I don't understand at all

[Othello]

Met a beautiful woman a little over a month ago. Our dates have always been fun, sex is great, and our personalities mesh.
Last night after dinner, she brought up the topic of where our situation was going. Between a lot of pausing and "I dunno"s, she expressed that she's very attracted to me and likes me a lot but doesn't want to hurt me by getting into a relationship with me and not being able to keep things going in the case that our situations change drastically (as in we can't find apartments, stable jobs, etc; we're both graduating students at different universities in NYC) Said she thinks I'm taking our situation in a "chill way" and that we're "having fun" and seeing where things go. I asked her if that also means she wants to see other people and she said no, she wants me but "just doesn't want to promise what she can't give."

We had sex later that night and while talking in bed afterwards, she said that I was the "sweetest and best partner" she's ever had and that I "deserve a lot more than she feels like she can give back to me." I said that I wouldn't mind having her as a girlfriend. She kissed me but she didn't say anything. Asked her why she went quiet and she said she was "thinking."

Consulted some of my friends today and a couple of them suggested that she's selfish and just wants to use me. I don't feel used as she's never asked me for gifts, money, etc. Whenever we go out we pay for ourselves or if she cooks me dinner, I cook her dinner. I just really like her and would truly have her as a girlfriend, but I don't know what to make of what was said last night.

Can anyone help? Thanks

[Bonfire]

She wants to keep this relationship casual, nothing serious. She's knows she's not into you the way you are into her. She's having fun and that's what she wants from you right now. She doesn't want to lead you on so she was being honest in not wanting to hurt you by promising anything or by being your girlfriend. It doesn't mean she won't commit in the future. It's still early for her. It depends how things go really.

[Othello]

Thanks for the reply

She wants to keep this relationship casual, nothing serious. She's knows she's not into you the way you are into her. She's having fun and that's what she wants from you right now. She doesn't want to lead you on so she was being honest in not wanting to hurt you by promising anything or by being your girlfriend. It doesn't mean she won't commit in the future. It's still early for her. It depends how things go really.

Considering this: would it be best to avoid this topic for a while?

[Bonfire]

Yes, don't bring it up. Let her do it on her own time. Ironically, the less attach to her that you are, the more attach she might become with you. It just works that way sometimes.

[Othello]

So... I brought up the sexual exclusivity conversation a little over a week ago and she told me that she wouldn't be sexual with someone she strictly considers a friend; said it's either we're dating or we're not because "she doesn't do casual relationships."
Went to a party together the following night and during the event another female who I had met at a party we went to before approached and flirted with me a little. After the party she immediately asked me where I knew the girl from, how I knew her, etc. I was straight with her and told her. She then revealed that she knew the girl in an I'm-warning-you kind of way. (I couldn't help but laugh)

All week she's been stressed over her thesis paper and when we went to dinner this past Friday she was a mess; zoning out and rambling about schoolwork. She spent a better part of the evening apologizing over and over about her dragging the mood down. We head to Starbucks and over coffee she says that she's afraid that her work will always get in the way of her having a proper relationship and she's not sure if she wants to continue with me because of that. I tell her that's a bullshit reason and ask what's the true reason to end it, if it's because she's not really into me because I would rather an honest answer than a soft answer.

She says that she's "floored" by how amazing I am in every way, how I'm unlike anyone she's ever dated in the past, and that she feels like she doesn't deserve to date someone like me who she wants to give 100% of herself to all the time. Says someone like me who's so "great they can have anyone they want" deserves someone who can be there for them all the time and give them everything. I tell her it's unrealistic to expect everything to be perfect all the time and that I wouldn't expect her or any other woman to devote all their time to me, especially not now in our lives when we have a lot to sort out in regards to our future. I tell her that I understand all the stress because it happens to all of us students.

She then apologizes and blames herself for stressing out, over-analyzing, and making everything feel wrong. But at the end of the conversation she asks if we not see each other for two weeks so that she can settle her research/thesis and "give us the time we need." (but says it's ok to text/skype her?) I tell her that if this is really the end of the road, I wont stick around just cause she feels sorry for me. She kisses me and says she wouldn't do that to me, she wants to still see me, but she just "needs to get her life in order."

I honestly don't know what to do with her anymore..

[Horseyguy]

Give her the two weeks she asked for just go no contact and let her come to you when she's ready. She will either come back or not.

