Trying this on a different forum.
My GF of 7 years broke up with me, asked me to leave. She was in her right to do so, we were under a lot of pressure because of me. We are not 19 anymore, we are 48 and 49. It's been 9 mo. and I took it very hard, and responded innitially with a lot of anger. Really I was angry at myself but expressed it to her, in the beginning the anger response is the easiest one, not productive or helpful, but the easiest. 4-5 weeks ago I decided to go after her, see what can be amended and repaired.
She told me upfront that she was not ready, that she hopes of being together with me again one day but she is not ready. She told me that she is dating some, but nothing serious, she lets noone get close. I told her to please not mind me persuing my girl as so many men are trying now, just want to have a chance like they do. She has been pleased and taken kind to my advances and the things that I have done for her but romantically she stays cold, there are no signs, the spark seems gone. Now I have found out that she is very close and serious with one other man. They are intimate, in short, they are an item. Thus I do what seems to be the respectful thing to do, not interfer, count my losses and take some distance, I tell her that we are friends, eventhough I don't believe in that crap. She is not OK with me staying away, it makes her furious and agry at me and she insists that the other man/men are not special.
I have sent her flowers, a bottle of wine, mowed her yard, fixed her broken window, fixed her broken ceiling fan, have had heart to heart talks with her, light talks with her, gone out with her for drinks (when I was not aware of the other man), support her when she calls me crying with emotional problems (not concerning us). Today she text'd me to have lunch with her, I replied that having lunch together is not such a great idea. Every time I call, e-mail or text, she responds very kindly is there is no romantic inclination. If I am in any way flirtatious, I get no response, it is calculated, she says that she is busy. She gives me hints of what she needs (not outright asking) and I offer my help. I believe that in all the above cases of me offering to do things for her, her reply should have been of thanking me but telling me that she thinks it would be inappropriate to accept my offers, to not want to give me a false impression of her intentions because her heart is now with a different man. I don't think that she is being fair to the man she is dating, to herself and certainly not to me. Am I wrong to have these thoughts? By walking away am I not doing for her what she should have done to me 4 weeks ago, and it hurts like hell but it seems proper. I can see that she still loves me, I can see the pain, the confussion, but her heart is not open to me. Isn't taking distance going to be better for her and me? I think that I know what is going on emotionally with her but it would help to get some female comments. I am still madly in love with her and need to be away for my sanity. I don't think that she deliberately wants to use me, it all emotions, but the facts are that I feel used and I feel like her little puppy dog.
On the flip side, I believe that if she really considers being with me, she should open her heart a little for me, allow us some fun dates, have those conversations with me, stop being intimate with the other fellow for now and see where it goes. If she is just keeping me on the back burner, which, again, I believe she is trapped in emotions, and does not clearly know what she is doing, she should put inteligence over emotions, realize what hurt she is doing to herself and people whom she cares about and do the right thing. I am going to make the choice for her and I am out, nothing hurts more.