A bit of a Life Dilema

[Horseyguy]

are we saying that once committed to a relationship where wife and children are involved that there is no getting out?

No I'm not saying that.

I'm saying walking out of your marriage and leaving your wife and children for a 22 year old is a stupid idea, as is leaving them for a 32 year old

Realising that your marriage is over after trying all that you can to remedy the situation, exhausted all the options / tried counselling etc and then spliting up, dealing with that split up and getting to the point where you are over your wife, have dealt with the grief and guilt etc, moved on and THEN hooking up with a 22 year old is ok

Do you think you will have a sustainable relationship with anyone if you just bail on your marriage and just start off again straight away with someone else? Someone much younger than you?

Forget the wife and kids for a moment, I'd be saying the same thing to anyone in a long term relationship that was looking to leave to be with someone else .. chicken sandwich, grass is always greener etc etc

You still have to deal with this one ending and be able to move on before you have a real chance at the next one, otherwise it's just a rebound and at some point you will have to deal with teh fact the marriage has gone and you miss waking up to see your kids every day and that's when it all comes crashing back down again.

If you feel the marriage is over, deal with that, but not by jumping into something else with someone else

[BKM_121]

No I'm not saying that.

I'm saying walking out of your marriage and leaving your wife and children for a 22 year old is a stupid idea, as is leaving them for a 32 year old

Realising that your marriage is over after trying all that you can to remedy the situation, exhausted all the options / tried counselling etc and then spliting up, dealing with that split up and getting to the point where you are over your wife, have dealt with the grief and guilt etc, moved on and THEN hooking up with a 22 year old is ok

Do you think you will have a sustainable relationship with anyone if you just bail on your marriage and just start off again straight away with someone else? Someone much younger than you?

Forget the wife and kids for a moment, I'd be saying the same thing to anyone in a long term relationship that was looking to leave to be with someone else .. chicken sandwich, grass is always greener etc etc

You still have to deal with this one ending and be able to move on before you have a real chance at the next one, otherwise it's just a rebound and at some point you will have to deal with teh fact the marriage has gone and you miss waking up to see your kids every day and that's when it all comes crashing back down again.

If you feel the marriage is over, deal with that, but not by jumping into something else with someone else

Thanks again for your response..


Thought I'd post an update.

its been over 5 weeks since I last spoke/contacted my lady friend and although I know that the decision I've made IS the right one for my wife and children. I'm struggling to slip back into the family life I had before. During these 5 weeks there have been days when I've felt happy and content , however there have been many more days when I've felt confused and distant towards them, this just feels horrible. I kind of feel for my wife right now because she must not know where she stands with me right now. 1 Minute I'm quite smiley and the next I have a 'simply not bothered' attitude, dont get me wrong I'm not nasty or anything but nor am I my usual happy self. I've certainly become very 'within' myself. Looking for a place to getaway as much as possible. Whether thats getting out on my bike or running off to the office to do some work. Simply confused and unsure,

My wife believes that what I'm going through is due to not handling the birth of our daughter very well (she is now 5 weeks old). There may well be a little of that thrown in for good measure but I believe that my current emotional state is more than likely because I'm still trying to get this young lady out of my head and perhaps my heart too..which is where I think the big problem lies...

There is no going back with my lady friend regardless of the state of my relationship, however I cannot seem to 'move on' as easily as I thought I could. It would seem that I've invested a lot more emotionally in this young lady than I had ever imagined. I still wake up and often go to bed thinking about this young woman.


I may have mentioned this before in one of earlier posts and I'm sure it gets mentioned on these forums a hell of a lot...but I'm guessing that once again it'll be our old friend 'time' that sorts me out hopefully before my wife throws me out !


Thanks

BK



PS

No I'm not saying that.


Realising that your marriage is over after trying all that you can to remedy the situation, exhausted all the options / tried counselling etc and then spliting up, dealing with that split up and getting to the point where you are over your wife, have dealt with the grief and guilt etc, moved on and THEN hooking up with a 22 year old is ok

Do you think you will have a sustainable relationship with anyone if you just bail on your marriage and just start off again straight away with someone else? Someone much younger than you?

What if the situation was a simple (yeah yeah I know it isnt a simple one but..) 'Want to be with this other person' rather than wanting to sort out the marriage. This is a lame analogy but here goes...an old car never quite polishes up as good a new flashy modern one..right ?!?...afterall most of us do enjoy something new every now and then and more often than not these newer modern cars cost alot per month..but you take the hit because you like the fact that you're riding around in something new and something that potentially excites you. Why fix the old one ? get a new one !.....just a thought.....one of many that's been running around in my head whilst trying to make sense of my feelings right now...I'm not saying that I directly believe this but this has crossed my mind...

[hello1]

I feel sorry for your poor wife. Doesn't she get a choice if she wants to stay with a man like you?