does this no contact thing work then?

[isitme?]

i know people can't say a definate yes or no to this thread. i'm going no contact with my ex, he's contacted me twice last week,(after just 2 weeks of being apart) i didn't respond but i havent heard from him since so i can't help but think, well, what if it REALLY is the end? is he likely to contact me again? or am i just going through the normal grieving period when a relationship ends i.e denial, anger, ooooh i miss them (i'm there now!) i feel very vunerable and lonely. I won't contact him, but i keep thinking..........what if he sleeps with someone else then it REALLY would be it, and it would be my fault because i ended it. My head is spinning around with thoughts. I do so miss him, but do recognise i was being controlled by him. I cannot win!!

[DarkHelmet82]

you ended it and are still thinking about him? I can guarantee you he is thinking about you then. that is very interesting.. usually the person who was dumped is the one who is the one grieving... the fact that you didnt respond may make him think its completly over

[Boisdevie]

A relationship breaks up and then some people go for no contact. The reason why many people don't bother contacting their ex is that the relationship ended for a good reason. This whole No Contact thing is just bullshite.

[FixBrokeWindmil]

The no contact principle has two functions. First it is for you, every time you make contact with your ex, you remind yourself of him and in the beginning of the break-up that means you miss him. No contact enables you to thing of him less. That combined with you seeking new activities, spend time with friends, go out regularly and focussing on work or other activities will help you get over your ex. Second, if you really want to get back together and you are communicating with your ex but he isn't tuning in to your pleads for repair and re trying and so forth, no contact can sometimes make him realize how much he misses you and in that create a new chance. That part is not in your control however and it is no different if you have daily contact with him.

[SwampDonkey47]

In my opinion, it's always best not to have contact. Having said that, if you are both waiting for the other one to act you could be letting something go that could be sorted out. I was in the same place as you, and she slept with someone. I never thought I'd get over that but she acted thinking we were apart and life is not always black and white, so I forgave her, but never forgot about it. If you look at most break-up relationship books they all say the same thing - no contact is best. I think you need to do whatever you think is right at the time and don't hang on to principles. It's all very good being determined to maintain your personal standards but what if they are wrong? I think it's getting harder and harder to meet nice people. If you've found someone decent, hang on to them. The feeling of being controlled is often the result of being the follower in a relationship rather than the leader. When in a conflict of opinions, someone has to capitulate and someone has to win, anyone that loses could say they were being controlled.

[DarkHelmet82]

this is interesting... you dont think that if someone wants space no contact is the best resort? If you want to get back with them don't you think that keeping IN contact even limited is not doing what they ask and will drive them away further? I agree with swampdonkey, not every situation is black and white, im struggling with a similar decision.. but Im doing the opposite of what i would NORMALLY do, so no contact for me.... maybe you should try that. (not to troll your thread sorry.)

[Horseyguy]

you ended it and are still thinking about him? I can guarantee you he is thinking about you then. that is very interesting.. usually the person who was dumped is the one who is the one grieving... the fact that you didnt respond may make him think its completly over

I don't know about that.

I ended it but I'm grieving. Sometimes you just have to end it even if you really love the person, doesn't mean just because you ended it you don't feel anything or stop thinking about them

[isitme?]

thanks guys and gals, some very interesting comments. His pattern is usually dump me then no contact for 2 months then i get a text and am sucked back in. This time however was different, he couldn't accept a genuine apology of mine, yet he waited a week before challenging me about it (in between he was lovely to me) then on a day i was low because of personal circumstances, i asked for a hug, he said no, i asked if he loved me he replied with 'i can't tell you today i love you) he then told me when I was going to see him next, he arrived and still had me practically begging. i asked if he trusted me he said no, so i thought........enough. I can't take treading on egg shells anymore. So i said i can't see how our relationship can move forward if you have no trust in me. So i ended it, and said please THIS time, don't contact me. He did twice within the first 2 weeks. All the same kind of text i.e i'm not looking for anyone else, i miss you ......but you have issues etc. I didn't respond to either text. I do love him but felt i'd had enough of always trying to please him. I cocked up, i said sorry (it was a trivial matter, no infidelity etc)and it still wasn't enough. Yet days before he was hugging me telling me he loved me.... he just changed character over night again. I feel i've been beaten down so many times by him emotionally. Yes i dumped him, but i needed to show him that i'm not a push over anymore. That doesn't stop me wanting to be with him, i just recognised the control for once. Did i do right? am i likely to hear from him again? x

[DarkHelmet82]

you may.. but seems like youve made up your mind...

[alison123]

I think if he's contacted you twice since you broke up you need to contact him back. You did the no contact thing and it worked he
got in touch but you ignored him. the no contact thing in fact does work wonders for some reason. I never believed it till
I tired it and got the results I wanted. don't let fear of rejection or making yourself look weak be the reason to not be back
in touch. In matters of the heart it's best to be honest.

x

[DarkHelmet82]

i dont thiink she wants too... allison what did it help you acheive? reconcilation, closure?

[kamazaki]

i think its started to work on me, its very painful thou the feeling urges to call and text her so bad but have to force not to arghhh

[lifemess]

I dont know if it works.. I did it for about a over a week for the longest, but before that we had contact every day and i kept begging and pleading. (We've had been broken up for almost two months.. )
But, after a week with no talking for the second time .. I finally called him and we ended up fighting in the phone, so the next day i asked him if he could please come pick me up at school so that we could talk. We ended up spending almost the whole day together, flirting like ever, and adventually he kissed me and told me that me missed me and that he loved me. This is a month ago, and we've been trying to work things out since then, and we both are hoping that we'll get back together, he's just not ready yet.

So, i dont know the answer. It works for some people, but i think that if i didn't contact him, i would never be at this place i am with him right now.. But i will strongly advice you to ask yourself if this is what you really want, cause i have to tell you, even though me and my ex are hanging out as a couple - we still aint, and it's really really hard that he doesn't want to get back together just yet. You are putting your heart out there, remember that.
But sometimes life gets us so caught up with negatives, that we keep obsessing with everything that could go wrong, instead of what could go right....
Good luck to you!

[lifemess]

OH, forget this other post. I'm an idiot! Didn't see that it was you who did the dumping, then i can't relate... Only by the point that all i wanted when my boyfriend broke up with me, was for him to call or text me that he missed me and wanted me back..

[confusius]

I begged and pleaded for a long period of time. She would always pick up my calls. At the beginning of the break up she would contact me too until I became too clingy. I would go on no contact for couple weeks then she would come knock on my door just to say hey (we lived together). I begged and pleaded too much already; so I think the best thing for me right now it's to go no contact. It will also make me look different from her other exes who still contact her all the time. Last time I called her was to wish her a save trip as she was going back to Thailand where her family currently lives. She said she appreciate it and I told her she could contact me anytime and she said sure. So far I haven't heard from her, and I don't complain because I need this time for myself too. But if she calls I'll pick up and keep it brief. My only problem now it's that she is in a new relationship. So I have no other choice but to move on.