What does it mean?

[Isotopes]

I need women views on this one.

the situation :
-just started to date a 23 year old girl, we kissed, we have a lot in common...
-she went on vacation with her family for one week and it's been 2 weeks that we haven't seen each other because she doesn't live in town but in the suburbs and she can be here in Paris only on week ends.

-at the beginning of the week she asked me "when do we meet up this week?" I suggested few options and we couldn't make it. I have to help a friend this week end and I said that I replied that "well saturday evening?", she answered "I'm with friends on saturday evening"... then I said "sunday afternoon?". She said an old friend is coming to see her and they plan to spend the week end together (the friend is a girl too btw). I texted her 2 days ago "maybe we can have a coffee with your friend?" and I got no answer so far...

Well I totally understand if she wants to spend time with her friend. We just started to get to know each other. No big deal. But I have the feeling that she doesn't really want to see me... and I also think that she didn't like the fact that I'm helping this friend this week end (he asked me like 6 months ago, he's doing a conference and needs help).

My question :
when a girl seems to not care about you like that, is that a red flag? or is this just a way to "punish" me for not spending more time with her this week end ? am I just paranoid?

I need women views on this one... what do you think if you're not including your boyfriend (or your "flirt" - we haven't yet decided to be boy-/girl-friend) with your friends (on saturday evening with "friends" and on sunday afternoon with "an old friend").

What do you think I should do? Let her come back to me? silence? Tell her "I thought I was one of your friends..." ?

[ShellyZ]

If you're not yet boyfriend/girlfriend, then it's too soon to be meeting her friends. I don't introduce a guy to my friends until we've been in an exclusive relationship for awhile. You want her to treat you like a boyfriend, but you're not her boyfriend yet. Ask her when she's free, and plan a date then.

[Isotopes]

got it. I totally understand.
any other views about it?

[smackie9]

Whoa slow down there! You barely just started to see each other. Give her her space and stop freaking out over nothing. She's not mad at you, she sounds like she is independent and is willing to do her own thing. Sometimes text messages get dropped so may not have received it....but in any case just text her that you will chat sometime after the weekend and hope she is having a good time with her friend. And leave it at that.

[smackie9]

Doesn't anyone make phone calls anymore? If you are that damn worried call her.

[Isotopes]

I have no news from her since friday... I haven't texted since friday and hope she will contact me first.
Do you think I should contact here first? Since she said she was spending time with her friends and said she couldn't meet me and since I also sent the last text I think she has to do the first step...

I think it's sort of stupid not to contact someone for this ego thing but if I do the first step I feel I will not have her respect and she would think I'm available whenever she wants.

How much do I have to wait before doing something?

[star_nugget]

let HER contact you.

you've already put a line out there, now all she has to do is bite. if she doesn't, well, then you didn't catch this fishy.

i've met a few guys who i was into and still getting to know, but then they turned on the calling/texting/intensity way too quickly and it literally scared me off a bit.

[Isotopes]

yeah makes total sense...
I'm not going to do the first step and she doesn't do it... no big deal
I'll find another fish.

thanks.. I needed to read that.

[star_nugget]

and there's plenty of 'em.

you're very welcome.

[Isotopes]

yeah one last thing : last time we met she borrowed my sweater. She liked it and said she would give it back to me next time we meet up... in her last text she said "I'll be keeping your sweater a bit longer then "
Now my question is : ok a sweater is just a sweater (I like that sweater a lot plus it's a gift)... but I don't want let her keep my sweater and yeah it doesn't matter. Ok it doesn't matter in the end but it feels weird if she keeps it. What should I do regarding that?
Still waiting for her to get back to me or forget about the sweater?

[vashti]

I don't understand why you don't just try to make plans for the following weekend?

[Isotopes]

I tried last week end... and said she couldn't (ok I was pretty busy too) and I sent a last text saying "so I'll see you next week end?"... no answer.

do you think I should try again?

[vashti]

Wait until early-to-mid week next week, and ask again. If she is too busy again, assuming your schedule is very flexible that weekend, I would ask her if you can meet briefly to retrieve your sweater. Call her this time. Stop texting. That's the way grown ups do it.

[Isotopes]

sounds a good idea... I'll wait till next week. thanks !

[vashti]

For clarity, if she tells you two weekends in a row that she is too busy to see you (assuming you don't have any restrictions on your time), I would assume she isn't interested.