Stay over way toooooo early? Freaking out

[Mayita]

Alright so I hope someone else is in this same situation cuz I'm freaking ouut a little bit..

So i met this wonderful man who seems to be like the man i've always wanted in life..

We've been dating for 2 weeks only.. The "problem" is that he lives one hour away from me.
That means everytime we wanna do something together, it gets complicated because he has to stay the night at my place....... He doesnt have a car yet and the last bus is at 9:30pm!

I really like him alot, but i want to take my time.. I'm 27 and he's 29.

He stays over but notthing happens because i find its too soon.. Now i feel that letting him stay over is ruuining what i feel for him.. It feels like we're an "old couple" living together already! (Even if its for one night only..)

What wouuld u do?? I dont want to just break it already cuz i know i can be and will be very happy with him... It just seems to go wayyyyyyyyy tooooo fast for me...

[DarkHelmet82]

thats interesting... my ex would stay over when we first started dating. I waited until she was ready and I was OK. But the fact that you said it is ruining what you are feeling makes me curious.

[Mayita]

Because he is staying at my place and i'm protective of my independance... Plus my past relationships were ruined by the fact that the boyfriend rushed into things too quickly and i used to just go along even if i felt it was too soon...

I feel that after only 2 weeks of dating, i shouldn't see him arriving from woirk dirty, having his shower, brushing his teeths and opening the fridge to get water...this should be once u're in love but after 2 weeks?!.

I feel we should meet, go out, kiss, have fun and then seperate until next time.. I feel that the night he should stay over is when I'll be ready to make love with him...

These are the reasons..

[Dune]

I guess you're afraid that if it goes too fast, you'll end up losing a relationship which you feel have a lot of potential at the moment. From what I understand, you yourself want some space from this guy so as to maintain some degree of attraction. I think I know what you're saying..

If you insist that he doesn't stay over, let him know gently. That's pretty much all you can do. Tell him that you want this relationship to work, but it's going too fast and you need him to slow down a little. I'm sure he'll understand.

Alternatively, you can try accepting that it's no biggie that he wants to stay over. After all, ain't being together what relationships are made of?

[Dune]

Come to think of it, my ex used to always insist that I stay over at her place.. It got to a point where she gets mad if I go home, so I'd usually oblige to stay over. But now I wonder if that killed some passion O.O Never viewed it in the 'old couple' perspective before. Hmm.. Enjoyed some perspective here hah..

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah thats what im thinking too.. did i move too fast especially with someone who was fresh out of a relationship...

my advice is just tell him the truth.

[Mayita]

Yeah i did tell him yesterday... I felt a bit ypset telling him because i know he only has good intentions and never made a move on me even though he stayed over..

But its exactly that, i dont want to kill the passion and i want to have him in my bed when we'll make love, not to just skeep, even tho it feels good..
He understood what i was saying and we will go slower and just do things during our day off or in the evening until 9:30.. I think that way it will be better...

U think we can start over slowly and that things will work out??

[DarkHelmet82]

you seem to want it too... go for it.. i wish i had done that...although i think i still have a shot.. maybe im being stupid

did you just get out of a relationship?

[Mayita]

Yes i do want it to work, he has all the qualities i look for and i know it would be a healthy, equal relationship..

My ex left all of a sudden, one day here, next out. That was 3 months ago and we had been going out for about a year. I'm well over him, but that was a rushed relationship (from him)so thats why i dont want to rush things again and feel freaked out..

It all make sense i think?

[DarkHelmet82]

you got over him quick huh? it seems like you are trying to compare this relationship with your previous one.. thats bad news.. just because one guys didnt like you rushing doesnt mean this guy will care... i tend to rush ALL my relationships and they never work out.. but that doesnt mean im doing anything wrong.... make sense?

[VincenzoG91]

How did you meet this guy who lives one hour away but doesn't have a car?

[Mayita]

Honestly, the relationship wasnt good... I was blinded and wanted to kind if "save him" and make him happy even though i wasnt happy.. So when he left, it was hard but i quickly realized that i wasnt happy and it was a one sided relationship.. We had just started living together

The only thing is that it was rushed when i didnt want it to rushed so now, i don't compare because we're just starting and this person is very different then the last one... But i just dont wanna do that mistake again and rush things..

[Mayita]

I live in the Dominican Republic in a very touristic area, in hotels. He lives in the city which is one hour away and has transportation back and forth. We do the same job and at that time, we were in the same hotels working. But we get moved to different hotels often...