so this is gonna be a long story about some things I'm not so proud of and other things I'm very aexcited about. About a year and a half ago I friended an old high school friend and crush I'd known for about twenty years or so. Every once in a while I'd bump into him and the last time he tried to get me to go home with him. That was probably about 8 years ago. Anyway when we started communicating via facebook there was a lot of flirtation and I found out the he too has been interested in me....or at the very least found me attractive...cant really expect much more then that if he was feeling that way in high school. However with all this flirtation there was a very big glitch that I should have known better to not be al flirty. He had a girlfriend. I'm not proud of continuing to flirt but on the other hand I'd known him forever and had/have a crush. It's not an excuse and I truly feel bad about it. But it gets worse cos I'm a complete bitch. It got to the point where I was feeling very let on and I was very hurt and lashed out on him...and sent a message to her to not trust him. Right after I did it I felt so bad I to this day wish I could take everything back. I lashed out at him some more then he blocked me which was to be expected I'd do the same. Since that happened I've felt so bad but had no way to communicate that with him. (he also knows that he was wrong with some of what happened). So about three weeks ago I noticed he unblocked me and i sent him a genuine message apoligising to him about my actions and he has forgiven me. Which I'm very happy about because it shows who he is as a person and we can start where we left off minus the flirting...i assumed at first he was still with his girlfriend....however they mutually decided to go their separate ways. I on the other hand think it was complletly my fault and once again apologised. He still insists I had nothing to do with it but I can't help but think other wise. *
anyway there is still an attraction on both of our behaves we have actually been hanging out and talking a lot. And I'm very happy about that!
last night I went to his place just to hang out...while hanging out he mentioned how glad he was that I sent him the message apologising. *I'm guessing it was his way of saying he like hanging out and having fun with me. *He also said that I was beautiful which was so sweet and unexpected. *Course he had a few beers in him. *I did as well doh. *
So one thing lead to another and we started kissing.... Very passionate kisses I might add. *And we'd stop in between to talk and one of the things he mentioned was that he wasn't looking for a wife right now. *Which uhm duh I'm not rushing to the alter...but it was still a little dig to my ego. *He's givinge me mixed messages though cos the other night he said he was interested in more then just a friend. *And while making out and talking I asked "well...uh...is ths friends with benefits?" *and he said "no...well...i dunno" *so okay it's an honest answer considering everythinh is still new. *But he's mentioned a few times how much he enjoys being around me and my humor and that he's never been with someone who gets him like I do and vise versa. *He also told me that every time he drove past where I work he'd think about me.
**I have a messed up back and just had a lumbar fusion in december. *I was complaining about my back hurting so he got up and walked away for some reason. *Then he ame back and we started making out again. Later We decided to head to bed and when I went to lay down I found a heating pad that was all heated up for me which was the sweatest thing ever.
** *So obviously we ended up having sex....not cos of the heating pad lol but because we obviously like eachother. *During our activities he mentioned that I was beautiful again... A few times. *And heres the kicker...he told me he loved me three different times during. *I didn't quite know how to react as that's happened to me before with an ex friends with benefits. *I didn't believe the ex and kinda freaked out and asked why he said that. *But then it made me think about my feelings and I started falling in love..bad idea. *So with my new guy I just kind of ignored it...sorta. *After I asked him would you consider this just having sex or making love and his response actually surprised me...he said "making love" I even told him that if he didn't mean what he said about loving me that "its okay if it's not true you were just caught up in the moment." *he didn't say anything. *But three times seems like an awful lot if he didn't really mean*it. *Once I get..it happens sometimes..but three?. *He*did really enjoy our moment so much he was also muttering...lmao.
So I guess I'm just a bit confused with the mixed messages and what he said and did for me last night. *He is a good guy just makes mistakes sometimes. *As well as myself. *We are very compatible always laugh with one another, flirt and have some major chemistry which neither of us deny. *So what kind advice do any of you have out there? *Fyi he has been sinlge for almost a year. *He's a really smart and pretty honest guy and knows he doesn't have to bullshit with me or beat around the bush to get me in bed. *It's a mutual attraction of which we've both discussed. *What do I do? *Is this the beginning stages of a relationship? *Are we bound to explode or implode? *Is this bound for disaster?!!?