I'll try posting here

[Jenslyn17]

Okay, I'm really putting myself "out there" by posting this - hope you guys'll give a little help

The following might seem wrongly adressed because it was initially written to someone over e-mail who didn't answer - hope you guys can help me here, I need it I asure you

Well, here it goes:

I'm a danish student (17 years old), and I could certainly use a little advice. Just to get that out of the way, the poor spelling/wrong gramma is due to me not being fully educated yet, but I think you'll understand. I found the site with your mail by quencidence when searching for "never kissed" and "love" or something like that - to give you a little idea of my problem.



I'm currently attending a commercial school. I see myself as being rather intellegent and humorous, but as you know, that wont make all the doors open so to speak. The problem is that since I startet attending the school 1½ years ago I instantly took note of one girl who's in my german-class. I've always been shy, though it's got a bit better lately. However, it's been until now without me saying almost anything to her. I've just begun talking to her - due to a lucky quincedence (me being together with her and a couple of other girls in a project - a sign :-)?, and I think she can sense me being shy and withdrawing. I REALLY try to get out of my mental shelter and speak with her, and she does answer of course, but I think girls can sense a guys insecurity instantly. However, she DOES think I'm very funny - that I know of, and I've noticed probably her best friend speaking a little bit to me lately - sort of "trying" to get me to say something funny.... Well, I may be overinterpretating here, but that could mean that they're talking about me sometimes, couldn't it ?



Also, I have a pretty nice body due to my workout-routines I guess, and actually - because I was talking to a former classmate of mine whom I've met again in the german-class about how I've gone from thin to pretty beefy - she mentioned that she also sees a big difference in me muscle-wise. That really made my day Just as that time when my friend sitting next to may said that he though she liked me because she stared at me all the time - I didn't notice it, but damn I was happy - however I can't believe it today, because I think I'm ugly and - especielly at that time when I almost hadn't talked to her - couldn't see how she could like me...

I'll describe myself as quite sensitive. I know that could sound as bull-crap, but I actually hate people talking shit about girls who they would just like to have sex with. Girls who doesn't appeal to me with anything else than their looks doesn't interrest me the slightest bit (other than being pretty to look at, of course), but I really think I have a serious crush on this one. I can't stop thinking about her when I'm alone... How I'd like to know her thoughts about me, do something to make her like me etc... It's a feeling I've had before, but not nearly this strong. Also, the "love at the first sight" thing could apply here, because I liked her from day-1



Well, I can't hide that part of the reason I'm writing too you is because I just want to express myself and not sit with it myself all the time. I like talking about it I just wanted to know if you might have some advice - problem is, I've never kissed a girl (or anything else with one in case you're wondering...).. This is probably a result of me being extremely shy towards girls - especially before, where I was more of a loser not caring about the slightest bit about myself (Now it's mostly just towards the ones I think are pretty and I like) and also I really didn't care until I was kinda old for it. I've started making more out of myself and I think it helps, but the problem now, I guess, is that I'm scared of taking the "next step" - being the kissing and so on. I care little about sex, but I would DIE for a successfull relationsship with this girl, seriously. Another problem is my relationship to my parents. I can't see myself having a girlfriend, my parents are just plain iritating to me lately, and all though I love them, I couldn't help feeling uncomfortable bringing her around, I'm afraid.... If it'll go that way... I also have problems with my self-worth, I think, as I'm afraid this girl would definetly like my less shy and - in my mind - more attractive friends better than me... They're just much better with the girls.

I've just started communicating with her (really pushing myself to talk to her), and I want to make something out of this if it's possible (although it's getting harder again due to me not working with her in german anymore). I already REALLY HATE the idea that I wont be having classes with her after this year, and just to give you an idea of my kind of addiction towards her, I plan on taking some class with her - not because I like it, but because she's there. I can feel myself looking forward to such days and I always make more out of myself.

Damn I hate the fact that I can't seem to talk freely to the girl I like... I can talk much more freely to any girl I don't like though not entirely freely there either... I't shouldn't be that way...
I also notice how I really don't believe I will get anything going with this gril as I'm writing this... Well, I'll give it a shot anyway!

Hmm, That was a bit unstructiured and messy, but at least I got to express my feelings towards all this. I would like an answer very much, and in case that's going to happen I'm looking forward to hearing from you!

Yours sincerely

Jens, Denmark

[Jenslyn17]

Damn I didn't think it'd be that long... Well, I guess that's just me wanting to be absolutely sure to get every detail :x

[Jenslyn17]

Nobody's got anything to say.......?

[Junket]

Nobody's got anything to say.......?

I don't have the patience to read that all. Shorter posts are best.

