Need ex girlfriend help.

[motleylou]

Hi everybody on the forums, Last week my gf of 8 months broke up with me. The back story is that we had a 1 hour distance between us and were seeing each other on weekends and talked on the phone every day. We had a great thing going doing that for 7 months, but she was always miserable at home and with her job. 6 weeks ago she quit her job and I said well if you want you can move in with me in my parents house.

She was very excited and moved in about 1 month ago, the 1st week things were great and the second week things were still good but not as good as week 1. She visited home often and I was fine with that(i'm not overbearing at all). The 3rd week we had a couple's trip planned and that went AWESOME! Then we came home and she went back by herself to have a girls night and be with her mom for the weekend.

When she came back on Sunday everything was different there was little affection and she barley even moved or showed any effort to do anything while I was at work all day (she had yet to find work living with me). She seemed severely depressed and has struggled in the past with depression. At the same time she found out 2 weeks earlier that her dad is moving far away(different state) and she won't see anymore and they had a bad relationship to begin with. So one week after coming back from our vacation she decides to tell me that she isn't happy here and has to move back home.

I said that's fine and you have to do what you have to do to make yourself happy, and we broke up the next day via phone. Her reason's were that she wants to be close to her family and her dad and that she doesn't have the effort to put into a relationship. I'm deeply saddened by this and just want her to be happy and can't believe that this happened after we had such a great time just 1 week prior(no big fights we always got along great).

So my question is what is my next move if I want her back? Should I call to see how she's doing or let her have time and figure herself out and let her contact me? If I do let her make first contact how long should I wait, because I truly love her and am saddened for her that she's so down, but don't want to have any regrets and later and say "Man if only I tried to get her back or check up on her maybe we would be together?"

Thanks in advance everyone, sorry for the loooong post but these last few days have been really tough....btw are ages are 24 and 23 and a little bit about her personality is that she is very stubborn and keeps things to herself, which is why she didn't tell me and talk about things and made such a drastic life changing move without giving me the chance to help her out or console her or try and be there for her.One more piece of advice that might help, the sex was still great and on a regular basis it was just the everyday affection little kisses and grabs that went away after she came back from the weekend at home and we even had sex just 2 days before she split(I just don't understand?)

[devonbrown]

And you may never understand. Unfortunately, that is the truth in breakups that happen for seemingly no reason.

The best you can do is leave her be to figure her things out. Tell her you are there for her, and if you can handle a friendship with her, let her know you would like to stay friends. Staying in her life (talking to her, etc) is a good step because she will see that you are still around and care for her. That thought will still be there once she deals with her own issues at home.

You two talked everyday, so there will be a gap in time for each of you where you will have nothing to do but miss each other. Just try to concentrate on your own happiness and hopefully she can do the same. If there comes a time again for the two of you, you both may be better for this experience. Just be understanding.

Good luck.

[motleylou]

Thanks a lot for the reply man, ya it's really weird it's not like there was a ton of fights and I saw this coming bc we couldn't stand each other anymore. We got along great and all the sudden the last week she was here she was really severely depressed and would barley get out of bed, didn't even put on jeans and get ready for the day, just basically had idle time while I was at work and I think that played a big part in her depression and eventually her leaving. Her reasoning was she couldn't get better here and had to be home and then said she couldn't be in the relationship anymore because she couldn't give me all of herself and deal with my needs and i's not fair to me. So I guess i'll take that at face value and believe her. It's just hard because I want to be there for here and she wouldn't let me in. So I guess for now i'm gonna give her the space she asked for by leaving and let here make the first move. I told her before she left that I was always here for her and she can call at any time.So there's nothing more that I can do and it just sucks.

[elleda]

first of all, no offense but you guy are too young to really be THAT serious. it feels like it though, i know, i've been there.

i wonder if she is distant towards you because you were not very interested in her situation. did you talk about her feelings with her? try to help her find solutions to the problems she was having? that could cause some resentment from her. my advice is to tell her, maybe write it? that you feel frustrated because you are so concerned about her but you don't know what you can do to help and maybe you could have done more. tell her you care so much for her and want to be there for her and can put "the relationship" on hold until she gets through her difficult time.

girls always want to be chased, i think. guys don't do that enough.

on the other hand, i hate to say it but there's always the posibility that there could be someone else?

if you really care for her though, i think that her going back home would be best for her right now to get things sorted out and have that support system and familiarity although it was great of your family to take her in.

just give it time. you're young, time's all that you have

[motleylou]

Thanks a lot Elleda very interesting perspective and nice to see a neutral girls pov. Yes I tried so hard to ask her questions and get her out of her depression slump, I asked all the time how she was feeling and how her mom and dad were doing. It got to the point were I didn't know what she was thinking like it was a whole different person at times, I guess that's what depression can do. I also tried so hard to keep her busy while I was at work she liked to cook and I told her to pick out a nice meal and we can make it when I get home if you get the stuff at the store or walk our dogs or buy some flowers and plant them around the house. I believe that she just didn't have the energy to do that bc of the depression and constantly thinking about her problems at home and would try and put on a good face around me to not let me know just how down she was....And it's interesting about chasing her bc that what my hearts telling me to do, but everything I've read and everyone I've talked to told me to do the opposite and let her come to me first, any thoughts?

[elleda]

i would throw it out there and THEN back off. leave it at that and that's it. either she'll take it or she won't. but don't hold your breath. that's what i suggest! but you are the one that has to decide lol

[elleda]

ps: if you found my posts helpful in an way, would you mind "thanking" me? in the lower left hand of the post there's a button to click.

thanks!

[motleylou]

I def appreciate the response. What I'm going to do is give her the 2 weeks she asked for last thing she said is " hey maybe in a few weeks we can meet up." And if I hear nothing then i'm gonna give her a call and tell her exactly how I feel now that I've had time to reflect on it, because I just can't live with myself if I don't at least give it a shot. And like you said after that it's up to her and if she says no then i'm better off with another girl.