How to get over an ex that is dating someone else?

[donelly1]

I have posted up a couple of other times on the forums about my situation. About a week and a half ago my gf of 2 years broke up with me we are on and off long distance and the last time I saw her was 3 months ago. Its a long story but the short of it is that we broke up and are doing NC. Just 2 weeks ago to me it seemed like everything was fine. We were talking a few times a day and sending corny love messages back and forth like usual. It hit me like a ton of bricks when she wanted a break and I was so surprised. Part of the reason I moved across the world was to be closer to her.

Lately Im having such a hard time coping with the situation. Its caught me by surprise and Im not sure what to do. I know I need to keep busy and be social to keep my mind off of her but its hard because im in a new city where I dont know anyone.

I went out with a co worker last night to the bar and had a few drinks but that was a horrible idea. Once I had a alcohol it made me think of her 100 percent more. I just couldnt stop thinking about how she is with this other guy. The thought of them dancing, kissing, screwing each other is just driving me insane! I cant believe that after everything we have gone through together she has fallen for some other guy, and only after a week or so after our 2 year relationship. It really is just unbelievable for me to think that she is with someone else and sometimes I feel like this is all just a bad dream. I know with time it will get better and Im gonna avoid drinking for awhile, but does anyone have any advice for me to get over her?

Of course I would love to have her back. She was my first long term relationship and I have really strong feelings for her. We were really happy together and always doing stuff and laughing. Even on the break up phonecall there was a lot of emotions. I was more surprised than anything and I felt helpless cause there is only so much I can do being on the other side of the world from her, but she was extremely sad and crying the whole time saying that there wasnt anyone else and said a few times that she doesnt wanna break up. To me its bs though because a break is basically breaking up. A few days after we were on the break I sent her a short message saying how the break was strange and either we are together or we arent. I said we should break up and that we shouldnt contact each other from that point on because I dont wanna be in that limbo stage. Since then I havent heard from her.

Im trying to change my mindset though. I admit that everyday I hope that I hear from her, but sometimes I feel like it would be better to just move on. Im just so surprised she can move on so quickly. We had a really close relationship and I never doubted that she didnt love me. She had a bazillion pics of me and always talked about our future, and she was really good friends with my mom too. Its frusturating because I didnt even have any warning signs before she wanted the break.

Whats even more surpising is right before I defriended her from facebook a couple days after we broke up she was flirting with this one guy that is her best friend at the school she is studying abroad at. Shes been sleeping over at his place and stuff and now they are together. The messed up thing is not only did she get with him about a week after she broke up with me, but that he was engaged and broke up with his fiance just 2 weeks ago before we broke up. So they are essentially both rebounding from what I can see. to make even less sense she has to leave for Japan in a few weeks for a whole year!! doesnt make any sense to me... I have no clue what she is thinking.

To me it seems like an obvious rebound but all I can do is give her space and keep up with the NC. Im glad that I deleted her from facebook although she was mad about it and sent me angry messages to try and make me feel guilty for deleting her. Its a relief to be able to go on facebook and not have to worry about stumbling on her status or pics of her. She has to come back here to Japan in only a few weeks. I bet that I will probably get some kind of call or something when shes back and away from her fling or whatever it is. Of course I love her but I dont know if we can be the same like before. I dont know if she is worth my time anymore after what she did. I kinda feel like I cant trust her now. I threw away everything that reminded me of her. Part of me feels like I just need to drop this all together and move on but of course shes always in my mind. Thats what Im really struggling with right now

I know the most important thing is to stay active but its hard for me to be active and social when I have been here a few weeks and dont know anyone. I have started running early every morning and stuff but I still feel messed up. I really wanna move on and i will not contact her but Im always thinking about her. I even have dreams about her. I know I have to face my feelins and whatnot but at some point I really wanna move on. I just wanna forget about her and Im always trying to get her off my mind. What should I do to get through this?

[steviej]

You've got the right idea. Sack this girl off, she's blown it and like you say, you'll never trust her again.

Take advantage of your situation, you're in a new city, nothing there to remind you of her. You just need to meet some new people! Any sports that you're into and want to start playing? Join up with a local team, what about running clubs etc?
Are you into cars/bikes? I bet they'll be plenty of enthusiast forums to sign up to who meet regularly.
Any people who you work with that you'd like to see socially? Suggest arranging a night out.
Join a martial arts/boxing club?
Could also be worth signing up to online dating sites and going on dates with local girls, it'll take your mind off things and you'll be meeting new girls who even if you aren't attracted to you can still have fun on dates.

Good luck, use the energy from these feelings and chanel it into something positive!