How to Stop this Ex from Harassing Me?

[cello]

Hi guys,

You all helped me before and made a big difference in my relationship. Thanks a lot for it. But currently, I am going through another problem and this has basically taken away my sleep. 3years ago, I dated a guy just for 2 months. We weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend because he wanted us to be “friends” first. Yet we were quite intimate with each other. But soon he left me for another woman. I was heartbroken, but was determined to move on. After some months I ended up meeting my boyfriend and we are very happy with each other now. But this ex guy kept giving me private calls here and there. He would listen to my voice and then just cut the line off. Last January, he started doing it all the more which made me feel suffocated. I found my phone vibrating violently, but never answered.

At one point, I ended up writing a mean email to him where I told him to not annoy me because I no more had any feelings for him. He replied saying that he never called me, but would love to stay as my friend. He made his email sound sad by mentioning that he was struggling financially and that he was not in CA (where I live and met him), but in NY living with his girlfriend. I felt embarrassed and so wrote an apology email to him. On seeing this, he asked me a few questions about the economic crisis of California. I for a second thought he was just being neutral and so I replied to him with a criticism about California's politics. In his next email, he asked me about my relationship with my new guy and I replied that I was extremely happy with him.

But then his next email turned out to be a bit too intimate for which I frowned and blocked him. Yet another of his email reached my inbox, but from a different email address. He asked me in it why I did not send him a reply. I blocked this one also. 3 weeks it was all quiet. But then suddenly I got another one from another different address. I just gave up and chose to still stay quiet. I thought my silence would drive him away. However, I was wrong. I again started getting private calls. And two days ago, I received a text message from him which went something like “hey hunny how are you?” Within two min another came where he regarded me as a babe. I was furious at him, yet kept quiet. I was scared that if I reacted he would get a chance to get bolder. Even my boyfriend thought so. But yesterday, I got another text msg from my own area code and it was written in a way so I reacted and sent a reply. It went something like ‘wat yaw doin?? Dis is Kay”. I feel extremely drained by all this. I hate to be chased.

This ex knows very well that I will never break up with my boyfriend. But as you can see, he doesn’t take it seriously. Two years ago, I did tell him upfront not to annoy me. It never worked. What can I do to get rid of him? My boyfriend told me to change my number, but I am subscribed to T-Mobile which is already bought by AT&T. So in a few months, I am dropping it anyways. But I just don't think he will stop harassing me through emails. He has 3 of my email addresses.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just ignore all contact. Can't do too much more than that.

[Horseyguy]

Hand his emails to the police and ask if they will go and have a quiet word with him

Maybe make him aware of the anti-stalking laws

[VincenzoG91]

Adjust the junk mail filters on your email accounts to treat his emails as junk. Because they are junk.

[cello]

Thats what I have been doing. But I guess the cops are my last option.

[DarkHelmet82]

i dont think the cops will do much.. they may go over and scare him... how do you know he was the one calling?

[lorrainecook201]

I think the best thing is to end the relationship properly so that things would not get it's worse.

[cello]

@DarkHelmet82
I don't have enmity with anyone. Have been in good term with all my friends. And 3 years ago, when I was dating the guy I noticed that he was a little too much odd. In a funny way, these days, the unknown calls come at midnight, but in the morning I get one liners from him through email. That proves its him. There you go, just now another one came:12:40AM

@lorrainecook201
I dont have any relationship with him. I dont want him in my life. But do you mean to say that he needs a closure?

[MerryH]

But do you mean to say that he needs a closure?

No, he doesn't need closure, and you don't owe that to him anyway. I don't think that's what is going on here. A normal, mentally stable person wouldn't need closure from someone they casually dated then dumped years ago. This guy is clearly a little crazy, and he seems fixated on you. If he's not crazy, then he's extremely manipulative and overbearing and weird. You can probably count on the fact that he's going to keep contacting you.

If I were you, I would send one final email to him that clearly states that you do not want him to contact you anymore. Keep it short - "Stop contacting me. This goes for all my email accounts, phone number, etc. I'm serious. Stop now." It's kind of a conundrum, though, because that's why he's doing this. He wants acknowledgment from you, and any tiny bit (real or imagined) he can get from you will keep him going for days/weeks/years. So it sucks to give him any sort of attention, but at least then you have proof that you've clearly stated that you've asked him to go away. And then never ever engage him again. Don't delete any of his or your emails. You might need them later.

Change your phone number and email addresses. It's a huge pain in the ass, but it's not that hard to do, and if it means you won't have to deal with his craziness anymore, then it's worth it.

[doppelgaenger]

Change your fücking email address. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

[HeartIsAching]

Contact the police. Most civilized countries have stalking laws now.

[doppelgaenger]

That's unnecessary. Police have more important issues to take care of than something that can be resolved with a simple change of address.

[MerryH]

That's unnecessary.

Not really. I think it could be helpful to have some of his harassment documented. Going to the police is an option to consider.