What should I do?

**hope555** · 13-05-11, 08:52 AM

My ex and I broke up 6 months ago. After about 3 months of no contact intiated by me we started talking again. He has a new gf now whose quite a bit younger than us. I realize now that he can't give me the type of relationship I want. But I'm still very attracted to him and he was my first love. We were bbming today about our future careers after we're done school...we've been talking about that a lot recently over bbm. Then he said "we should meet up and catch up..or no?". I said "umm...I don't mind, but I don't want your gf to be mad...I hope you two work out". And he said "shutup you weirdo". Then I said "anyway, its upto you, I have to get back to work", and he said "What are you working on?". I told him, and he said good luck and we stopped talking.

Anyway, is it a bad idea to meet up with an ex if you're still attracted to them, but don't want them in any other way? Was I stupid for saying "I hope your gf doesn't get mad??" I think he just wanted to meet as friends, and he found it really weird i brought up his gf. I feel so stupid now for saying that!!! I think he has zero feelings for me, and just wants to catch up to talk about future career options. We dated for like 10 months, but I somehow feel he never had THAT strong of feelings for me. And here I was saying, your gf might get mad if we meet....assuming that any of those 10 months meant anything to him. I feel like in his head, we never really even dated.

What is going on here and what should I do??

**DarkHelmet82** · 13-05-11, 08:56 AM

thats tough.. maybe he wants to get back with you.. but i wouldnt sleep with him and i wouuld just meet him THIS ONCE>

**hope555** · 13-05-11, 09:10 AM

He def doesn't want to get back..then he wouldn't break up with me. My gut tells me he appreciates me as a very good friend, and misses that. Is that possible? He's just trying to use me as company who is in the same point in their life as him, and he has someone to talk to about that. Someone who he's comfortable with, and someone whose really sweet. Should I stop talking to him as such a sweet, understanding friend?

**DarkHelmet82** · 13-05-11, 09:16 AM

sometimes people regret their decisions... just because he broke up doesnt mean he doesnt regret him... CAN you be friends with him? if not then DONT meet up with him

**wolfie91** · 13-05-11, 09:36 AM

I think you made a good call bringing up the girlfriend. When in doubt, it's usually appropriate to double check the boundaries.

Otherwise, I think if you are comfortable with it, and you trust him not to try anything, you might meet with him. It depends on whether or not (as DarkHelmet said) you feel that you CAN be friends.

**hope555** · 13-05-11, 09:32 PM

Thanks for the replies guys!! I talked to a girlfriend last night and came to the following conclusion. I honestly think my ex respects me and values my opinions a lot. He still cares about me as a friend. Logically he knows we didn't make each other happy as a couple, but he still likes me as a friend. Its easy for him though because he's much less emotional than me, I wasn't his first gf, and he's already dating someone else. I on the other hand am emotional, had him as my first bf, and haven't dated anyone for ages now since we broke up..cuz I can't find anyone I like. The funny thing is, I do miss him a tiny bit...but if I was dating someone I really liked right now (like I think he's doing), I would never ever want to stay friends with him. I guess he appreciates me as a friend more than I appreciate him. Is it possible for an ex to want to stay friends with you after 6 months past breakup even if they're dating a new girl they really like? I appreciate his effort at trying to stay friends, but why??

Anyway, as much as I want to see him, I know it'll be hard to sit next to him and not fall back into the bf/gf routine..I naturally flirt always...and he'll def bring it out in me. It'll be heartbreaking to keep remembering that maybe him and his new gf are much more serious than we were and maybe he treats her like a princess when he treated me like garbage. I think I'll just stay bbm friends with him until I start dating someone else I really like...and then see if I even want to stay friends with him....prob won't.

Any insight you guys have on this situation would help. Have you ever wanted to meet up as friends to catch up with an ex 6 months after a breakup when you're happily dating someone else?? Why would anyone want to do that?

**DarkHelmet82** · 13-05-11, 09:36 PM

cut all ties.. use No contact for a while. He may change his mind, he may not. But you cant be friends with someone you have feelings for

**Dune** · 13-05-11, 10:09 PM

I don't know how people do it, but for me, I'm wired in such a way that I can never be friends with someone that I have feelings for. It's an all or nothing kind of situation. So obviously if it ended for me and an ex, I'd stop talking to them altogether. This is bcoz I know myself and I'll end up falling for that person all over again.

Did I deviate from the question? Sorry I couldn't resist after reading what DHelmet said..

**oneandonly** · 14-05-11, 12:00 AM

If he didn't want me as his gf, he can't have me as his friend either. For me, there is nothing simpler than this.

**hope555** · 14-05-11, 12:45 AM

Originally Posted by oneandonly

If he didn't want me as his gf, he can't have me as his friend either. For me, there is nothing simpler than this.

Is this still as simple if you BOTH logically know you made a terrible couple and would be happier alone or with somebody else? What if you still have that respect and care for each other .. And wanted to be there for each other as friends? Why do ppl do this? I guess everyone on here is saying its not a good idea!

**Dune** · 14-05-11, 01:10 AM

Hmm.. Let me think.

To be honest with you, me and my ex.. We don't make a great couple (according to her), but if we were to drop it to the friends level, heck, we'd be best of friends. But I realise that the BIGGEST hindrance to achieving this is the unpredictability of emotion. If we keep up the best friend thing, I'm telling ya, we'd be making out one moment, then telling each other to stop next, then talking and laughing next, then getting carried away and start making out again, then we'd say it's not a good idea, and both agree on that, only to 'overlook' it a few days later.

It's an emotional rollercoaster for me, one which I'd save myself from the psychological trauma and emotional drama.

Humans can think logic, but we are MOST of the time emotional creatures.

If you're as strong as to be able to keep things as friends (and him as well), then why not? Everybody's different.

Thread: What should I do?

Thread Tools

What should I do?

Posting Permissions