[VincenzoG91]

I don't think the two weeks in unreasonable, given that it's roughly the last two weeks of the semester. Maybe you're having an easy time in school but she is worried about her grades. After reading this whole thread, I couldn't see the part where she is using you. Are you leaving something out, or are your friends just paranoid and stupid? And she sounds sensible. You are both graduating into a terrible job market. One or both of you might be struggling financially for many months to come, and one or both of you might be forced to move far away for a decent job. She doesn't want this new relationship to become a burden for either of you. That said, it sounds like she hopes that the relationship can continue if you can both land good jobs locally or in the same distant city.

[Superfantastich]

If I were her and met a man who was so perfect, wouldn't you bend over backwards to make it work?

[VincenzoG91]

If I were her and met a man who was so perfect, wouldn't you bend over backwards to make it work?

No, her priorities indicate that she is intelligent and responsible. It's easy to fall in love at that age, but difficult to graduate with a huge load of student loan debt into a bad recession. She wants to get her life in order before looking for love. That said, she does seem to enjoy the OP's company. She just doesn't want to mess up either of their lives over a very new relationship.

EDIT: Also, everybody is on their best behavior during the first month, so it's silly to make major decisions based on such short acquaintance.

[Superfantastich]

I am just saying if I met a guy who I felt so much for I wouldnt keep seeing him if was going to hurt him or I would stay and not keep saying that. What they are doing is called "casual dating" what she said they are not doing. What does she want to happen in the long run, really?

[Glea]

Hey,

As she told you, she may be having a rough patch to handle both her studies and your relationship.
However, i sense that if you scratch the surface you may find out another deeper reason to her reluctance ... Have the two of you ever talked about her previous relationships, her family background and stuff?

Anyway, you need to grant her the two-week break she asked for and see how things go afterwards.
But what i want to stress on is you won't be able to walk on a razor- edge forever. I mean, come on, your intentions and feelings for her are sweet but you can't spend your time reassuring her over your relationship and your ability to be the perfect understanding boyfriend because there will come a point when you feel exhausted and you need to get as much as you give her and know where this is going!
Does that make sense?

Keep us posted, and take care

[Othello]

Thanks everyone for the replies.
Log onto my facebook and the news feed shows she's going to parties both this and next week. Not looking for an invite, just figure that someone who's stressed out about finishing their work ought to be doing just that. What the hell do I have to do with her stress when we only see each other 3 times a week at most? I don't even call/text her everyday either.
Guess it's time to throw in the towel and find someone new...

As she told you, she may be having a rough patch to handle both her studies and your relationship.
However, i sense that if you scratch the surface you may find out another deeper reason to her reluctance ... Have the two of you ever talked about her previous relationships, her family background and stuff?

Well, she said that her parents were very strict and expected a lot from her and that she "hates to disappoint people she respects." I doubt I'm one of those people.

I am just saying if I met a guy who I felt so much for I wouldnt keep seeing him if was going to hurt him or I would stay and not keep saying that. What they are doing is called "casual dating" what she said they are not doing. What does she want to happen in the long run, really?

That's how I feel. But whatever, I'm a big boy and it's not the first time I've been lied to, so I'll get over it.

@ Horseyguy - Nah, had no intentions of contacting her. But now, I think I might just to ask her to pick up the stuff she left at my place and be done with her.

@ VincenzoG91 - I totally understand what you're saying. That's why I offered first to just keep this a sexual thing if the possibility relationship is way too much but her response that she "doesn't do casual" suggests otherwise to me. It's only been one month, yes, but if we keep up like this for long what do we even say we're working towards?

[Glea]

When did you last see?

I'd still give her a couple of weeks (any longer) to clear up her mind.

If she's still uncertain by that time, you'll just have to turn the page for your own good...

[IncognitoSir]

Hmmm, I'd tread carefully with this one. Sounds like she's saying a lot of things and not being to clear about any of it. What bothers me the most about it all, is that she's dragging you along through this all. Like you said, she's out partying now right, well that changes a lot doesn't it. If I were you, I'd begin to move on, no need to burn the bridge, but she's not giving you much hope here.

[VincenzoG91]

I agree, if she is too busy to hang out with you but going to parties, that isn't a good sign. At the very least, her communication is unclear or possibly even a little dishonest. Still, she could be trying to hold off on getting more serious with you until both of you have graduated and landed jobs, just to see if this would be a difficult long-distance thing or not.