If you were the guy, what could I do to get you back?

[misty_dreams]

Long story short: I like a guy who I know a bunch of other girls have fallen for. Works for a production company (I've done projects there). He's older, mid-40's. Has no problem with girls in their early 20's. Sexy older guy, it's not the money.

I was 20, we slept together a bunch of times for a few months, texted each other frequently, I had never been happier. This started two years ago. The joy ride lasted for about a year. And while I KNOW that guys will tell you "whatever you want to hear" just to have sex and then dump you off, I know this was different. The conversations, certain things he would tell me...that's not what one-night stands are like. But no, we were never considered to be BF/GF. I know I was the only one for awhile, but not for an entire year.

It all started dwindling when his ex that he clearly loved dearly supposedly started missing him again. I'm guessing he would jump at the chance to see her any time she would let him, because he was suddenly always "too busy" to get back to my messages for days or weeks (and I'm not one of those psycho-chicks who texts every two minutes, trust me) and for the first time since it started, it went from sleeping together at least once a week to gaps of several months occurring. Then the worst part of all happened--I almost walked in (they didn't notice me) on them kissing at the office on the day I had planned to talk to him. Obviously, I left right away before they saw me and never got to talk. The visual really stung me. We had also kissed in the same place a few times in the past.

So anyway, gentlemen, if there's a chance he's still into me despite the ex taking up more of his thinking-space, what can I do to stand out in a classy way? We still talk here and there--he still initiates it sometimes. Would you prefer that the girl (me) has a long talk about it and where we stand, or should I just appear as busy as possible and that I'm doing well in life, and if he comes back, he comes back? I'm confused if sharing my feelings of how hurt I've become through this would just make him less attracted. (And if I should mention what I almost barged in on over there.)

Thanks so much for your time!

[ozzy]

don't hide what you feel, if you still feel attached to him then i think you should probably have a long conversation with him in order to figure things out you know.. otherwise this is gonna keep goin on forever

[KelE]

I'd say stick to the thought process that you are not getting what you need and that is not acceptable and think less about what he needs and will he be attracted to you. Why isn't his waffling behavior turning you off. I think it would help if you think of it that way. In the end if he doesn't deserve you I think you'd be more likely to see it clearly and then maybe you'll be the one that dsn't want to be with him.

[CAM]

If you weren't the only horse in his stable during that year, then why would you want him back? This is a very typical scenario: guy that all the girls wants and girls that will sleep with him to see if they can capture his heart.

You'll have to excuse me now. Must run off to the vomitorium.

Get some pride and move on if you have any self-worth.

[CAM]

[url=http://vodpod.com/watch/144140-im-your-puppet-james-and-bobby-purify]I'm your puppet - James and Bobby Purify Video[/url]

[jb1111983]

Sorry I'll be brutally honest here. He only wants you for sex! You'll always be the girl he can go to for sex but nothing more than that. From your post isn't it obvious that he's still so into his ex? His ex has the power over him. He wants her back. I know I'm no one to tell you you should do this or that. But trust me you don't wanna be with him. Even if you and he were in a relationship he'll have sex with other girls too. Do you really want to be with such man? There are many interesting guys out there, you should look beyond this guy. You're young so consider this as a lesson for growth and move on. You're just obsessed with him. A few years from now you won't find this old man that likeable.

[Jolicoeur]

So anyway, gentlemen, if there's a chance he's still into me despite the ex taking up more of his thinking-space

Put yourself into his situation. How would you react to another guy who visibly is very into you, but you're still stuck on your production guy? How much light of day would you give this new suiter?

Trying to get him back while he's trying to get back with his ex, I believe, is useless. Waiting is not the smart thing to do either, but I've got no right to speak since I'm in a complex waiting game of my own.

what can I do to stand out in a classy way?

If you can't let it go, at least find out why his ex split, and what got them back together. If she's poison to him, they might break up again. If he's been cheating on her, she might dump him permanently. But then again, would you want something with that kind of person?

My feeling is that this guy is very good at telling you what you want to hear. This becomes second nature for him, and he might not even do it on purpose. Be very careful. I wouldn't tell him you saw them kissing. You might want to keep that as a test to see if he's lying to you.

But to give you an answer to your original question, the classy way, I'd say act understanding. Caring but with some reservations. Counsel him on the ways his ex is taking up his life, but let him know he has to choose. Don't be the mistress, be the new flame.

Good luck, and lots of strength,

J.

P.S. I really wish you a new guy.