Falling for my neighbor. Help!

[Dolmetscher]

I have lived next to a girl for almost 3 years. She works really weird hours; all night from 7:00 pm until 7:30 am, 3 days a week, and then has Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. I have always been attracted to her, but she was always either dating someone, working those weird hours, or for whatever reason, I wouldn't even see her for like 6 months at a time.

She is moving to the other side of the United States in 2 1/2 more months. I tried to call her to congratulate her but something is wrong with her phone and that she can only send and receive text messages at the moment. So, I texted her, "Well, I didn't want to do this over text message, but I really just wanted you to know that I am very attracted to you, and I would like to cook for you and see you soon."

We ended up texting for the next three hours making plans to see each other. But we never really nailed down when. So the next night (last night) I texted her about her schedule. She said, "I'm meeting friends at (Bar) on Friday, you could come along." I can't do Friday. So, I texted her back, "Nope! We're gonna cook at my place Thursday. And we could maybe do something Friday too."

We have a very casual way of talking to each other. I thought that me being so firm and matter of fact would read as cute and would inspire banter. And I thought that me totally vetoing her idea would also cause her to go into cute-girl-mode and be like, "Well well well Mr. Smarty Pants thinks he's just gonna tell me what to do eh?" But instead, she just didn't text me back. At all.

SO... I think that that text was a big mistake on my part.
Looking back, it probably sounded like I was looking for some kind of instant relationship. We texted the night before about casual, and nothing serious, and she's moving etc. And then I go and say... I want a super intimate dinner at my place, and then the very next night we meet friends at a bar. That is the OPPOSITE of casual and laid back. That is relationship.

So, I can't call her. I have until 5:00 pm today to figure out what to say, and it is going to HAVE to be a text. I need to lighten this whole thing up big time. But I can't think of how to say what I want to say in a stupid text. If this were all done on the phone or in person, I would have handled this situation completely casually and laid back. But now I pretty much have to text her so that I can know if I will be cooking tonight or not.

What should I say?

[Cerby]

That last text was a bit scary, it sounded very demanding, and I've learned from experience that most people will interpret that as a serious red flag. It stopped being casual as soon as you told her where she needed to be, what you were doing, and when.

So now you're in a hole, texting is NOT a solid means of communication, because it can be very easily mis-interpreted. I simply REFUSE to have a serious conversation through text with anyone because they only see words, not emotion. How do you get out? Well, you're in a situation where no matter what you say, she will view it as a cover up to the demanding text you had sent - and honestly, I was going to reply with advice. . .but I can't think of any. . .I hate text.

I hope the board has something better.

[devonbrown]

Why can't you go over and knock on her door and talk face-to-face?

I agree that you probably scared the crap out of her with your "funny" text. To be honest, I am not sure you can recover from that with another text or without time.

The best you could probably do is apologize, tell her it was your stupid way of trying to make a joke, and then be very casual again.

Also, I would NOT plan on cooking for her tonight because she never said yes to dinner with you tonight. So just don't worry about that.

Good luck.

[Dolmetscher]

Yeah, I think you guys are right. Oh well. Note to self, Don't assume that any humor, or any real emotion for that matter, will translate via text. I've always known that, but I guess I thought that in this case, it was SO over the top, that there'd be no way she could confuse it. You know, you take dumb risks, you have to be prepared to get burned. At least this wasn't like some long burning passionate flame that I've had. I just think she is cute and charming. Just wanted to have some fun before she leaves in 2 1/2 months.

Ha! I really blew it. Crazy.

I just sent her a text saying, "I was totally just trying to be funny by sounding so demanding in my last text. I'm cool w/ whenever you're free. I can't do this Friday, but I'm sure we can get together some other time. Hope you had a nice storm night." (We had a horrible tornado come through last night.)

That's about all I can think to say. From here on... it's just up in the air.