What to think?

[harleynight]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now and the other day I told him I was crazy about him and that I was in love with him. At first he didn't respond, then he said that he just can't reciprocate that, he does like me and enjoys me alot, but he is progressing at a much slower rate than I have. Then he did say that the key word here is progressing. I guess it's good that he's progressing, just not sure what to make of it???

[aenima326]

How old are you, and what happened in his previous relationships?

[harleynight]

Not sure what my age has to do with this, but I will be 40 this month. And as for his previous relationship, a mutual friend introduced us and said that he ex drained him in every way possible. He had been single for 5 years when we started seeing each other.

[aenima326]

I asked your age because if your younger, capital L - Love is something many guys shy from. Being that your'e older, his previous relationships come into play. He has been single for 5 years, which is indicatory that he is possibly hesitant, reluctant, perhaps even unable to feel comfortable securing a deeper connection with a female. Given his last relationship, which "drained him," he might take time to warm up to the idea.

Yes, you put your pocket Aces on the table, and he trumped you with a straight flush. Now you feel a little embarrassed, let down, and possibly uncomfortable being with someone who has not or cannot be reciprocal of your love. The tables are turned, there is seemingly no balance. BUT he says he enjoys you, and that he is just progressing slower. Be patient, don't bring up love again unless he does. If you love him, and he likes you, things should develop fine. At this stage, he doesn't appear to have any reason to lie to you. He appears to be just being honest. Go with it. Unless the relationship suddenly changes significantly, you should be fine. Give the guy some time, but DO NOT pressure him into reciprocating "love." That can lead to a whole mess neither of you will want to pick up.

[harleynight]

Makes sense now, I was wondering what the age had to do with it....lol. I was sort of thinking that his previous relationship has something to do with this, because when we first started seeing each other, he made a comment that he had a bit of a moment when he was freaking thinking what am I doing, am I ready for this. But he reassured me that it wasn't me and that it would pass.

Yes I did feel a little embarrassed, let down and uncomfortable but I wouldn't want him to say it if he doesn't mean it also. But he did tell me that he didn't feel awkward or would act differently with me because of this. I almost did say it again since then, but figured he already knows how I feel, so now I just have to be patient and wait for him to catch up, I guess. No he is very honest with me and his heart just needs time to figure it out.

Thanks for the advice aenima, it is greatly appreciated.

[devonbrown]

I agree with aenima on this one.

My advice is this - don't worry about how things are labeled or expressed. At this point, his actions are more important. And his actions show that he wants to be with you and is not planning on not being with you at any point in the near future. So take joy in that and enjoy the actions you two have together.
Words are just words, but it is the actions that make memories.

Good luck.

[harleynight]

Thanks Devon, yes his actions show that he wants to be with me and I don't think he's planning on going anywhere in the near future either. I am taking joy in our time and in his actions.

Thanks again Devon.