Double Weekend Trouble coming up.

[RiderViper]

B) Sorry there's no introductions about me, I'll get down to that one day on this forum.
But to be brief, I usually just read up stuff on this forum as well as others, very useful and they have helped a lot. Didn't feel I needed to ever post up for questions/problems like this until yesterday when I realized I'm heading towards a brick wall.

My main problem I'm facing in the upcoming weekends are at the bottom of this post. The rest in the middle are just to explain the back story and why there's some tension but it's simply a wall of text.

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Anyway I'll try to make a long story short but include as much of the important details...
At the beginning of this month my girlfriend broke up with me.
Although we had not been together that long, we were very close friends, I had believed we had known each other for around 15 years but she discovered that we really met 20 years ago, but we were too young to know it.
Of course nothing developed between us because of many many other reasons, even I didn't have any interest in her until sometime when we first went out together alone. Another factor is that the past 10 years I've been living 72 miles away, so we didn't get to see each other much until after we started going out.

As part of the relationship, she did not want anyone to know we were together other than those that had already found out. This included her family members other than those she has told because it would cause some conflict. she also did not want anyone to know what we do or talk about. I keeping to that promise even now.

The main reason for the breakup is still not clear to me, all she said was she was not ready to have an affair with anyone. It was also revealed on the night when everything suddenly went downhill that one of her ex boyfriends was with her for 7 years and not 1 year as I had previously thought and that she felt that she wasn't getting over that break up when being with me even though that had happened years before.
But from my side, I am at fault also. I pushed things too far and put her under more pressure when she had already other problems to deal with and I wouldn't think before I talk and instead opened my big mouth at times. And when she needed to talk, in my frustration I would not listen properly.
In the end, she did not want to talk even when I wanted to find out what was going on. So in the end I just let it go.

Also she said she wanted to be friends but not to wait for her. But in my experience that felt like a lie because many have said that they want to be friends and I never hear from them again. So I felt this was headed in the same direction, chose to move on without sitting in a corner and feeling depressed like with past love interests that failed. While moving on I just went about with my normal life as usual.


This is where things begin to go from bad to worse. one week after she broke up with me, she had gone out with some friends and photos of that day were posted up on Facebook. A few days later I of course like an idiot took a look at the photos, almost commented on one of them but realized it would be a mistake. Instead I hit the like button and went about my week. So first mistake there.
The next few days would be our local new year celebrations, so that very same day I hit the like button, I also posted up that I had been invited to a party and we'll be drinking. Since I was moving on with my life, it didn't bother me if I drank or not, as I had chosen to cut back on that when we were going out. And sure enough that night I did go and drink, surprisingly much more than I should have. This carried on to the next day.
Feeling guilty a bit about how I was moving on, I was worried that what I was doing may hurt my ex when she thinks about it. As in the fact that I had planned not to wish her for the new year, or even try to talk to her.
So I got the stupid idea to seek advice from two friends of mine who are both married to each other, but unfortunately one of them is the sister of my ex. It doesn't matter how much I was drinking that day, that is a mistake beyond stupidity.
Later that night again I had gone out to another party, and of course left my phone at home. Only drank a bit but enough to keep a clear mind.
It was the next morning when my phone alarm woke me up that I noticed I had missed a phone call, and it was my ex who called me which was at the time I went out. I tried to think about why she called and then I noticed that there were two text messages. The messages were not that pretty. She stated she did not love me, and that she didn't want me interfering with her life. Her sister had talked to her and they had argued because her sister knew we both were going out.
What kind of hit the nail into me was that she also had blocked me off on facebook, which was the main method we used to communicate with each other and faster for me. After about an hour of wondering, I text messaged her back apologizing, stated that I understood that she is not interested in me anymore and that I wanted to move on and asked her to forgive her sister because I didn't have much options with who to talk to because she didn't want to talk about it with me. I didn't expect her to reply back. And she eventually agreed to talk over the phone but she said she has nothing to say even though there was a lot I had to. Because I had felt a bit depressed from all this I told her I wasn't feeling well and that I would talk to her when I was better and when my head was also clear.
I slept for the rest of the day until it was evening, then that night yet again I was dragged off to another party, and even though I wanted to sleep in, I figured if I did stay in I would feel miserable. And once again I went and drank, and it turned out I had been very aggressive while drunk. But nothing too serious.

