history......we have been together for over 21 years.

[smackie9]

I was never friends with my husband. When we first officially met, he asked me out on a date and the rest is history......we have been together for over 21 years.

I think I was the one that picked him up lol.

[Bonfire]

I think I was the one that picked him up lol.

More girls should be like you My first girlfriend ever picked me up at the library.lol I learned a lot from her.

[TSA09]

Well I didn't make a move on her. I know it's the right thing to do considering the situation, but I somewhat feel like I chickened out. I may see her again before she officially moves to Florida in May/June (she's just visiting over the weekend) and she told me she'd let me know -- but I don't really trust that she will. She probably thinks that I'm going to flip out on her or something but I'm not. I did hug her though but it was just a friendly thing to do. Her boyfriend called while we were on the way home -- kind of awkward. I don't know how her relationship with him is. I don't know if they're going to break up when she leaves or try to keep the relationship going but whatever she does, I'm happy for her. It's just going to take me a while to get over her because there are some personal problems (both physically and mentally) that I have to deal with. It's hard for me to meet new people and all that.

[TSA09]

bump. Anymore advice?

[smackie9]

Maybe get involved with others that have the same physical and mental challenges as you. Having things in common is a great ice breaker. There must be groups or societies that hold charity or awareness events that you could participate in.