She still has feelings for her ex - what do i do?

[doz]

Hi Guys,

I hope some of you can give me your advice.

I met a girl 3 weeks ago and instantly fell in love. She has come out of a 4 year relationship (shes 21) and broke up 6 months ago. Im the first guy she has liked since.

Its weird, but things have moved fast. we have seen each other nearly every day since we met and shes even moved into my spare bedroom a few days ago as shes foreign and it makes financial sense for her. She promises to stay in my bed every so often but not regularly as she needs to wake up at 6 to go english school and hates being tired.

The story is that I took her to venice for this weekend (spontaniously) and she was really excited. However, when i told her i was falling in love with her there, she went quite and told me she still has feelings for her ex but enjoys being with me but I have to wait and see as she is confused and doesnt know what she wants. Also she doesnt understand how i can be falling in love after 3 weeks and says its far to soon for her to commit. She doesnt want to be called my girlfriend yet either but acts that way to me by kissing me and stuff.

We kiss, cuddle and thats about it. She wont have sex with me yet, just tells me shes not ready and that she doesnt know what the futue holds. Also, the reason she left her country to come to the UK for a few months was because she needed to brek away from memories and stuff, but she still emails him and tells him she misses him although she doesnt think they will ever get back as they want different things. She even lets me read her emails and asks me for advice.

I dont know what to do as im now in love, but she simply doenst feel the same way but says she needs time... time that is very hard for me. I have 2 months to make her fall in love before she goes back. she says she will probably go back as she cant stay here on her visa too long and needs to get a career.

Its driving me crazy as she lives with me (which i like) but every time i bring up the subject she simply tells me not now..

HELP !

[Viro]

Doz

The only advice is, if she asks for time give her time, it wont work anyway if you want to force a relationship which she doesn't want at this moment. Dont give up though, but do prepare yourself for the big "NO". Some you win some you loose....

[doz]

Will giving her time maybe work? Should I act like i dont care or use any techniques like given her space and making myself less available so that she wants me more? I do know she likes me alot, just not loves me... at least not yet

[misombra]

hey doz. sorry you're going through all this. the girl is trying to get over a relationship she just ended quite recently. my advice is that if you want her to like you back, you need to give her space and freedom. hard as it may sound the best thing to do is back off. you have her for two months. people aren't forever, you have to enjoy the time you have with them and not dwell so hard on what could be, or what should be or what have you. i totally understand how you feel. the best thing is to be honest with yourself and enjoy the moment.

[Viro]

Giving time will work 90% of the time... The second option you have mentioned is the better one... But what i suggest is ty and find out where her weakness lies for falling for a guy, but play hard to get. As soon as you know what ereas you can work on start doing it, but dont rush it, you need to play your cards safely....

[doz]

Good idea Viro - I am simply going to give her the time without pressurising, and slowly find what she likes in a man and play the game Having her live in my spare room is a massive PLUS, as I get to spend time with her anyway so will see her alot whilst not having to act like an idiot asking when can i see her next

[Viro]

Thats the way to go, just have a positive energy around you, and it will atract her... Maybe once a week or so go to a movie, or do something that she likes... she will slowly but surely fall for you...

[doz]

Well - just to keep you guys informed, the latest was that i went home last night, i ended up being a right idiot as I ended up confronting her. She simply re-iterated that we do have fun and that she DOESNT love her ex although she will always care for him alot. She simply said that she wasent ready to do these type of things with me and that shes not as touchy feely as I am. Can that be the case? A girl who doenst like too many cuddles and stuff? She never hugs me, its always me who does it and sometimes she responds well and sometimes a bit cold. Thats why im so confused...

[uptownboy]

If you want to know how not to ever act...watch adams family values.

Don't ever do anything that could remotely indicate that you worship her. Think about it: If there's a person in the relationship that should act soft and mushy, it's her.

Adopt the, "I kill rabbit, you cook" cave man attitude.

Anytime I'm hung up on a girl, I go out and get a piece somewhere else and I'm good.

Of course, that's my tuff guy attitude, you really do just want to wrap 'em in love and never let go.

[doz]

Its just so hard to not try to hug or kiss or hold her all the time. Im very pysical, so i suppose i will just have to live with it for time being. I just hope im not wasting my time that all.

Any ideas on how to make a girl actually WANT to be hugged and touched more? I also dont want to be cold to her either. Just trying to make her WANT me more...

[blackiesharley]

If you want to know how not to ever act...watch adams family values.

Don't ever do anything that could remotely indicate that you worship her. Think about it: If there's a person in the relationship that should act soft and mushy, it's her.

Adopt the, "I kill rabbit, you cook" cave man attitude.

Anytime I'm hung up on a girl, I go out and get a piece somewhere else and I'm good.

Of course, that's my tuff guy attitude, you really do just want to wrap 'em in love and never let go.

I agree totally. Go out and find yourself a 'reserve.' Make her wonder what you're up to. Game playing? Yes, but sometimes it's necessary. You need a lover, not a room-mate.

It may work out with her, it may not, no one has a crystal ball, but one thing's for sure, you'll find someone who will appreciate you.