The next day I stayed in, and decided to do some research online.
Up to that point, I had not known there was such a thing as the "No Contact Rule", but instead I seemed to have naturally followed some aspects of it.
It was then that I realized that any chance of getting back together with my ex was now gone.
Any chance of repairing our lifetime friendship was also hanging by a thread because how I was trying to move on.

After spending the entire day with a mix of both reading lots about the NC Rule & getting back into some video game playing, I finally decided that I will move on regardless of if my ex feels hurt or not.
Because I now understand that if I cannot make myself better then I can never even hope to get back one of my life friendships back nor can I even find someone else.
Instead I had been always worrying about the other while trying to get away from the pain.

Anyway I planned to not make that call to talk. Because nothing I say will change her mind about anything, and even now I realize that my ex sometimes misunderstands me without finding out what exactly I meant or did.

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Now to the Main problems that I know is a brick wall. A very serious brick wall.
My ex-girlfriend's brother is getting married in one week's time. We both knew and we had planned to go together. But after the break up I had planned to either not go at all, or go but to stay out of her way. Pretty much ignoring her unless she comes up to me which by then I will just be casual.

Yesturday her brother called me, he still doesn't know it's his sister I was involved with. But he knows I broke up with someone and that she's going to be there at the wedding.
He knows I didn't receive the wedding invitation so he wants to meet up and hang out a bit since it would be the last time we hang out before he gets married. No problems there since even if my ex found out we were hanging out, it's normal.
The problem is he invited me to his house, which is where my ex also lives.
To make it worse, his big sister and her husband (the friends who I seeked advise from earlier) also have come in from abroad.
And he suggested we all meet up on Saturday.
I managed to convince him to meet up outside, so that I won't have to go to my ex's house to cause any problems.

This is going to be very bad when my ex finds out, because I know she's going to misunderstand why I agreed to hanging out with them.
My plan is to just go and relax and stuff, I don't plan to ask them to help me to get back with my ex. It's true I would like to get back with her but I've faced the facts and I don't feel that she's ever going to accept me back.

If my ex also decides to come with them not knowing I'm also meeting up, it's maybe going to turn ugly.

Even if she doesn't then the main problem I have is when she finds out, and how her reaction would be.

I had been hoping that we would get along at the wedding, maybe even get the chance to finally dance just as friends, but now I really feel that even showing up will turn into some trouble.


So now I'm off to my aunt's place, going to fix up the place I got over there, and I'm going to get ready for tomorrow's outing which I will try to handle in the best way I can. I know it's a disaster waiting to happen and I'm pretty sure that there's going to be some trouble.

It's next weekend that I'm now even more worried about. And if that's not enough, her birthday is also in a months time, but that's a different problem I will address later.

[DarkHelmet82]

your exes brother doesnt know you were dating his sister? im confused

[RiderViper]

B) Yes he did not know, because we kept it a secret from him, and everyone else.
Although we did suspect he found out on the very last day we both went out together (night everything went down hill).
Even today on the phone he doesn't make it sound like he knows, nor do I.

And also it's weird but we were unable to go and hangout. I assume he was busy and that he had a lot to attend to. Even I had some emergencies to attend to but minor ones. Although he still wasn't able to meet me to give me the invite to his wedding.
Again he invited me to come to his place tomorrow and I turned that down since I don't want to trouble my ex at her own home, especially on her day off which is tomorrow.

[DarkHelmet82]

why keep it a secret? Seems odd....

[RiderViper]

B) I didn't really care if anyone found out, and it was I who wanted all our close friends to know, especially her brother and aunt she lives with.
But she did not, she wasn't comfortable with anyone knowing which I failed to understand in the beginning.
But towards the end I learned that one side of her family never did approve of my family or me and she was worried they would give her trouble while the other half would approve but were powerless to help her.

Around the beginning we did plan to stop hiding right after her brother's wedding because it seemed pretty impossible for us both to go together to his wedding and for anyone not to notice that we're together all the time, but that plan changed after I felt she was become stressed by the idea.
I even let go of the idea of letting my best friends know after learning about all these.


Edit: Her brother met up with me yesterday and gave me the invite. And he noticed that I appear better than ever as opposed to what I appeared like in the many years I was single and dating others. If he really doesn't know, then he feels I still have a shot with my ex... of course he doesn't know the whole story.