advice pretty please!

[oldfriend]

so this is gonna be a long story about some things I'm not so proud of and other things I'm very aexcited about. About a year and a half ago I friended an old high school friend and crush I'd known for about twenty years or so. Every once in a while I'd bump into him and the last time he tried to get me to go home with him. That was probably about 8 years ago. Anyway when we started communicating via facebook there was a lot of flirtation and I found out the he too has been interested in me....or at the very least found me attractive...cant really expect much more then that if he was feeling that way in high school. However with all this flirtation there was a very big glitch that I should have known better to not be al flirty. He had a girlfriend. I'm not proud of continuing to flirt but on the other hand I'd known him forever and had/have a crush. It's not an excuse and I truly feel bad about it. But it gets worse cos I'm a complete bitch. It got to the point where I was feeling very let on and I was very hurt and lashed out on him...and sent a message to her to not trust him. Right after I did it I felt so bad I to this day wish I could take everything back. I lashed out at him some more then he blocked me which was to be expected I'd do the same. Since that happened I've felt so bad but had no way to communicate that with him. (he also knows that he was wrong with some of what happened). So about three weeks ago I noticed he unblocked me and i sent him a genuine message apoligising to him about my actions and he has forgiven me. Which I'm very happy about because it shows who he is as a person and we can start where we left off minus the flirting...i assumed at first he was still with his girlfriend....however they mutually decided to go their separate ways. I on the other hand think it was complletly my fault and once again apologised. He still insists I had nothing to do with it but I can't help but think other wise. *
anyway there is still an attraction on both of our behaves we have actually been hanging out and talking a lot. And I'm very happy about that!
last night I went to his place just to hang out...while hanging out he mentioned how glad he was that I sent him the message apologising. *I'm guessing it was his way of saying he like hanging out and having fun with me. *He also said that I was beautiful which was so sweet and unexpected. *Course he had a few beers in him. *I did as well doh. *

So one thing lead to another and we started kissing.... Very passionate kisses I might add. *And we'd stop in between to talk and one of the things he mentioned was that he wasn't looking for a wife right now. *Which uhm duh I'm not rushing to the alter...but it was still a little dig to my ego. *He's givinge me mixed messages though cos the other night he said he was interested in more then just a friend. *And while making out and talking I asked "well...uh...is ths friends with benefits?" *and he said "no...well...i dunno" *so okay it's an honest answer considering everythinh is still new. *But he's mentioned a few times how much he enjoys being around me and my humor and that he's never been with someone who gets him like I do and vise versa. *He also told me that every time he drove past where I work he'd think about me.
**I have a messed up back and just had a lumbar fusion in december. *I was complaining about my back hurting so he got up and walked away for some reason. *Then he ame back and we started making out again. Later We decided to head to bed and when I went to lay down I found a heating pad that was all heated up for me which was the sweatest thing ever.
** *So obviously we ended up having sex....not cos of the heating pad lol but because we obviously like eachother. *During our activities he mentioned that I was beautiful again... A few times. *And heres the kicker...he told me he loved me three different times during. *I didn't quite know how to react as that's happened to me before with an ex friends with benefits. *I didn't believe the ex and kinda freaked out and asked why he said that. *But then it made me think about my feelings and I started falling in love..bad idea. *So with my new guy I just kind of ignored it...sorta. *After I asked him would you consider this just having sex or making love and his response actually surprised me...he said "making love" I even told him that if he didn't mean what he said about loving me that "its okay if it's not true you were just caught up in the moment." *he didn't say anything. *But three times seems like an awful lot if he didn't really mean*it. *Once I get..it happens sometimes..but three?. *He*did really enjoy our moment so much he was also muttering...lmao.

So I guess I'm just a bit confused with the mixed messages and what he said and did for me last night. *He is a good guy just makes mistakes sometimes. *As well as myself. *We are very compatible always laugh with one another, flirt and have some major chemistry which neither of us deny. *So what kind advice do any of you have out there? *Fyi he has been sinlge for almost a year. *He's a really smart and pretty honest guy and knows he doesn't have to bullshit with me or beat around the bush to get me in bed. *It's a mutual attraction of which we've both discussed. *What do I do? *Is this the beginning stages of a relationship? *Are we bound to explode or implode? *Is this bound for disaster?!!?

[Dale Bruce]

Hey,

So..I'm not the person that should be giving advice right now..especially after my..Well anyway

My first relationship..10 years ago..started like this..it was great..it was more than great..Pretty much everything you've said..was what happened with me..And everything worked out great!
I mean..I'm a bit old fashioned..so I don't believe in sex before marriage unless..you know..it's a really strong emotional feeling I feel towards the person..so that didn't happen with me lol. BUT We did last a year..She was killed..that's what ended it for us..but if she was still alive I'd say we'd still be together today..So What I'm trying to say is..I believe you two will be great together! You like him..he likes you..and you hit it off great, so yeah, I'd say as long as you're both mature enough..it'll last as long as you both want it too

[oldfriend]

well I'm sorry to hear about your loss and thanks for your advise!

