Asking her out...

[Jorgeregula]

Hello everyone! I joined because I wanted some advice, this is driving me crazy and I dont know what to do.

I really like this girl I've known for a little over six months. I was told by her friends that during the first months we met, she had a crush on me. I didn't, however, and never even noticed.

Now, it's the other way around. I'm crazy for her. I don't know if she still feels something for me... probably not. Like 4 months into our relationship as friends (at this time I already liked her), she told me about this guy she liked (I guess she did because I wasn't showing any interest). I was shattered. I knew that was it. So I just ignored her and stuff. Then I started talking to her again, because, to be honest, I was having some hope. I indirectly asked how love was going and she told me there wasn't anyone she liked or anything. Then I asked her about that guy she had a crush on (which was probabably a mistake) and she told me she wasn't interested in him anymore, and that she was just looking for someone. We started texting and chatting on facebook a lot and she has never mentioned a guy again. She only mentions to me these guys that stalk her and stuff and tells me how she hates them. She always asks me what to do, I always tell her to ignore them obviously lol.

Then, the other day, on a thursday, I asked her is she wanted to hang out on Friday. I knew I was probably gonna fail since she had probably made plans already. She told me no... and her reason was because she was going out with her friends already. I was like, alright then . I had given up again. I was thinking she probably just made an excuse up. I still think that to this day. But then I got on on facebook and she was way more chatty than before and our conversations were much nicer. We started texting alot too, even at night, like before, but this time conversations were kinda different. Nothing more than friends, though, which sucks.

I THINK I might have a chance with her, considering she liked me at some point and since we have so many things in common and get along great. But there's also the negative side. She might just consider me her friend by now and nothing more. I don't really know.

So, what I want to do is ask her out again so I can confess my feelings to her. I want it to be in person, since confessing to her over facebook seems lame. And we're on a week break right now, so it sounds like the appropiate moment.

I don't know how to ask her out now though... Since she already said no when I asked before, I think I might try asking her in a different way. I was thinking of this: "hey, there's something I want to tell you, but It has to be in real life. Do you have free time this week?"

What do you think, would that work? Should I do it this way? Or just straight tell her: "hey, since last time we couldn't hang out, I was thinking maybe you have time now? I'd love it if we could get some time to talk"

What do you think?

Thanks

[Yet another guy]

I've heard that some women will friendzone a guy if he doesn't ask them out within a certain timeframe. Let's hope she isn't one of those

When you do have the chance to talk to her, I would ask if she would like to date you first rather than flat out reveal your feelings. Keep them as your last resort.

[smackie9]

You are friend zoned if she is talking about other guys to you. The other poster is right....just ask her out.....but not "hang out" a real date. If she says no, then leave her alone and don't push the issue anymore. Never express your feelings ever....you only do that if you are IN a relationship.

[Yet another guy]

You are friend zoned if she is talking about other guys to you.

Either that or she was trying to gauge his response to see if he had some interest.

I don't see any disadvantages to revealing the crush if nothing else piques her interest. Sure it won't likely make her jump him at the spot but at least he gets the peace of mind that he has tried everything. There's only a few things more painful than having feelings for someone and know that there was something you could have done but didn't. Better out than in, I say.

Besides, I'm sure it does work sometimes. For example, don't you think that Jorgeregula would now be (or have been) at least dating her if she had revealed her crush during the first month they knew eachother? Maybe I should ask that from him though since he ought to know

[Jorgeregula]

Well but when she talks about other guys she is just like "uggh I hate this guy" or "aah this guy keeps stalking me". It's not like she's interested in them. But maybe you're right. I'm friendzoned... But if that's the case then why ask her out? She's gonna say no then... Also, if I ask her out how should I do it so it sounds like I'm asking her to a date and not just a friend thing... And I mean, if she says no again, wouldn't things get awkward later on?

"Besides, I'm sure it does work sometimes. For example, don't you think that Jorgeregula would now be (or have been) at least dating her if she had revealed her crush during the first month they knew eachother? Maybe I should ask that from him though since he ought to know "
Edit: yeah... I would've definitely haha. She's not the kind of girl to reveal her feelings first, definitely. She is the kind of girl that wants the guy to go after her... and that kind of sucks since I've never gone after a girl and asked her out. The two "relationships" I've had have been because the girls asked me out... But I really care for her enough to even think making a move, it's just that I suck at this.

[imagineallthe]

if she talks to you about guys who stalks her, it could be a way to show you that she is attractive enough for others to want her - and at the same time give her a clue of how you react to it. Not saying she's in love with you but maybe testing a bit. You were probably friend zoned at first but for some girls, even friend zone is just a temporarly placement since you didn't show any interest to begin with. Things change.

Don't let her know your feelings all at once. If she's like me (never taking initative lol) then try asking her again, but be very casual about it. Maybe she DID have plans with her friends that day. You say she contacted you more after that, more chatty etc. and I can promise you that if she really didn't want to go out with you that Friday - she would have never showed MORE interest after that. Most likely she would ignore you a bit and try to calm the situation down in hope of you not asking her again. So be casual and ask again.

[Yet another guy]

The two "relationships" I've had have been because the girls asked me out...

You must be quite handsome then

But maybe you're right. I'm friendzoned... But if that's the case then why ask her out? She's gonna say no then...

Yes... if that's the case. But you don't know that, do you? Personally, I couldn't bear the uncertainty that I might have (had) a chance with the girl I have feelings for, but you are free to choose your actions of course.

What I would do is, I would arrange the date roughly the way you suggested in your first post. During the evening I would make sure that she is enjoying whatever we are doing and talk to her and make her feel comfortable. Then I would ask if she wanted to go on a proper date. If she rejects you though, I wouldn't recommend you to reveal your feelings in public if you are easily emotional.
Then again, I don't have much experience at this stuff myself. Maybe, if she's a straight forward type of girl, it would be better to ask him on a proper date directly.

but for some girls, even friend zone is just a temporarly placement

What? I thought that one of the main differences between the friend zone and just being friends was that the friend zone is always set in stone Perhaps the friend zone is even more complex concept than I had thought.

[Jorgeregula]

Hey! I just asked her out today. I was like "hey I feel like going to the movies, wanna go?" and she was like "and which one would we see?" then I gave her a list of movies and she jokingly chose one. I picked another one and told her we should go see that one. She agreed and then asked: when? with whom? in which teather? blabla... I didn't like the with whom question, but I still replied: well in X place, you and me and which day do you have time? She then told me she only had time tomorrow, but that she had to get permission from her parents. I know that is probably true, we're 16 and here where I live pretty much every girl has to get permission from her parents at this age, and she had mentioned to me before that when she made plans with her friends she had to ask for permission in one random conversation we had. So that's probably true. She told me she was gonna check and then msg me or whatever. I was like alright then. Then our conversation kept going pretty normal and then I told her I had to go because I'm really tired, and now I'm here, wondering what will happen.

She can easily tell me her parents didn't give her permission in order to not hurt my feelings, but well I did it and it feels good. It took me like 10 mins to get the courage to press enter to send that message :S. It didn't go as bad as I thought. She still might say no, but I tried... If she does I'll just leave her alone. It would suck yeah, but I guess that's a pretty strong sign she doesnt want anything with me. Thanks guys, you really helped me. I'm kinda having a bad feeling but whatever happens I guess I'll get over it although if it's bad it's gonan take a long time to forget about her :/