Am I in the wrong here? Love or player. Me or her?

[UnrealTairo]

Ok plain and simple, I know... shes always right.
But you know what there comes a point where that does just not apply lol.

Heres the story
I'm recently broken up with a 5 year gf, about a month later this girl I knew a long time ago finds me. Chelsea.
We talk a few times online, meet up for drinks. Hang out for abut 8 hours that night, she purposely had me drive the wrong way home so she could hang out more. Finally get home, I don't ask her in, she pushes the issue. Ok fine, shes very attractive so why not. I don't make any moves, and we both eventually pass out together just kind of cuddling.
Over the course of the next few weeks, we start talking more. At first its once every 2-3 days, to at least once a day. (Never on the phone, we both hate talking on them, just on IM). And as were talking she actually ends up working with me at microsoft.
More time passes, not much, maybe a few weeks. We start hanging out more. A LOT more. But even though I'm sure at some point I've made it known Im looking for something, she still isn't. Of course by now were kissing alot, holding each other alot in bed. Eventually it goes into a Friends with benefits thing with LOTS of sex going on. I keep going out with other women, she keeps going out with other guys.
Over the period of the month I notice shes starting to not go out as much, and is almost always sitting there waiting for me when I get home from being out with my friends. When I'm at work, shes mostly there at home just talking to me waiting for me to IM her. She says shes falling for me, heart skips beats etc at this point. But she refuses to put a label on it. Because we work together now shes also brought up the moving in together thing. And because we can move anywhere with this job, we were talking about going from FL to NC. For real , no joke. Both of us could feeling it happening when we talked about it. Yet we were STILL just fwb yet she clearly has feelings. I have opened up more then I'm posting here, but incase you think I haven't, I have. And when she opened up to me it wasn't just because I did. By the time she told me that I had already put my wall back up against saying things like that to her, but now that she was doing it I didn't know what to do. So I just kissed her most of the time for a response.
I start bringing her lunch on my day off, and she does the same for me. (She started it)
Every night before bed we talk, no matter what we did, who we dated that night etc. End of the day it was always me and her, and sometimes me going to her, sometimes her coming to me.

Finally something happens, I realize I want more. I know in time she would too, in fact the following argument she admitted as much. I start to feel like a late night snack to her for some reason because she can't just come out and tell me, I get upset and start acting bitter a little bit for the first time in months. When I probe her for how she feels, she says I'm being dis-respectful. From here things kick off bad. I have no right to ask her such things and I keep clawing at her subconsious she says.
"Your so close chris, why do you have to bulldoze at the finish line with this"

I feel that at this point, she is asking me to move to NC with her in a big house, and base if off a "CHANCE" that she is going to be with me 100%. Originally we were just going to be roommates, but as I said, she started expressing "some" things. I have too.

End of the story here:
We start fighting, for a long time. At this point we are already pissed off so much I'm pretty sure what I'm saying is the heat of the argument. I will copy and paste the final words.

Her: what do you think you where projecting or looking for
Me: doesn't matter now
Me: "homie"
Her: here we go again
Me: lol
her: why would you do that
Me: you expected a different reaction?
Her: why when you where so close would you try and bulldoze the rest of the way
Me: How can I possibly live with someone that only might have a chance of giving it all
Me: And ya your right it was real (the NC moving convo), because that's exactly why this conversation happened
Me: And I'm selfish?
Her: well I guess it aint anymore then huh, congrats on just allowing
**At this point she logs out.** And does not come back
I left her some very ill messages after that.
Mostly describing how I was just a guy that gave her good comfort and helped her get a job at MSFT.
And before I stopped cut it with a harsh way of saying goodbye permanently.

I love her, but maybe I'm getting played.
Youd think I would realize if I was, I'm no fool. I have a fair share of women that would love the chance, I'm attractive I suppose, great in bed (what I hear anyway, I always think I could do better though), and have a decent job. It's not like I'm some lazy unhealthy tard that could easily get played you know.
But for some reason I just need some opinions here.
Am I in the wrong for asking that? If not, am I in the wrong for breaking this 100% off?
What about her?
I dont know. She never even bothered to log back in lol.
I feel like I should apologize, but if shes playing games I have no reason to give her that control back. So why would I bother?
It makes me sick to my stomach thinking of waking up the next day and coming home and shes not there to talk to or just do the stupid shit like hold her in bed.
I refuse to chase someone that doesn't want to be with me, and this is why the whole argument started. I deserve better then that, at the same time. i actually love her. It isn't about the "chase".
We have way too much in common, way to many things she has that I look for, and vice versa. Working, no kids, smart, etc.
Everytime we talk about the white picket fence life we make fun of it. But in the end even though I make fun of it with her, I want it. And I KNOW she doesn't.
As she says, I am "****ing her up". In a good way when she says it if you get what I mean.

On a final note to help replies, I'm 29, shes 25.

[confused lisa]

It can be really hard when the two of you want different things in the future of the relationship. If she hasn't responded or contacted you at all since the fight, I would suggest that you let go and try to move on. What I got from your post is that you can see yourself with her long term, but that isn't even on her radar. She probably enjoys being with you and wants to want the things that you do, but she's not ready for it right now. That's why she gets so irritated when you try to talk to her about it. It is not easy to let go or to heal a broken heart, but it sounds to me like you could spend years trying to get her to love you the way that you love her and it very well may never happen. You may try one last attempt at talking to her and let her know that you don't want to let go, but that this is not what you want and see how she responds. If her response is anything other than wanting to work things out, you need to realize that she is not going to give you what you want. Then decide if you'd rather give up what you want for your life, or her?

[John Littlejohn]

She's not playing you. You're playing her.

A "player" is a person who gets into a relationship dishonestly in order to take something that the other person would not otherwise ordinarily give. For instance, a man who gets into a romantic relationship with a woman when he only wants sex with her is a player. So is a man who gets into a sexual relationship with a woman when what he really wants to demand later is love.

You broke the rules of an FWB relationship by (a) getting into one in the first place, hoping to use it as leverage to get her to fall in love with you, and (b) throwing a tantrum when you realized she wasn't falling in love with you. You played her. You promised her a safe environment to express her sexuality, and then you attacked and guilt-tripped her over not loving you. Bait and switch. Player.

You also express, several times, your condescending claim to know her heart better than she does. You're projecting your own emotions onto her and not listening to what she's been actually telling you all this time, and not respecting her *actual* feelings (as opposed to the feelings you wish she had).

Move along.

[UnrealTairo]

I think your right john, I was just trying to let her feel comfortable and didn't realize I was lying about it all. Even though you seem bitter at me about it thanks for being honest. I appreciate it really.
Anyway, she IM'd back today, saying this is not what she wants is for me to go, crying etc the deal. And I told her the truth, I love her but thats why I have ot let her go, I lied about what I wanted and its not fair to her, and its not fair to me to keep fooling myself it would be more then that. And thats it.
Gonna hit up the beach and keep looking. It wasn't easy but it was the right thing to do, right?

But more on to the player deal, another meaning for that is someone who constantly gives out hints there will be more, string you along then continue to give nothing back even when you weren't probing for it in the first place. Take and never give back.
It comes down to a matter of perspective no matter what "one" person says, but thanks for the insight. It did help.

[IncognitoSir]

You're doing the right thing. It doesn't seem like you did this all on purpose though. Seems like you wanted something more but thought you could get by on what she had to offer, hell you did until it was no longer sufficient for you. Go find what you want.