Confused

[amyd_2180]

Hi, So I need so help trying to figure out what, if anything I have going on with this guy. We have been friends with benefits for almost 3 years now. He is a couple years younger than I am and still is in that party mode. His friends really like me and my friends like him but lately they have been asking both of us when we are going to finally be together. I really like him and would like to be with him but he always changes the subject right away. His friends all say it's because he has self esteem problems due to his family life and that's the reason he drinks and has the "I don't care attitude." We usually only see each other after we have been drinking but sometimes he will text me out of the blue just to talk while he's sober. He has met my son 2 times and he's been really cool with him...not freaked out or anything. One night I was drunk and asked him when we are ever going to be anything more or if we are ever going to be anything more...well he was with all his friends and he was sober. All he said was maybe but now is not the time or the place to talk about it...which I agree was wrong. I apologized the next day and asked him if I freaked him out and he said no I didn't. I've only talked to him a couple times since then (about a week ago). I have been talking to one of his friends almost everyday and he keeps telling me that he will open up to me eventually he is just scared and not to give up. Do I keep waiting for him to see if he wants anything more?

[Bonfire]

Sounds to me he is getting what he wants so why would he want anything more?

[Reset]

How about trying to talk to him, while sober, and not allowing him to change the subject. If he refuses to talk about it, he probably isn't interested.

But it sounds to me like he only wants a hookup, only hooking up drunk, you've been with him for 3 years and he's only seen your son twice, and being distant after questioning status. Not good signs. I suggest being upfront, tell him exactly what you want, if he doesn't want the same thing then move on. Cutting contact with him might be the only way to make him realize what he had...

[ShellyZ]

It's been 3 years. If he wanted more, he would have tried to get it by now. He's avoiding the topic because you want more than he's willing to give. If you want a relationship, friends with benefits is not the way to go. Like the others said, he's getting what he wants now, so why would he want to change it?

[amyd_2180]

Thanks everyone....I kinda am thinking along the same lines as all of you do. The reason why he has only met my son twice is because of me, I've never offered and have always tried to cover it up. From time to time he and I have talked about my son and he has seemed interested. I texted him tonight asking if he was going to be out and he said he was just eating and had no plans but has to work in the morning. I was out of town when he texted and wouldn't be home until around 11 tonight...I texted him when I got home and haven't heard back...one of two things he is sleeping because he works early or he's avoiding me. If I don't hear back by sometime tomorrow then I am giving up!! I'm not gonna just give him what he wants anymore...at least not until he can give me more and commit.

I appreciate all of your responses...thanks!

[Reset]

Good luck with everything amyd. You probably already know this but you should never be worried about what people may think about your son, anybody that you date will find out sooner or later, and if it ever got serious your son would become a part of their life too. You want a man who will accept that, a man who isn't scared of it ... we do exist I promise.

Remember a strong confident mother can command attention and be very sexy!!! Hope it works out for the best!

[YourRapport]

Sound like this guy is thinking why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free for lack of better word " having his cake and eating it too" so to speak. Guys stick together, sounds like the friend is giving you just enough extra fluff to keep you hanging on. You shouldn't have to keep trying to talk someone into being with you. With all do respect your the one with low self esteem. When a guy wants to be with you you'll know it. My advice is for you to wait and meet a guy who has the same agenda as you.

Something is fishy about the friend. You guys shouldn't be talking everyday.