Trying to reconcile, please help

[lifemess]

lol yea thinking to much can have negative effects. Lifemess, what you need to do is stop focusing on why or what the reasons are he doent want a relationship, that will only lead you into negative thinking and you will doubt ur self. Try instead to do the opposite, put all the energy into a hobby or something useful.
My guess is that you feel kind of low at the moment and its not getting any better. Try to find happiness somwhere else which he will notice and he will want more of that. Dont be sad or low when you are around him, never tell him that it bothers for not being official and be happy, atleast pretend at the initially. I think that you will notice quite a difference imitiatelly. All these things im telling you now is where i failed because i didnt do like I thaught at the time. If u atleast try some of these things im sure it will lead to success

I worry a lot, cause yesterday we had a discussion about it, and i did show him how much it bothered me and how much i need him. I hope i haven't ruined anything.... I'ts very hard to swallow all the words i want to say when i'm around him, but i'll try. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and leading me the right way!

[fighter]

Well since he is still around i doubt that you have ruined anything, yet. Depends on the circumstances. How he reacts on the things that you say and the way you act. As I said, try to be happy by doing something else, not only for your relationship but for ur self.
In worst case scenario you wont feel as bad if he totally breakes up with you later since you have friends round you and do things that makes you feel good. You need to change your whole mindset. Think like this, you have nothing to lose since you have already lost him, but he does, after all he broake up with you and you are only giving him a second chanse. Think as you are moving forward by doing stuff when you are not together, like a train on a journey, if the train looks good, the chairs are comfortable he will join the ride, but you wont stay on that station for ever.

[DarkHelmet82]

good advice.. "you have nothing to lose."

[lifemess]

Well since he is still around i doubt that you have ruined anything, yet. Depends on the circumstances. How he reacts on the things that you say and the way you act. As I said, try to be happy by doing something else, not only for your relationship but for ur self.
In worst case scenario you wont feel as bad if he totally breakes up with you later since you have friends round you and do things that makes you feel good. You need to change your whole mindset. Think like this, you have nothing to lose since you have already lost him, but he does, after all he broake up with you and you are only giving him a second chanse. Think as you are moving forward by doing stuff when you are not together, like a train on a journey, if the train looks good, the chairs are comfortable he will join the ride, but you wont stay on that station for ever.

Wow, that's wise. You should be my mentor.... haha.
I understand what you mean, but somehow it seems like the most easy thing to do is just sit and wait, wait for the day i'll be happy again with him again. But i guess you can't have happiness unless you try to do something about it. I'll definetly start going for runs again, like i did before. It will create endorphins as well as i'll sort my brain out a bit. I always feel good afterwords.
And yeah, good friends i do have, so that's not a problem. But I guess you can relate to the feeling of waiting and waiting for your ex, and hoping that he/she will call and want to meet up with you soon, or waiting for that text message or call that says he wants to get back together.

He did text me a few hours ago saying he was at work, that he loved me, and that he couldn't write a lot of text messages, and i forgot to reply.. So after an hour, i guess he maybe felt bad? Cause he wrote me again and said:"sorry.. But i think you understand.. anyways i love you. you're the best" I'm hoping that means i haven't ruined anything

[DarkHelmet82]

it sounds like it will work out.. just give him space.. what i mean is dont be so available....last thing you want to do with a confused person is smother them... I am so bad at that too

[lifemess]

Now, i stumbled upon these words, and i've been trying to decide whether or not i should send this to him. I thought it was beautiful..

" I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else.
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself.
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart.
Cause you are the one that makes it all better."

[DarkHelmet82]

thats beautiful! thats a tough one.... wow that is really beautiful..

[lifemess]

arrgh, i knew you would say that..
I'll wait...

[fighter]

Haha, im always good at giving advice to others but suck at doing the things my self. Love truly is blind. Never the less im at least happy if I can help you, i didnt turn to anyone for advice because im a proud person and thats my flaw. Regarding my ex , I think that my train has passed. I did lot of the things that i advised you to do but im affraid it was to late. We still talk, and she has strong feelings for me which she supresses because she is affraid that i will be obsessive again. Which I wont, and she will never find out now i guess. I did the NC thing for 5 days until she contacted me just to see how I am. I mean im not sad or low. I have moved on, im my self again. The cinfident and happy person she fell in love with. And by the conversations on the phone it bothers her, i guess she thaught that i would be in a mess by now but im not I just think that shes the one who lost something good and that she will regret it but it might be to late for her in case she changes her mind. So im just takeing it easy and enjoying life. If she loves me that much, she will call back but i dont have any hopes.

When it comes to hes sms, it looks like he really misses you and loves you. So you dont have to worry. God i miss messages like that, haha!!

[fighter]

arrgh, i knew you would say that..
I'll wait...

Yea wait... that suits better when you are in a relationship

[lifemess]

I always tend to turn to people for advice, cause i've gotten to that point where i've figured out that my brain is constantly working and overthinking. That's why i need someone else to shake me, and get my facts and head straight.
I'm creating this mess and teories all in my head, that's not even true.
About your ex, it sounds like she really likes you. She would never have texted you unless she still has feelings for you. My guess is that she's probably wondering (as you say) why you aint needy anymore, or why you are doing so great.. It's great that you've come to a point where you can act calm, love yourself and enjoy life. Cause that will definetly come back to you as good carma later!! I always say that positive thoughts equals positive outcomes.
That's why always when i think negative, i get scared ... Haha. I wish i could get to the state you are in

He does send a lot of texts like that, that's why i wonder why he doesn't want to get back together with me yet. My guess is that he probably wouldn't have wrote things like that if he wasn't serious about this?

[DarkHelmet82]

hes confused and needs time to figure shit out.. the fact that you are still talking is good.

[Purrzzzzzz]

I Agree with you DH, i feel the same way. But the problem here is not wether he wants to hang out with her every day or not rather he doenst want to be official with her but at the same time have all the benefits from it. I think that Lifemess feels insecure and is suffering because technically he is not "hers".
With time this will ****up her mind.

god this all sounds so familiar.. he was not MINE! and I got paranoid and needy and all those ugly things.. now he doesnt want to even talk to me anymore..dont do that to yourself lifemess.. you will drive him away..

[lifemess]

Ofcourse we are still talking, he told me yesterday that he really wanted us to get back together and sort everything out, and that we would spend the rest of our lives together.

The only problem is, that he's not ready yet.. And he doesn't know when he'll be ready. I asked him yesterday if he could promise me that we'll get back together, in the nearest future. And then he said yes, but i dont know if he ment it, or if he just said it cause he wanted me to shut it.......

It's because he's not ready yet, that i wrote this post in the first place, trying to get tips from you to say whether or not to stay in this or to let it go. But, i guess it's kinda hard to let go when i know the possibility is there and this was what i waited for when we had broken up. Just a chance.... I'm just scared that i'll **** it up and live with the regrets

[Purrzzzzzz]

dont pressure him anymore about it... just stop... you have to.. dont give up, just make it seem as though it is not as important to you now..