What is his deal? Is he lying?

[backofmymind]

Sorry this might be kinda long but I'm havin a real hard time with something. Ok so me and my ex dated for 2.5 years. I broke it off bc we were fighting all the time and I didn't know what else to do. We didn't talk for about 4 months. All of a sudden we were back in each other's lives. I was still into him...he was definitely not over me either. We talked about all that went wrong in our relationship and he worked on what he had problems with. We have not had any major problems since he worked on things. However, I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship with him bc i felt like if i were to get back together with him, i would need to be sure that I could see us getting married. (he is 27 and ready to settle down) And I was never sure that i could see us being together for sure anymore bc i wasnt as attractive to me as he used to be. i still cant figure out why but i just didnt see him the same. i still thought he was good looking and he could still turn me on but when i saw him i didn't always think he was as attractive to me as i used to feel towards him. anyway, so we would hang out and go out and have lots of fun together and sometimes even mess around. he told me multiple times he wanted to be with me but i always said i just wanted to be friends. i told him i wanted to date other people. i always thought that i would be okay with it if i saw him out with someone else. so earlier this week i find out he's in a relationship with a new girl that he didn't even like until 2 days before they were together. i was heartbroken when he told me. i went to a counselor the next day or so and he said to stop worrying about why hes with her or whatever and start focusing on me. i knew he was right. i tried to do that the best i could. i failed though bc the next night i called him and asked him if he was sleeping with her. he told me no they just kissed and held hands and we ended up talking for like 2 and a half hours. i told him how mad i was about how all these years he always told me i was the only one and he only had eyes for me and if he dated anyone else they would be second to me and he would never feel like anyone could measure up to me blah blah blah. he told me all that was true and still is. he told me that because i told him to stop asking me if i would be with him, he knew that friends was all we would ever be and so when he met this new girl, he gave her a shot bc he was tired of being alone. he told me that he even told her that there were still feelings between him and me (on his side he said) and that she was ok with that! he told me that he told her he loved me and that he still plans on hanging out with me sometimes and being best friends. i told him that wasnt fair to me or her. of course thats what he wants because he isnt the one that is sharing a girl! he gets freakin 2! i tried to explain it to him and he seemed to partly understand but still wanted to be friends anyway. i asked him if he would leave her if i told him i wanted to commit to him and he said in a heartbeat. he was crying a lot of the time we were on the phone. he said he couldnt stand the thought of losing me as a friend. anyway so at the end of this conversation i told him i couldnt hang out and be best friends like we were b4 bc i still had feelings for him and he had feelings for me. i told him if he was goin through something rough that i would be there for him but all the hanging out and all that just wouldnt be the same. he cried and cried until he said he had to let me go bc he couldnt really talk or say much else. so at the end of that conversation i felt like maybe i just needed to get over my attraction issue with him bc i love him in all other regards. so the next day (which is today) i went to the bookstore and found different books about how to be intimate and please ur woman and another book about men. i figured if he knew how to do those little things that are turn ons (more so than just a hot guy) that maybe i could get over that and we could be together. so anyway i did that and then later today i find out he had planned a freaking weekend trip back to her home state!!! and i asked him if he was going out of town to see his family (bc he said he had wanted to) and he said no but FAILED TO MENTION THAT HE WAS GOING ON WEEKEND TRIP WITH HER. and probably is going to meet her whole damn family. anyway....i feel so played and im mad at myself for thinking maybe it could work after he had already committed himself to another girl. i dont know what to do. i love his personality and i can see him being a father to my children as he has great fatherly characteristics, provider, etc. but now i feel things are way different. i feel betrayed but at the same time i feel like if i wanted to be with him this whole time and he kept telling me no no no just friends just friends, i would probably date someone else if they came across my path too. so i dont know where to draw the line and decide what do i even want? i mean if he dumped her right now would i wanna be with him? i dont know and i dont know what i can do to figure these questions out. please help! and for anyone who took the time to read all this and reply i thank you! and if you have any questions about anything please ask so i can clarify...as if i hadnt said enough lol

[Mathias]

Paragraphs, please.

[HeartIsAching]

tl;dr visualize using paragraphs.

[hithere]

Well after reading this whole thing, as hard as it was, he did nothing wrong. He wanted to be with you and you kept shooting him down. You caused this to happen. You said he has 2 girls when in reality he only had 1, the girl he was actually dating. You cannot count yourself because according to you, "you two could only be friends". He did not play you, you played him. He told you what he wanted, you said no so he moved on so if anyone got played it was him. Since you two weren't dating why should he tell you that he was going to his girlfriend's home? What exactly was he lying about? Saying that he loved you? That may be true but you didn't give him a shot so why should he be stuck up on you and unhappy?

Sorry I know my thoughts are jumbled that's just how I work, especially when women get hysterical over something they caused. Now for my advice. If you really want him, and I'm not saying you do because it may just be a "you don't know what you have until it is lost", just tell him you want him. He won't know you do until you say something to him. If he still has those strong feelings you said he had he may just leave his current girlfriend depending on how long they have been together. There really isn't anything you can do besides telling him how you feel unless you do just want to be friends with him. Make sure you have actually thought it out before telling him that you want him, because if you say it and then take back you won't even have him as a friend especially if he did plan to leave his current girlfriend for you.