can i get her back?

[tyramhall]

Hi
I am 28 and my girlfriend is 26. I had been with my girlfriend for 3 years of which we have lived together for most of the time. The last 3 years have been brilliant and we have a 17 month old baby girl who I adore.
2 weekends ago I did something that I am so ashamed of that it caused my girlfriend to leave me and move back in with her parents. On the Sunday of said weekend, my girlfriend was doing her university work whilst I was looking after my daughter. At about 3pm my father rang me to see if I fancied going fishing from 6pm until dark. I said I would check with my girlfriend and let him know. She was cool with it as long as I fed her, her tea and got her ready for bed. She doesn’t normally sleep until 6.30pm but my girlfriend said she would look after her for an hour until she fell asleep. I was obviously happy and told my dad the fishing trip was on.
At about 5.30pm my girlfriend tells me she hasn’t done as much work as she had hoped and that she didn’t want me going fishing as she had to carry on working. Whilst I was disappointed I told my dad and he was fine. Me and my girlfriend had an argument about it and weren’t really talking. I know it’s petty.
By 7pm we weren’t still talking so I decided to try and sort it out. She was being dismissive of me and wasn’t too fussed about sorting it out yet like we normally do. With this in mind I grabbed her mobile phone off the table and went back into the lounge knowing full well she would follow. Once in the lounge I gave her, her phone back and asked to sort out the argument. She didn’t speak and proceeded to walk to the door. I was obviously upset at this and in a moment of madness I grabbed her arm and also grabbed her by the throat and directed her to the sofa. I must stress that I never held her hard. I was just trying to shock her into talking and sorting out the argument. As soon as I had done it I realised that I had stepped well over the line and apologised profusely. She cried for a couple of minutes but then we were able to talk things through. I am so ashamed of what I did. I have never shown any form of physical aggression in the 3 years we have been together. I have never been in trouble with the police or anything violent in my whole life. This has never happened in any previous relationships either. Once we had talked, she carried on with her work and a couple of hours later we went to bed like normal. There were signs of her being scared etc… as we cuddled and kissed like normal.
The following morning, I took her to work and 7.30am whilst I looked after our daughter. I decided to make us a special tea and bought flowers etc…to hopefully show her I was so sorry. She was a little quiet during the day but nothing unusual. We arranged for me to pick her up at 4pm like normal. At 6pm she said she had a driving lesson and left the house. 5 mins later somebody knocks at the door at it’s the police with her dad behind. I knew straightaway what was happening and I was arrested for assault. I was devastated. The police confirmed they knew I never held her by the throat tightly as there were no signs of any bruises which are common when gripped hard. I was let out within the hour with a caution. When I arrived back home my girlfriend and child had left.
I couldn’t believe that after a stupid mistake my life was ruined. I tried to contact her to see what was happening without any joy. By Thursday I couldn’t see a way out and started to attempt suicide taking tablets. Luckily my brother rang and I picked up his call. If he had not rang I think I would have carried on. Once my parents found out that night they decided enough was enough and that we would travel to her parents for a chat. My parents went into the house whilst I stayed in the car. The conversation was lead by her dad who basically said that we were over due to what had happened and that he didn’t want us speaking at the minute. He confirmed that she was in bits and was worried that if I spoke to her I would talk her round. Her parents were very angry towards me but once my parents told them about the suicide attempt they quickly mellowed and began to show me some sympathy. They even confirmed that their daughter wasn’t perfect and doesn’t help herself. They left the meeting on friendly terms and said they would be in touch with regards to me seeing my daughter.
The following day her parents rang up asking to see us on Saturday and asked that i would attend as well. They also asked if I would like to have my daughter from Saturday until Tuesday. Of course I said yes. When we arrived we were greeted on friendly terms by her parents. As I walked into the house I looked in the front room and there stood my ex-girlfriend looking out the door crying. I apologised immediately and she said she knew I was sorry. It was a shock to see her because she had not returned any phone calls or emails. Once we sat down in the lounge I could hear Natalie crying in the front room. The meeting got underway and my ex-girlfriend joined. I was a little stunned. She was clearly upset as well as me. I just couldn’t stop crying. I apologised to everybody and the meeting proceeded in a friendly manner. She has agreed to me seeing our daughter 50/50 etc… Apart from that she didn’t really say anything. She would make eye contact sometimes.
We left with my daughter on good terms with her parents. On Saturday evening I sent her a thank you email for letting me see our daughter so soon. I also asked that if she didn’t want to work at it or anything like that to send me a blank reply so that I would know that we were over for good. On Sunday evening she telephones my mum. She asks about our daughter and then politely asks her to tell me to stop emailing her. She also enquires whether I have started to look for work and at the end even says to my mum to look after me. My mum asks is it final between us of which she says yes. My mum then asks her to do a letter to explain so that I can try and move on. After the phone call my mum then just wants to check with her that she will write in the letter that we are over etc… to which her response was ‘oh er yeah, will do’.
On Tuesday when we drop my daughter off her father gives me and envelope. The letter is written on note paper and is approx. 8 lines long. She doesn’t mention that she cant come back because of what happened or that she is frightened or can not trust me etc… she just confirms that things haven’t been right for a while and that its best this way. The majority of the letter is about me being a dad to our daughter and that due to her illness this was now more important than ever. She then finishes off the letter saying that she can’t not speak to me yet and that she hopes we can be friends. I so disappointed with the letter. That has been the last form of communication from her and my last email was sent on Thursday saying that I am sorry etc…
I keep looking back over the last few months to see if there are any signs of us not working and there isn’t. of course we have had arguments etc… but we still had a good sex life. We still kissed and cuddled etc… we basically spent all time together which surely if things weren’t working then these would be the first signs. We had even been trying for a second baby since February but stopped in april as a couple of teaching jobs had been advertised and we felt it best to try and get her a job. We had only just paid off the outstanding balance on the holiday and had agreed that this weekend we would put the deposit down on the wedding. Surely if things hadn’t been right for a while then she wouldn’t want to do them?
I am so ashamed of what I did. I have enrolled in anger management classes that commence this week because it has shocked me to the core.
Do you think there is a chance that she still loves me and misses me or is that it? It would be so much easier if she had said she doesn’t want to try again because of the incident but it wasn’t even mentioned. I am so confused.
As she has gone no contact I have decided to respect that and hopefully soon we will be able to talk. Whether or not she talks about the breakup I am not sure. Do you think that she could forgive me?
Any thoughts or advice would be great.

[Cinnabella]

I couldn't read it all, but to be honest i would be scared too. She will always be worried that it could lead to something further, why did you do that? It wasn't so big deal, and those fighting shouldn't lead to serious actions like you did, you can't be sure if she will forgive or not, maybe she will, maybe she won't. But sounds to me like it would be hard for her to forgive, she already imagined in her head about whether the Beating will be next, i guess. Time will reply, just leave her alone for her to calm down.