Confused

[confusius]

MOVING ON?: So as time pass I feel better. I have been working into my ex a lot lately and I noticed that sometimes it will make me sad, and sometimes it won't. This is very confusing and I hope it means that I'm really moving on. The thing too is just that I still kind of want her back, but I have been thinking that maybe we are better of staying away from each other.

COLD: She does not contact me anymore, but last time I called her she did answer my phone call. For some reason I can't really explain, except that I'm trying my best not to feel anything anymore, I have been acting a bit cold with her. Sometimes I will say hi, sometimes I won't and I won't even look at her.

BETTER: Things seems to be getting stable for me. I'm moving out of this apart in two days. WOH! finally; This semester has been a nightmare. I went from been on the dean's list for the first semester to I don't know where right now. But that's alright, I intend to come back stronger for next year. Hopefully I won't get my scholarship taken away.

PLANS: I have plans with my previous roommate for this summer. It really sounds like I'll be having fun. I don't have a driver licence yet so I'll also be working of that this summer too. I'm very excited about everything. We have plans for hiking, canoeing, road trip to Florida too maybe. The only thing driving me back right now it's the fact that I need a job. Oh well, I will try really hard to get one when I get home.

GIRLS: I have been talking to these girls lately. It's weird because I like them three, and I'm so confused. There is one who goes to my school and I think she is a really nice person. She pretty and everything. We share a lot too (I'm French-Cameroonian and she is French-Moroccan). We had this kind of connection when we first met. Anyway the only problem for me it's the fact that she is Muslim and I'm Christian. I mean I grew up with a lot of Muslim and I know how it can be hard to date one. I went out for lunch and dinner several times lately, but I'm still not very sure.

The second girl goes to a college around mine. We met during a community service program on spring break. I like her style, she is pretty too, very funny and talkative. Like me, she likes to do some community service, and she is really involves in her school; for me it just shows how independent she is. It's a quality I really like. Not date yet, but we have been talking a lot lately. I still can't tell if she likes me, but we do have some kind of connection (at least that's what I think). She will be working on a school project in Siberia this summer so basically there is not plans to hang this summer. She did say that she will be calling and skyping me.

This third girl is a girl I had a crutch on back in high school. Pretty as well, from Honduras. We became friends and we have been talking a lot too. More than what we used too back in high school. We went out for dinner several times and she seems to enjoy been with me. I like her and she knows, but she is skeptical for various reasons right now. 1) She thinks I'm looking for a rebound relationship. 2) She doesn't think that she wants a long distance relationship (We are both from NYC, but I go to school in MA). 3) She doesn't want to lose our friendship.

I mean I'm a bit confused. I really think about getting into another relationship now, but I will admit that I still have the ghost of my ex hunting me down from time to time. Should I just lay back and let things happen? What should I do? Humm!

[DarkHelmet82]

go on some dates.. you might find someone who is better than your ex.. there always is.

[Nicholas_V]

the best way to get over someone (if that's what you want) is to start something new. Meet people, dates or no dates. It can't hurt (most of the times), and it will help you see things from a fresh perspective.

[confusius]

Thanks guys. Now I know that I'll see her when time to move out will come because I have some of her stuffs to turn in to her, and some of mine to recuperate. What should I say to her after that.
Nothing?
Just goodbye?
See you around?
...................



PS: She spoiled what with some small efforts could become a beautiful relationship LOL

[DarkHelmet82]

play it by ear.. but be cool. or drop off her stuff on her porch.. thats what i did with my ex.

[confusius]

I didn't know that moving out of this place will be this hard. I'm packing, and I can't help but feeling sad and on the verge of crying :-(
Man I'll miss her tones. She was my first love. This is just too much for me. I know in few days I will be happy that we are out of school and I won't have to live with her anymore, but...... God! It's painful!

[DarkHelmet82]

it gets easier bro... give it time, and keep busy.

[confusius]

I couldn't help it! I just couldn't! I don't think I had ever been this emotional in my life and now I feel like a bitch. I cried???!! Even though I thought I was going to be strong enough to say goodbye when returning her stuffs. I heard it gets easier. It better get easier for me soon.

[Nicholas_V]

nothing wrong with crying man - let it out, you will feel better.

[DarkHelmet82]

ive cried.. not in front of my ex but when im by myself.. it defeintly helps

[confusius]

I just wanted to give a little update about me and my situation.

Well now I'm home. It feels great to know that I can get out of my room and there is no chance for me to walk into her. I'm still figuring out what to do for this summer, but I know that in the end everything will be good. It's still kind of hard on me right now, but at least I don't have school to worry about too. Actually it seems easier than before because I have less stress on me. Last time I saw her to say goodbye, I couldn't help but breaking down and cry (Yes in front of her. Embarrassing I know. But I have already done LOTS of embarrassing things trying to get her back.) I actually didn't think she was going to say long in my room. When I said I just wanted to say goodbye in a proper manner; I didn't beg for her to come back. And I told her that I didn't only lost my girlfriend, but I also lost a friend, a best friend (she truly was), and I will miss her tones even if it's not reciprocal (a weird laugher from her). She sat down and we were both silent for quiet sometime until I broke the silence to tell her that I'll do my best to still be there for her (which I really want to, but it's just too hard). She said she was sorry about how things ended between us; I told her I don't have much to say or do anymore because I have done it all (my tears couldn't ****ing stop rolling down my eyes); then we had another awkward silence. When she finally decided to leave, we hugged each other for quiet sometime too until I decided to let her go. She said have a good summer and I said you too.

No matter what I'm doing so far she is still in my mind. I contacted her twice so far (I'm not really proud of it but I can't either beat myself up for it.) Once to check on her how she was doing with her stuffs because she was moving out, and today to wish her a save trip because she is going back to Thailand where her family works. She said she really appreciate it and all. I kept it really short. Now I need to start all over my no contact. Her in Thailand it's a good thing because I just deleted her Thai number in my phone so that won't be very tempted to call.