Getting rid of pet peeves

[Xcelsior]

Hello all,
I'm here in hopes of finding a little help in getting rid of pet peeves I have with girls. A little about me, my name is Rob, I'm 16, Junior in HS, ranked 2nd in my class in GPA, very mature for my age.

I guess I've developed some pet peeves in a previous relationship that are affecting my current one. Now I trust this girl because I know her well (have for a long while) and know she doesn't do anything disrespectful to me or our relationship.

I really don't know how to put it, but I just get so ticked off at the smallest things. For instance, I get annoyed when someone (not necessarily her) doesn't respond to a text because they are doing something. Now it could be simply 20 minutes or 3 hours. An example is when my girlfriend was driving out to her sister's college which is about a 3 hour trip and I was wondering why she wasn't responding, I had no clue she was driving out there.

Another small example is today, where she didn't want to hang out because she was going shopping (which is another whole peeve in itself, but thats for another time). Now she just tells me that we can't hang out today. Alright whatever, I think to myself...not a problem. An hour or 2 goes by and she has been replying slowly (10-15 mins per reply, usually its 1-2 mins ) so I ask her if she is busy. She says she is at Kohls. This is kind of like a double slap in the face to me. She goes shopping instead, and then just says "i'll talk to you later". Now honestly I don't care but I wish she would have told me beforehand. She is always the one saying we need to hangout and how much she misses me.

Now I just feel kind of down and don't even feel like talking anymore. There is something wrong as something this small shouldn't affect me this much. However, in my previous relationship it got to the point where I had to tell the girl everything. Like be right back, I'm going to get a glass of water (which takes a whole 30 seconds) and it's rubbed off on me, and it SUCKS.

I probably seem very controlling when I explain it but I try not to be, I try to be laid back and let her do whatever she wants. I know it's my problem and I need to take care of it, because it doesn't affect her...she shouldn't have to change what she does if it's my peeve. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to get rid of it, or maybe I'm the only one with this stupid pet peeve.

Thanks in advance!
Rob

[Cerby]

Sounds like insecurity issues. Wanting immediate responses, peeves over nothing. Low self-esteem perhaps?

[Xcelsior]

I really wouldn't think so, but hell I dont know.

I have always held myself at a pretty high esteem. By insecurity do you mean on our relationship or me personally? I'm a pretty secure guy and like I said I know I can trust her...I just wish I could break that habit and not care as much, as much as I hate to say it.

I mean, when she says she will text me later, should I really be sad/mad whatever, or should I just be able to shrug it off and say alright and not give it a second thought? I know she isn't lying and doing other stuff...

[ShellyZ]

Dude, it's a text message, it's not IM. You can't expect people to reply to your texts right away. Do you really expect her to drop everything to answer your text? Think of it as email. You send a message, the person responds when they get a chance. Sometimes I don't respond to texts for several hours because I'm busy doing something else or I just didn't hear my phone beep.

Why is it a slap in the face that your girlfriend was out shopping? If you don't like shopping, that's fine, it's not like she tried to drag you along. But she is allowed to go shopping, isn't she? Or does she have to ask your permission first?

I'm glad you can recognize this as a problem, I just hope you can get a grip on it. It sounds like you know you're being unreasonable, so try to reason with yourself instead of taking it out on your girlfriend.

[Xcelsior]

Dude, it's a text message, it's not IM. You can't expect people to reply to your texts right away. Do you really expect her to drop everything to answer your text? Think of it as email. You send a message, the person responds when they get a chance. Sometimes I don't respond to texts for several hours because I'm busy doing something else or I just didn't hear my phone beep.

Why is it a slap in the face that your girlfriend was out shopping? If you don't like shopping, that's fine, it's not like she tried to drag you along. But she is allowed to go shopping, isn't she? Or does she have to ask your permission first?

I'm glad you can recognize this as a problem, I just hope you can get a grip on it. It sounds like you know you're being unreasonable, so try to reason with yourself instead of taking it out on your girlfriend.

I know this, but the question is how...it always bothers me even when I try to let it not to. I suppose I just have to keep trying until it finally breaks.

[doppelgaenger]

Dude, you're 16, and she's what, like your first girlfriend or something. You don't need to act like an angry wife waiting for her husband to come home from the bars. You need to start having a carefree attitude about relationships, and learn to enjoy your time without her. You can't be always wondering where she is or what she is doing - that sounds miserable, doesn't it?

[MerryH]

You have too much time on your hands if you're bothered that she doesn't respond right away. Occupy yourself with something that takes your mind off of counting the minutes until she texts you back. And keep telling yourself that these controlling, needy, unattractive habits of yours are unhealthy and will ruin your relationship if you don't cut it out.

[hello1]

You really need to change the way you think now. Do you really want be that controlling guy? I mean really! I understand cause I get annoyed if my boyfriend does not text me back if I know he not at work etc but you need calm down. Insecurity is a deal breaker in a lot of relationships as you drive the other person away and then you look the crazy one!

[FwedFwintstone]

If she's doing nothing, and she is the type to take her phone with her everywhere and text everyone back, then is the time to worry. But when she's busy, or she's an infrequent texter, then it's not a problem. Instead of pre-occypying yourself with something else, ask how you would react if it was one of your closest friends. Does he tell you where he's going all the time? Probably not. You'll hopefully realise you're being far too controlling.

[Xcelsior]

Thank you guys. Definitely some helpful stuff that has made me think. I'm kind of thinking when it comes to this, think of her as just a friend (like above) and I think that will help a lot.