[Dale Bruce]

It's ok..

You're welcome I'm sure everything will work out grande! Good luck

[oldfriend]

I'm a bit worried that our having sex may hav ruined things tho.

[Dale Bruce]

Why would that worry you?? He seems to have feelings for you..and maybe he was caught up in the moment..but..I dunno..it seems like he really likes you.
I know when Maritza(My current..or..ex "girlfriend") asked if we could participate in these activities..she said it wouldn't be sex..it would be making love..and that made me feel happy and warm..and even made me actually want to ignore my beliefs of "No sex before marriage " That was when I knew I loved her..So..If I was the guy you were with..I would have meant it when I said "I love you" There would be no doubt in my mind at all.
So I guess it just kinda depends on you?

[oldfriend]

well although it was a long time coming it was still rushed. We do like one another but guys do often say things they want us to hear to get us in bed. He says he has no time for games, interested in more then a fling etc....but then said isn't looking for a wife.....what the heck does that even freakin mean I mean I perception of that is that all he wants is a fling.

[Dale Bruce]

Oh..Um..Well after hearing that..I'd say..it probably..won't last..But..I could be just a different type of guy..? I know I AM looking for a wife..someone to settle down with..He sounds like he just wants pleasure. And if that's what you want right now too..then it sounds like it's ok..but if you want more..I don't think he'll be the one to give it..

I want to give good news..but..to me..if I said that to the woman I was with..it would be because I wanted her to know it wasn't going to last..and I don't want her to get her hopes up..

I want to be clear though.. Not all guys are like that lol Some are actually genuine..maybe he did just want to get you to sleep with him..and by saying he loved you..he might have been implying he wanted to be sure he'd get with you again..?

All I know is..like I said..If I said that..not that I ever would..since I'd have to be totally in love with a woman to make love..but if it was me..it would be because I didn't want you to get hurt when I left

[oldfriend]

I dunno I don't buy that it's just about sex....and I beleieve that he does car about me...but I love you seems a bit strong. He's giving me mixed messages on the one hand he says he's interested thens says he's not looking for a wife right now...then later tells me he loves me and does the sweetests things for me. Bah I give up.

[Dale Bruce]

He most likely does care..now..but he may be anticipating..wanting to find someone else later.
I'm a hopeless romantic..so I'm the wrong person to be giving advice lol

[oldfriend]

I told him it was okay if he didn't mean what he said about loving me if he was caught up in the moment but didn't say anything back....so I dunno if he really meant what he said cos if he for sure didn't mean it he'd make sure to tell me he didn't just as he said he wasn't looking for a wife right now....i think he's confused which is confusing me.

[Dale Bruce]

Yeah..Or..well how old are you? And...OOH I just re-read what you said!! I thought you said you were in Highschool now! Sorry!

Hm..Well..that kinda changes things a bit..I still think he isn't serious though..maybe he meant it at the time..but I think..the whole "Wife" comment was true..or maybe he just doesn't want to think of commitment? He could even just dislike the idea of getting married? He might just want to stay as a couple and leave it at that..who would knowlol.. Guys ARE complicated too! That's why I like being radically honest when I'm talking to my partner..so she KNOWS exactly what I mean..Ima have to stop that though..since apparently it makes me look like a spineless wimp..XD
But..hey..maybe he IS just really confused..maybe you should talk to him again??

[oldfriend]

I've known him forever we talk about everything...im 33 he's 32. We hav an open enough relationship where we speak what's on our mind but he has yet to mention why he said he loved me...not once or twice butthree times. And like I said before he doesn't need to blow smoke up my ass....weve already established a mutual attraction towards one another.

[Dale Bruce]

Well, I'm only 21..and my..soulmate is 19..but..we talked about absolutely everything as well..holding nothing back..we weren't embarrassed about anything..
What I mean to say is..When I told her I loved her..I meant it from the bottom of my heart. It's not easy for a guy to say those words..if he said it to you three times..I'm sure he meant it..maybe he just has trouble talking about his feelings? Or perhaps he doesn't want you to think he's soft?

From what I've read..it's obvious you both like each other. He might not want to talk about what he said..because you didn't say it back..If Maritza didn't say it back to me..I would be embarrassed about ever saying it..That's probably how he feels too..But I'm not sure..that's just my opinion..

[oldfriend]

well that's the other thing that I've thought about is that I don't woant him to feel bad or rejected because I didn't say it back. I'm not really to say I love you to anyone right now...i did make sure to tell him that I really liked him afterwards....but I didn't quite know how to react.