To Marry or not to Marry

[HeartIsAching]

^^^He's got a good point. I'll add another:

Something I've learned through my long history of failed marriages - don't get married until you're without a doubt in your mind that you want to do it. If you can rush into it full-tilt, without hesitation, you've got it right. If there's the slightest doubt, you should wait and see.

[MaidenMinx]

Girls opinion on the gay thing....

You've mentioned her English isn't brilliant, you've mentioned that she tried to simply tell you he didn't make her happy, you've mentioned that they had no sex hence her being unhappy...
Possibilities...
1) She's not completely sure what gay means and is trying to tell you he didn't seem attracted to her
2) She tried telling you she just wasn't happy and that wasn't good enough for you so she'd thrown in the gay thing just to get you off her back OR
3) there is some horrible reason no one has considered or mentioned and she is trying (badly) to hide it from you

[Boisdevie]

Sounds to me like a train wreck about to happen. She wants marriage after less than a year for me = way too fast.

[Justaniceguy]

Ok Ok!

She hasn't been pressing me for marriage for no reason. She's pregnant by me. I didn't want to say that to sway peoples opinions.

It was an accident, but we have to figure out what to do. She wants to keep it and she wants a family (husband). She hasn't told her mom or anyone else because I think she wants to say she's getting married first.

So as much as I'd love to wait another year, I kind of need to make up my mind soon. I know you shouldn't get married for a child, I understand that. I also know that waiting is also still ok. Honestly though, if she wasn't married before I would do it in an instant. No hesitation. She's a wonderful person.

I just find her story a bit weird and I think about it all the time. Unfortunately on my part I've brought it up so many times that she is getting really pissed off at me.

Thanks
Justaniceguy.

[Nicholas_V]

I think you have already made up your mind and you are looking now for reassurance. Pregnant or not, the facts still stand unchanged: you don't know her.

Whatever you choose to do, you will obviously still have a responsibility towards the baby - if she chooses to keep it.

[Justaniceguy]

Nicholas,

Maybe you're right. You're not helping much if I am looking for reassurance, lol! I keep thinking also that why didn't her ex husband get her pregnant?!? Was she telling the truth, I don't know.

I just want to do the right thing. If she's an honest woman with good values than of course I'll marry her and so far she's shown she is. Her past is questionable though and that concerns me.

Thanks
Justaniceguy

[Nicholas_V]

You're not helping much if I am looking for reassurance,
Justaniceguy

You asked for an honest opinion - that's what we give you. Doesn't it surprise you that almost everyone here says the same thing? If you wanted a pat on the back you could have asked for that and you would have got it.

I just want to do the right thing.

The right thing would be to get to know her first, then decide if you want to marry her and then start thinking of babies. So, by definition, you can no longer do the right thing. You are talking about damage control now.

If she's an honest woman with good values than of course I'll marry her and so far she's shown she is. Her past is questionable though and that concerns me.

Your call what you do. I stand by my earlier arguments. I think you are taking up a massive risk going ahead with this and I am conscious that such risks MOST of the times don't pay up.

[DarkHelmet82]

My ex broke up with her ex because she questioned his sexuality, but she was engaged to him and still thinks about him (but claims she wouldnt get back with him.) My point is I can somehow relate.. if your girlfriend doesnt think about her ex i dont see the problem...

[Boisdevie]

Excellent, well done. You are both so stupid that she is now pregnant and you hardly know each other. Don't you know how contraception works? I do worry for the child - it will inherit both your stupid genes.

[VincenzoG91]

How is she going to get through med school while dealing with a baby?

[Justaniceguy]

DarkHelmet82,

Thanks for that. Do you know why she questioned him? The way he acted or lack of sex? etc.? I knew this guy who acted kind of gay (feminine) and I thought perhaps he was, but found out he was not... he really liked women

Boisdevie,

Perhaps our child will be so stupid he/she will be genius! All kidding aside your comment was useless.

Thanks
Justaniceguy.

[Justaniceguy]

VincenzoG91,

She's just about done with her courses. Her last test is in June. So, she will be fine for that... she might have to take a year off before looking for a job (to take care of the baby though)... not sure what she'll want to do yet. She has to pass her exam first. If she doesn't she can still get a job, just not as good.

Thanks
Justaniceguy

[VincenzoG91]

It's still going to be hard for her after her board exam. To become a general practitioner, she has to do a one-year internship, with brutal hours. She will frequently be staying overnight in the hospital, sometimes working 30 hours or more without sleep. Hope you like changing diapers, because you're going to be spending a lot of time with the baby.

And GPs don't make good money compared to specialists. Depending on the specialty, a specialist internship could last from 2-7 years.

[vashti]

Ok Ok!

She hasn't been pressing me for marriage for no reason. She's pregnant by me. I didn't want to say that to sway peoples opinions.

It was an accident, but we have to figure out what to do. She wants to keep it and she wants a family (husband). She hasn't told her mom or anyone else because I think she wants to say she's getting married first.

So as much as I'd love to wait another year, I kind of need to make up my mind soon. I know you shouldn't get married for a child, I understand that. I also know that waiting is also still ok. Honestly though, if she wasn't married before I would do it in an instant. No hesitation. She's a wonderful person.

I just find her story a bit weird and I think about it all the time. Unfortunately on my part I've brought it up so many times that she is getting really pissed off at me.

Thanks
Justaniceguy.

I think the fact that she is pregnant is a critical point. If you love her, and she is having your baby, you should marry her if that's what she wants. Who cares about the "gay" ex, and who cares if she wants citizenship? You want to keep her and have a regular relationship with your child, don't you? And you said you love her...

Also, please clarify: did you say she is in medical school? I didn't think you said that, but I don't think she will EVER be employed as an MD if she is going to school online.

[Justaniceguy]

vashti,

Let me clarify, she graduated from a 4 year university in the Ukraine. Instead of spending money for medical school here, she is studying on her own and had 5 years to complete 3 tests, 2 of which she passed. She uses the internet to study and she pays for that. Once she passes she can apply for residency. I don't understand the whole process myself to be honest, but she understands what she needs to do.

I do love her, I want to be with her, but I want to be married once and since she's been married before am concerned she will leave at some point for who knows why!

Thanks
Justaniceguy