Need some advice...

[xjl82x]

Ok so I am brand new to these forums and this is my first post! lol but I would really appreciate if you would read this entire post. I tried to cut it down as best as I could...

So I am a 26 male and I met this girl at college who is 24. I am in my last week of school. School and distance is not the issue since the college is only 1 hour away from our home towns and she goes back home on the weekends.

My situation starts with this girl has been throwing me mixed signals for the past month. I met her in December and hung out with her a few times between December and end of March (about 2-3 times). Then all of the sudden during the last few days of March we started hanging out ALOT. She has been sleeping at my townhouse at school every weekday at school. Over the course of the month of staying at my house 4 days a week (and when I say staying at my house I mean she usually comes over around 8-9pm hangs out for a bit movie or w/e and we go to sleep).

This girl has been giving me signals like she is interested in me when we are together. Sleeping at my house, texting, calling etc... So im like cool shes very attractive and fun to hang out with and I am really into her as well. So as i said she has been sleeping at my house and after the first week I made no sexual moves at all so i could feel her out and I didnt want to seem like thats all i wanted. So i held off and then the 2nd week came around and we kissed a few times. Then during the 2nd week we made out for like 3 minutes lol... So about 5 days go by and we make out for like 10 min and she interrupts me while about to take her pants off saying "Just so you know I dont want to have sex" and i said "Ok not a problem at all" then she said something else and we started talking and it ended up to a deep conversation about relationships we had in the past. So w/e i was cool.

So 4th week comes by and I am getting pretty pissed over here because I have been with a decent amount of girls and had about 6 relationships 3 which were serious. And i talked to friends as well and it doesnt make sense to me that in the 1st month of sleeping at my house we made out 2 times for like a total of 5minutes. Because when 2 ppl are interested in each other they are all over each other especially in the 1st month....

So I decided during the 4th week to ask her where this relationship was going because I felt it was more of a friendship. I told her that I was looking for a relationship in general and she replied with "Your a really nice guy and I am not used to nice guys. I really want to take things go and see where they go. I like my friends and parents to met the guy instead of just having the guy come over one day and met my friends and family and me saying that this is my boyfriend."

So I am completely understanding guy and was like ok thats cool I understand that. But i never said anything about sex or anything. So the week goes by and still nothing sexual and I am getting pissed because she is giving me vibes that she is full of it about the whole taking it slow stuff. I felt as if she was just using that as an excuse because she wasnt 100% into me.

Since I felt this way I decided I wanted answers and she wasnt going to give them to me. I decided to look through her text messages on her phone and saw that she was talking to about 3 other guys. Saying they were cute and she wanted to met up with them and that she misses another one etc... So i got pretty pissed at this point.

A few more days go by and I decided i didnt want to deal with this girl anymore. So I text her that i dont think this is going to work because your not on the same page as me. So we get into this elaborate text conversation about how i feel this relationship is going towards a friendship because she doesnt give me the vibes meaning body language, communication, and sexually. To make this part short she just basically says she is on the same page just not yet and that she wants to spend time in the summer with me and that we just chill at my place and she wants to actually have fun with me... She goes on also and says she is scared bc of her past bf's. And i said she needs to be optimistic and that i have been screwed over 3 times in my serious relationships but i know everyone isnt the same. And that she has also been with me for over a month and sees me 5/7 days a week so she gets a very good idea already of the type of person i am and that also she even said i was a good guy not like the others... Also I say to her I am not going to be talking to other gilrs at all because I am interested in you and i also said can i expect the same from you? She said "Yes im not talking to other guys anyway".

So I got suckered into accepting her plea of not being ready. So another day goes by and i decide to look at her phone again for answers. I see she has texts to this dude that was in town that she was friends with from over the weekend. She sends a text saying "What do you want to do" and he says "You " She says "Touche".... Ok so now im pissed. I keep looking and i see they chilled until 4am that night and at the end of the convo she says I miss you. She also had texts saying she wanted to plan a trip out to go and see him during the summer. I look further at other texts and she has these text from another guy that she used to work with and hasnt seen in a long time and he sent a pic to her and she says your really cute i want to hang out with you. So this enough for me and im pissed.

So I tried to cut it down and be as brief as possible. But that didnt really work out that well even though this was still very brief lol...

Also, as additional info she is a sexual person because of some smaller details I didnt include in here. I work out 4 days a week for the past year and a half and I am in very good shape and she has told me i am attractive. So those are not reasons for her not being sexual with me. And obviously being sexually active (doesnt have to include sex) brings 2 people closer together.

I have 3 main questions about all this...


1) My question to you is what does taking it slow mean? Obviously even though she said she wasnt gonna talk to other guys she still is.

2) I know it isnt right to look through someones phone but when my gut says there isnt right about something with this girl then I follow it. I HATE being lied to and HATE wasting my time with someone so it leads me to this alternative sometimes . Is it really that bad that I did that? Is it not ok to protect myself...?

3) Also, how do I know if she really is trying to take it slow OR is just see out her options even though she told me she "doesnt talk to other guys anyway"?

[Klim]

Okay, I read the whole thing. Just looking at your list of 3 things, I think:

1) There's a difference between "not talking to other guys" and "not looking for relationships with other guys". I can see why she would talk to and be friends with other guys, but I doubt she's seeking other options besides you.

2) I'm really trusting of other people, so I'd discourage you from rifling through her phone. Of course, it's really your choice, but I don't think there's anything you need to protect yourself from.

3) I think she's just taking it slow. I think it's better to have a slow, meaningful relationship than a rushed, almost-emotionless one. You two are fond of each other, to say the least, and she seems to be making this last longer than most college relationships. Whether that's on purpose or not, I don't know.

Also, you could talk to her about this. She'd know more about your relationship than I would, and maybe you could settle a few of your discomforts with this relationship.