What is she doing?

[FixBrokeWindmil]

Hi,
I am 48, divorced, and broke up with my GF of 7 yrs., 9 mo. ago. I messed up this relationship, was in a failed business venture and put too much pressure on her. After 8 mo. of letting anger control me, I approached her and asked her if we could start talking about mending things. She said that that there is no one else serious, but that she is doing great and is not ready for a change. She has done all the things to get over a relationship but the pain, anger, unrest is all there. I can see that she loves me more than what life is offering to her now.
She is in a relationship that is far deeper than what she admits to me. Here's what is strange, when we have good talks, she says that the other man is not close he is not me, he doesn't have the personality, he is just good to her. When we fight she states that the other man is perfect and when she told me that he is not, she didn't mean it. This goes back and forth.
I decided that she is in a different place now, with a different man. On 3 occassions I have let her know that I am going to take some distance, I can't be friends right now because I am in love with her, that I need to fall out of love with her, get going again and that than I can maybe br friends with her, and sincerely wish well. She went insane all 3 times when I said that and lets me know how available she is. I do nice things for her that she needs done (house repairs, doing her yard, etc) and I know that I am being a puppydog, making her house nice for her BF to enjoy. Before I have not let people play me this way but I love this woman. Reading any comment that you have on this will help me.

[smackie9]

Sorry but she is using you....even thought there maybe emotional attachment she is not in love with you or she wouldn't be with this other guy......you are only fooling yourself.

[Pl4y3r]

I also wont to kick you in the nuts
Why didn't you ask for help earlier?
There are ways to control anger you know...

ok for the actual advice

You have two options

1. You became a bastard over time, you changed so much while you ware with her, it is strange how we can sometimes be different towards the one that we love.
You must change, ask your self what you ware like when she fall in love with you, you ware that man then and you can be again.
You never made up to her for your mistakes, ask her if she is willing to give you a chance to make it up for her, to show her that you have changed, that you are not the man she started to resent over time.
You said that she sometimes tells you that other guy is perfect and sometimes that she is not that special, she is trying to hurt you or make you feel better depending on how you threat her.
Wait for the time that you two are in good mood, and then tell her what I advised you. But you really need to change first! If you are not honest she will notice...
If you ever hit her than she never will forgive you, and you don't even deserve to be happy, and forget my advice.

2. You should let her go, if you can't change or she is not willing to give you second chance, than you will need to move on, let her be happy and find a way for you to do the same.
Whatever that new guy is to her it is better than you ware while you ware controlled by anger. And don't let her use you, it will just hurt more!

[FixBrokeWindmil]

Thanks you 2,

These are some really good replies. I never hit her or in any way was abusive. What happened is that 2 years into our relationship I lost my good job. I decided to start my own business and ran it for 5 years. The business did not take off and during this time she paid 80% of all the bills. The business and finances were havoc on us, I ran myself into the ground. Finally she could not take it anymore and asked me to leave. On the day that she asked me to leave, I had already started a new position and stopped the business. She threw me out when I received my first paycheck. She was just too resentful and had given up on us. We kept contact but I would communicate with her in anger. Recently I re evaluated everything and came to understand that tp her it was not the nuts and bolts of having income or not but rather the emotions. We have been communicating on a whole different level, I have apologized to her, very sincerely, and I am showing her that I am the person whom she was with the first 2 years. She says that it does seem that I am different and serious but she is afraid that once we get back together, I will turn back into the old person because that is her experience with other men. She also says that she dates a number of different men but is not serious with any of them, that she's not ready and doesn't let any man get close. And that she is happy with the place where she is at emotionally for now. This is not true. There is one man who she is intimate with, several times a week, this is the one who, in her words, is not perfect, has no personality, is not me, is boring, and has a belly, but he provides her comfort. Yet, when she is in trouble, he does nothing for her, that is when I am there. She is also not in a happy place. She is involved in some projects that give her a lot of satisfaction and it is exciting stuff, I am proud of her, but I know this woman through and through, and it is clearly visable. She is lonely, in pain, still has all the anger herself, just doesn't express it outwardly, and she is putting up a front for me.