Snooping? Would you do it?

[IndiReloaded]

You know, the confidence thing goes both ways. Men enjoy confident women also.

[im_a_fool]

Confidence may be my issue actually...or at least the illusion of confidence. I full admit that I don't come off very lady like...I take care of myself, run two successful businesses, work on my car when needed...what he sees is the tough girl that believes in herself and won't compromise for anyone and that...I realize now...is bad. Matter of fact I have been divorced 3 times, 2 of which were for being a prideful, stubborn independent to the extreme woman. I realize that a man needs some femininity and I admit that I lack that...

I made our conversation simple...I just asked him if he had spoken with her, he said yes, told me the entire conversation and then deleted her promptly...there wasn't much to say after that...

[a19drift]

All I'm going to say is: If you look for something, you WILL find it. If you believe that you have a reason to not trust him, you already don't trust him.

I'm going through all of this right now myself, and it's hard. Because when you read a text over someone's shoulder, or happen to glance at a Facebook message that wasn't meant for you in the first place, that pretty girl and the nice things he says to her gets to you, even though you might be the only pretty girl on his mind. You don't know, even if you ask, you still might not know.

This doesn't seem like concrete evidence to NOT trust the guy, it seems like concrete evidence for him to slam you for betraying the trust he has in you to NOT snoop.
Yo u want to know something, ask! Don't go behind his back.

[im_a_fool]

What a horrible few weeks this has been. I guess I am posting here for a slap in the face or for support, hopefully, despite the fact that I have been a fool for so long...I'm mainly venting...I need to because this has been insane.

As some may know by the thread I did look...and what I found bothered me not based solely upon content but based upon who it was...the person he had this conversation with was the same person he would go to and flirt with in plain sight whenever he would get upset with me for even the slightest thing such as not coming to see him immediately when he'd call. As always, the toxicity of the relationship prevailed. I tried to be good to him...it wasn't working and treating him well seemed to make him flirt more, say more hurtful things and even ignore me. In fact, I told him that all I wanted was to see where things went, spend time together when we could and enjoy each other...and that was it. Since it always seemed he wanted what I did NOT want he told me he wanted to eventually marry me. As always, and I hadn't mentioned it here, he harped on my appearance. I work long hours from home so getting "made up" isn't a priority...I would wear nice things when we went out and always wore makeup but he has always tore into me about the fact that I don't dress girly. On one date we went shopping and he picked out things he wanted to see me in...175 bucks on one trip (my expense of course). I did try to dress more feminine but it was never enough. I'd buy things I thought he'd like and he of course did not...two different styles, I suppose. Or it wasn't my clothing at all but just a way to control me...had to be because when I came up with the solution that I would wear anything he bought for me, this was not acceptable. I had to dress the way he wanted me to and just KNOW what he wanted to see and buy these things myself. Not long after I posted here he actually said "If you don't take pride in your appearance, then I don't have to be proud of you." I can't even explain how hurtful it was to hear this. My friends all tell me I am beautiful and I know that I take care of myself. I'm not frumpy or ugly but he tried to make me feel this way...until I decided I'd had enough.

I walked away. He begged me not to go. I stayed.

After this his new mission was that I "let him be the man." That I am too independent to a point of being ungrateful and it seems I didn't need him. I needed some furniture moved and hauled off so I asked him if he would help with this. He flaked it off...a few days later I asked again and over the course of 5 weeks I asked a few more times with him always saying "soon." He eventually told me "I can't keep up my own place. How do you expect me to keep up yours? I just don't have time. Besides you don't even invite me to your house." So I invited him to my house and offered to cook a meal which I admit I don't often do...he could never make it for various reasons. So, after 5 weeks, I hired a company to haul the furniture off for me. When he found this out he got upset and ignored me for a day or two...and then I get a call from a friend who informs me that a recent ex-gf (he dated her this year during one of our breaks) had asked him to move some furniture for her and he told her would take a day off the next week to help her. The man didn't have time to help me, but could take off an entire day for an ex-girlfriend. I walked away...he begged me not to go and apologized. He said "Stay with me for the summer. I'm begging you not to run. Let's finish this love story." I stayed and I don't know why.

This was 3 weeks ago and we barely saw each other during that time but when we did we talked of love and he even brought up us moving in together which we decided against.

He spent this week on vacation with his family. I heard from him a great deal the first day but barely at all most of the week. He is coming back today so last night based on the content of a conversation I asked him what was going on.

He told me that we couldn't stop fighting and we didn't need this. He said "You told me you missed me this week but I enjoyed being away from you." One of the viciously hurtful things he has said to me over the last 15 months. Like when he told me I wasn't worth it. The many times he called me by his ex-wife's name. Or the day after he told me he loved me for the first time when he said "I know I love you but I have a lot of work to do on myself because the most beautiful woman in the world is my ex-wife and it hurts to know that." Or the "accidental text" he sent me during a period that we were just "dating" on the morning I planned to go out of town with him to see his son play football...a text that said "I'd much rather be going to that club with you but dammit I have to take my son to a football game this weekend. How about next weekend?"

Last night I told him I understood that the relationship needed to end and I do know this. I was completely positive and wished him luck. Asked him not to text again. Of course he did and said that he hated it for the kids but good luck. I didn't respond and he sent "Thank you for being good to my sons. I mean that. Goodbye." Then yet another saying "we tried. we can at least say that and if we don't find anyone we still have our kids and that's what I am going to do." The fact that he kept texting after I asked him not too showed me one major thing...the cycle won't stop.

I'd say we have ended things a dozen times in 15 months. A few days would pass and he would message me...ask me if I needed help with anything or call me his friend and tell me to have a great day. We'd go back and forth a few times and before I knew it the cycle would start again. It's insane that someone as strong as I know that I am would have so much drama in my life and would let someone completely tear me down like this. In every relationship I have ever been in I demanded respect and gave respect. I have no self esteem right now at all and I have done this to myself repeatedly.

So I did something today I have never done. I changed my phone number. He is completely blocked on any social networking sites and everything is private. And now I am left here trying to figure out what has happened and why. I am lucky to be rid of him...but in a toxic relationship it apparently becomes an obsession to fix things and now there is nothing to fix. I feel numb. He has always tried to contact me in some way...messages, texting or just coming straight to my house. I don't want the cycle to continue but I'm a wreck right now, I admit it. I let a fool make a fool out of me...over and over again. I let him control how I dressed and ate, where I went and how much time I spent with family and friends. This is insane...and what is most insane is that I know he will TRY to contact me...he always has...but hopefully with the number change he will get it...

How did I let something this crazy into my life?