Trying to reconcile, please help

[lifemess]

So me and boyfriend for about 1/6 year broke up about two and a half month ago. In one month now we've been hanging out as we were still together, just not officially - and we are trying to sort things out to see if we should get back together. I want us to get back together more than anything, and he says that he wants the same, it's just that he's scared to jump in to a relationship again, because he doesn't want it to be like it was in the end last time. (We fought alot in the end for stupid things that didn't matter) He says he loves me more than anything, and that he knows we will be together some day, he just doesn't know when he will be ready for a new relationship with me. If it would be tomorrow, in a month, or longer. He really wants to but he's so scared that we'll get back together, and break up again within a week, when he wants us to be together for the rest of our lives.. He told me that he was the worlds happiest guy when he was with me..

I'm really confused by everything, and I keep obsessing with the thought that we might never get back together. At least not for a long while, and i just want us to get back together so i can feel a bit safe about us and our relationship again.
He told me that i have his heart, and that i always will, that he loves me endlessly and he really wants us to get back together some day, just not yet.

What should I do? I know he says that we will be together, but i don't really get how he can say that he wants it more than anything, but still can't atm. I really need some advice.. He's my soulmate, and I think that we both know that somehow, somewhere we'll get back together again. still, i want it to be fast because my life sucks without him, and i miss so much. I'm so afraid and worried that he will back out of the whole thing, or that he just says those things cause he still wants to keep me around or something, that he doesn't consider us getting bck together for a while, and that he get's all the benefits from me. Sex, love, caring etc, but not the real deal. Not the serious commitment part.. I worry that he'll get to comfy in this role with me, that he'll never want me back and that he's just using me. Or that he wont get those feelings that makes a guy want to be with a girl ever, and that all of this would be a big waste and my heart will end up broken again.

I realize that it hasn't been that long, but i thought that if you really love someone you take the risk no matter what..
Yesterday he even started to cry when we talked about this, and said that he really loves me but he just can't at the moment, but he promised that we would get back together. I'm just afraid it would never be...

I need your advice. We are very much in love still... what can i do to make his fear go away, or to make him want a relationship again?

[DarkHelmet82]

ho long is 1/6th a year? two months?

[fighter]

You and I are in a similar situation, well u are now where I was 5 Months ago. My ex broake up with me for some reasons but we were still in love we hanged around but not officially, tho i failed in the end.
I failed because I was to needy, I felt the same urge as you do now. I became desperate, paranoid and clingy just to show her my love and appreciation. The things you want the moast are the once u cant get, thats how life works. In the end she grew tiered of my obsession and inpatience.

Dont do same misstake as I did. I think that you should take it easy, atleast for a while. I know its hard to withdraw ur emotions slightly because hes your soulmate but you have to. He has probabily not yet felt the fear of loosing you. Im not saying you should ignore him but dont go all in with your emotions atleast. Be layed back
Let him come to you and you will see that in the end what ever his reasons were not wanting a commitment he will change his mind. You need to show more independancy then you probabily do now.

Best of luck!

[lifemess]

I ment a year and a half..

[DarkHelmet82]

oh ok.......

[lifemess]

You and I are in a similar situation, well u are now where I was 5 Months ago. My ex broake up with me for some reasons but we were still in love we hanged around but not officially, tho i failed in the end.
I failed because I was to needy, I felt the same urge as you do now. I became desperate, paranoid and clingy just to show her my love and appreciation. The things you want the moast are the once u cant get, thats how life works. In the end she grew tiered of my obsession and inpatience.

Dont do same misstake as I did. I think that you should take it easy, atleast for a while. I know its hard to withdraw ur emotions slightly because hes your soulmate but you have to. He has probabily not yet felt the fear of loosing you. Im not saying you should ignore him but dont go all in with your emotions atleast. Be layed back
Let him come to you and you will see that in the end what ever his reasons were not wanting a commitment he will change his mind. You need to show more independancy then you probabily do now.

Best of luck!

Thank you so much for taking your time to answer. I know you are right, I'll try to take your advice Only problem is that i've already gone far with my emotions, told him everything i feel for him, and how great he is. I just hope i haven't done any permanent damage. And i hope he wont start question me when i suddenly show less of interest..
All though, i do understand where you are coming from .. So i'll try to relax a bit, even though it's hard.

Thanks! This helped.

[lifemess]

yeah no contact will help you settle your emotions and once your emotions are settled then contact him...

Why should i go no contact when we are already talking on a daily basis and trying to get back together?

[DarkHelmet82]

im an idiot ignore me... i posted in wrong thread.. lol

I would just take it easy and dont put any pressure on him... pressure and needyness is the enemy.

[fighter]

I think you will do just fine A good way to "ignore" him is to activate your self, meet up with friends. Get a hobby. Go work out at the gym etc. Do something valid which wont make your withdrawl suspicious and also where he isnt involved. You need to have a life of your own besides him and that attracts alot, trust me.
I think you know what I mean .

[DarkHelmet82]

heres the thing.. every person is different.. I personally LIKED being with my girlfriend every day... but maybe it was because I was needy.. who knows... just take it as it comes.. and what feels natural.

[fighter]

I Agree with you DH, i feel the same way. But the problem here is not wether he wants to hang out with her every day or not rather he doenst want to be official with her but at the same time have all the benefits from it. I think that Lifemess feels insecure and is suffering because technically he is not "hers".
With time this will ****up her mind.

[lifemess]

I Agree with you DH, i feel the same way. But the problem here is not wether he wants to hang out with her every day or not rather he doenst want to be official with her but at the same time have all the benefits from it. I think that Lifemess feels insecure and is suffering because technically he is not "hers".
With time this will ****up her mind.

This is exactly how i feel.. I already feel like it is about to **** up my mind, I'm thinking too much..

[DarkHelmet82]

STOP THINKING!!! man if only I could take my own advice.. lol

[lifemess]

STOP THINKING!!! man if only I could take my own advice.. lol

I know, your mind is your worst enemy!

[fighter]

lol yea thinking to much can have negative effects. Lifemess, what you need to do is stop focusing on why or what the reasons are he doent want a relationship, that will only lead you into negative thinking and you will doubt ur self. Try instead to do the opposite, put all the energy into a hobby or something useful.
My guess is that you feel kind of low at the moment and its not getting any better. Try to find happiness somwhere else which he will notice and he will want more of that. Dont be sad or low when you are around him, never tell him that it bothers for not being official and be happy, atleast pretend at the initially. I think that you will notice quite a difference imitiatelly. All these things im telling you now is where i failed because i didnt do like I thaught at the time. If u atleast try some of these things im sure it will lead to success