[Jenslyn17]

Yeah, I guess so, but I had to paste everything out so as not to get any misunderstandings

[knightlionheart]

Dude!! What the hell did i just read bout u being sensitive......man thats its u just dug ur own grave, and well i'm sorry thats one thing that has to go!!! well since u do have a 'good' body, i suggest u work on yer confidence as well!! listen man, u don't think bout meaningful relationships, at yer age...at least not for now!! i know what ur feeling right now....its called infatuation!! its normal!! and just because, they think ur funny, doesn't mean they could b laughing with u, more probably at u!! but thats where confidence comes to play again!! u c u r only attractive as u feel!! if u think ur ugly, chances r ur gonna get a girl, thats equally ugly, if not more!! if u think ur attractive, then thats the kinda girl ur gonna get!! remember don't enter the friend zone!! its damaging and most of the times not reversible!! remember when u meet a female, she gets to get an impression bout u, whether or not to b attracted u!! if she is not attracted to u, then there's nothing u can do bout it!! but if she is attracted to u then there's nothing that she can do about it!! & don't listen to anyone who sez to be yerself!! thats the worst advice anyone can give u!! listen i'll do u a favour, u want advice on a particular situation, just post it, there r tons of advice i can give u!! in the meantime, just read the other posts,i've left a lotta advice there, since i can't type a lot of it, its there in bits and pieces and well just read and practice!! well keep reading and remember don't make a big deal if things don't go yerway!! life isn't fair, nor is dating!! laters

[Jenslyn17]

Thx for your answer - can't really help this "infatuation" thingy

But hey, I hear you... I guess I know I HAVE TO be more confident in myself, but it's damn hard when you're used to being the wussy who's practically sweating just when near a girl (mind you, it's gone better)... But I guess I'll have to try and "man up"... I guess there's also cultural differences... In USA I guess you typically get to know a girl a little and then ask her out - it doesn't normallt work that way in Denmark, I thnik... Mostly girls are met at party's and so on and typically when you're a bit drunk at my age.

But I guess I get the point - to get girls attracted, I have to feel attractive and ACT attrractive and confident.... Damn now that's gonna be hard for me... Also, even though I may get to the point where I think we're talking good and so on I have no experience and I have a hard time seeing myself getting on from there... Well... Guess I'll take it one step at a time and try to do the things I see other guys being successful with... It's just that I think this girl's different... She doens't drool over the guys that much when the other girls are... or maybe it's just me being a wuss - anyway, nothing to do but to try and gain confidence

Thx man

[Jenslyn17]

Also I have to drop this stupid thing with me being SO DAMN AFRAID of saying anything that might make her angry or anything... I realize it isn't much fun talking to a guy about nothing but school....

Guess it's just another proof of me lacking confidence... U said I have to work on it... Well, you've got any idea how? I promise I'll do what it takes if I can in any way

[Jenslyn17]

Sry i write again but I would like an answer and it seems the post is getting down

[Cybog]

Hey Jens, it sounds like your issues are pretty much dialed in as far as you seeing what the issue is. You KNOW that you need more confidence, and at least knowing that you do is most of the battle.

I would suggest you start by slowly telling yourself that TODAY is the day you walk over and talk to this girl. Tell yourself that about 25-50 times a day. Now, I don't want you to actually do it yet. Give yourself about 2 weeks or so, and just build yourself up mentally and emotionally.

Constantly tell yourself "TODAY is the day I go talk to that girl!" Then, I want you to also rehearse what you are going to say, and it goes like this - "Hello, my name is Jens, and I was wondering if you would like to maybe hang out sometime?"

Ok, after 2 weeks something is going to happen - You will eventually get sick of listening to yourself - You will realize that you have nothing to fear, and you will finally walk up to that girl and ask her if she would like to go hang out and it will happen flawlessly. You have convinced yourself that you are going to do it.

Being completely shy is very difficult to overcome, but the faster you mentally prepare yourself to build up, the easier it is the first few times you finally get social and talk to women.

Sure, this chick might not feel this way about you, she might have a boyriend or blah blah blah. But at least you made the effort, overcame the obstacle, and finally did what you set out to do.

The next 500 times in your life you try to do it will come much, much easier.

Tell me how it goes.

[Jenslyn17]

Thanks, Cyborg, I really appriciate any help

Problem is, I guess, cultural differences between Denmark and the USA, because usually you don't go out and ask a girl out or maybe to join you for some party...

Most of the time here the "dating" sort of comes by two people meeting and being together at some party or something and then desides to stay together as a couple... The whole "you wanna go out with me sometime?" part of the dating is quite literally not there!

So that's going to make it a whole lot more difficult, I guess... I sure would like it that way, though, then you could try to ask her out when you're having fun with her in class or something, but it's just not something you do here I guess - I'd seem very awkward and just not "right" if you know what I'm talking about...

[KaWaiiSkYe]

Hej! Hvordan gat der?

[Jenslyn17]

Close one, KaWaiiSkyE, it goes like this:

Hej! Hvordan går det? (Or gaar in stead of går, aa = å)

Anyway, someones got anything to say?

[Jenslyn17]

She and her friend told me today that they wanted me be in their german class on high level - made my day - damn I hate german but I wanna take it just to be sure to be with her next year... The other two subjects we've both selected on A, so if I choose german I'll be close to certain being in her class for 3 subjects - many hours a week making communication easier... On the other hand, If I don't pick german I risk not getting to see her alltogether or only in one or two subjects... But I hate german... Life ain't easy

[Jenslyn17]

Hmm... It seems I'm too bad at just "opening"... I guess no girl wanna hear me saying "hey, we got any homework in german or cultural understanding?"

I just can't start i conversation.. I have to get "help" lige when we we're making that stupid german-project... Damn it!

And that was the last time I saw her (for 2 hours) before the holidays... Wont see her for two weeks... Seems I didn't leave any impression