i need help please

[newbieatlove]

hi all, im a 26 year old male and this girl, lets name her amy, is 22.
i knew her from a friend about 4 years ago, we dont see each other much, but live in the same city and go to the same college.
once in a while i see her around in college and stop to say hi and thats pretty much it.
we never go out or contact each other in any way, until around december 2010.

i moved away from the city and got her number from a friend (the same one that introduced us). to say there wasnt a motive in the 1st place would be an understatement, because i had always thought she was beautiful and i was really bored, and my friend gave the idea why dont you text amy and see if something happens. (which was stupid considering i moved away from the city already)

so i texted her and this continued everyday, we grew closer just because of the texting, and she would really be sweet and ask me things about my life and would use cute language while texting, as if showing interest in me. we would flirt everyday and i would wake up to a random "good morning" message from her every now and again.

problem is that one day she started confiding in me about this guy who she has been texting everyday too (i didnt know it till then)
shes saying she doesnt really know the guy and just been texting everyday with him. hes asking her out and shes scared and doesnt want to meet him because he's just some "random guy" (who she keeps texting everyday?? doesnt make sense to me).
he said he liked her and want to ask her out for a nice date. she told me she doesnt want to reject him straight out and shes feeling guilty because she said maybe its because she was acting "too nice" to him and been leading him on and giving him hope. she admitted flirting with him too.

eventually she went out with him and she said hes actually one nice guy, but just not her type. she had no feelings for him whatsoever but she enjoyed the night out. she said partly because the guy wanted to be "friends" with her with a "motive". (he had said he approached her by text because he was looking to date her.. which i find really normal)

now, here is my list of problems...

1) shes talking so much shit about him behind his back to me, while in front of him shes texting him happily acting like shes all interested.. i dont know what does that reflect on her personality?
2) if hes a 'random guy', i too am a random guy!! everything she mentioned about him applies to me as well! i also approached her with txt messages and too flirted with her and she flirted back...same situation as that guy..
3) im actually even worse than that guy, because ive never gone out with her, now he has.. im an even more 'random' guy than he is.
4) to be honest for the past month, ive been the only one who always 'start' conversations (thru txt). shes never looking for me again and im feeling that shes losing interest in me. but everytime we get the conversation going, shes really nice and sweet again and flirty again and then... gone.... for like 2-3 days.. ill be like waiting for her text.. til i cant wait any longer, ill text her again..
5) my friends are telling me shes a player. and likes the attention and shes playing me. but i know she told me she never had a boyfriend before in her life because shes not looking for one at the moment. and shes really polite kind of person, not those party animal kind. shes smart and shes friendly to everyone. (some people tell me shes overly friendly)

my question is:
i think im in love with her... i just cant get her out of my mind.
i know 90% shes not interested in me.
and ive accepted the fact that im not the only guy texting (or shes texting) her.
and ive accepted the face that shes flirty in all the texting stuff with other guys...

how can i get her attention? im not in the city anymore and my friends are telling me to just let go..

[smackie9]

You are not in love hun or you would be up rooting your life to be with her right off the start, plus you have never dated her so you are just infatuated or just have a crush. Your friends are right, she is just an attention whore that likes to string guys along. You need to give your head a shake because nothing will ever become of this and you should just drop her before you get badly hurt. Just because you think you are in love with someone doesn't mean they are going to feeling same way, and want a relationship with you. Listen to your friends warnings before it's too late.

[newbieatlove]

Thank you for taking some time to read and reply..
I'm thinking of letting it go, I have not texted her for a week now, but I miss her more and more each day.
Should I start with not texting her at all?

What if she texts me, what should I do?

[smackie9]

Your feelings are not letting you see the true reality of this situation. She is not into you the way you would like her to, and it is beyond your control. She is who she is.....using guys for the attention.....don't you get it? She is not what you dream of or hope to be with.....that my dear is all spun out of control in your head. This what happens when you only communicate through texts or IM on the net......you develop a perception of what they are like and it gets distorted with fantasy and daydreams. You mind is play tricks on you and it's gonna hurt if you keep believing it.

The reality is that you are addicted to your fantasy of her.......you need to step back get your head out of your a ss, so you can see she ain't who you think she is.

[smackie9]

If she texts ignore it, tell her you are busy, have a date, going out, or tell her nothing.....shut your phone off, block her.

[newbieatlove]

Thanks again for the reply, I will ignore her messages/tell her I'm busy if she does text.

Now I'm just trying to get her out of my mind, doing some sports and work related stuff..

Its really hard though..I've never felt this way toward a girl before.. I'm not sure if its just infatuation

Sorry for the rant

[devonbrown]

Smackie is right, it is just infatuation... you don't really know this girl. You know what she wants you to know through text.

Even if she is not an attention whore, you have already moved into the friend zone with her telling you about her other guys and dates and all.

It is good that you are trying to keep busy and concentrate on things that make you happy. Don't obsess over her. Time will help, but you have to keep yourself involved with your life during that time.

Good luck.

[Dune]

Ditto.. I would say you're just infatuated too.. You only communicate with her through texting. I do understand on your part that you may be sincerely interested, but from her point of view, you're probably still a random guy (sorry for the harshness).

Well as devonbrown said, she's probably enjoying the attention and she feels very much happy at herself for being able to make men go crazy over her just through texting. Now if you're in her shoes, wouldn't you feel powerful?

Get out early. No way it will work until she has some real interest in you. Oh, and test your infatuation.. Or something.. Have you thoroughly explored your options (hot girls around you) yet?