I lost the girl of my dreams

[hellhound]

I'm going through a rough time right now. Let me explain my story...

Beginning notes: I am 20 and my ex is 19. I'd never been in any sort of relationship before.

On the 10th of this month, my girlfriend of two days shy of 14 months broke up with me. We began dating on March 12th 2010. That was so far the greatest day of my life. She was my first girlfriend; also, my first love. We were the happiest two people alive. It took three months for us to begin dating, but we started talking VERY often starting that January; we slowly grew closer. I'm not a big believer in love at first sight, but this was an exception case. On March 12th 2010 she came over to my house (we had begun going on many Starbucks "dates" by this time) and I sort of knew (or rather, really hoped I knew) the reason she was coming over. And I was right. She got here and we were sitting outside drinking our lattes, but it was sort of chilly so we went back inside and were standing around the kitchen table having the biggest smiles on our faces. After a few minutes of smiling silence, she spoke. She said "I like you" and came over and gave me what was the buggest hug ever at the time. We went upstairs just to talk and she kissed me. NOTE: I had never kissed anyone before so this was the greatest thing ever. 'nuf said about the first day.

Over the course of our relationship we grew closer. After about two or three months I told her on the phone "I love you" and she said "I love you too" back (second greatest day of my life!). As previously said, we grew closer and closer. I knew everything about her and she knew everything about me. She was the first girl I ever did anything sexual with (I won't go in to too much detail!). So time flew by. Her parents and family loved me, and my parents and family loved her. Roughly 7 or 8 months in to the relationship we were just messing around at my house and she laid down on my bed and said she was ready, and that I am the one (she was a virgin, so was I). So that began our intimate part of the relationship..we didn't do it too often but not not enough (like ~three times a month maybe give or take). It was the greatest thing ever honestly. I loved this girl with all my heart. We talked about the future, getting married, having kids, going all 4 years in college together and then getting married, etc. Everything was good...she loved to talk about these things. And so did I.

Sidenote: each month I took her on a date to a different restaurant than the previous month. I also loved buying her gifts- jewelry, sometimes we would be in the mall and she would like some clothing item and I would tell her I would buy it for her. She didn't depend on me to buy things..and she didn't want me to buy things for her, but it was one of those things where it would make myself feel better if I could get her things sometimes.

Moving ahead to the night of Saturday May 7th... Out of the blue she said that we need to talk. So we went to a quiet place to talk and talked. She told me that I hadn't been respecting her being an individual and always wanted to hang out and be with her. That wasn't necessairly true. I work evenings almost every other day of the week..yes I did want to see her often. What loving and caring person wouldn't want to see the person they loved and cared about tremendously. She told me that she was losing feelings for me too. That really hurt and put a massive emotional toll on me. I didn't know what to do or say really to make the situation better. I told her that I would try, but she needed to give me more time to work at it. We talked for about two hours. The end result I thought was that she would give me at least a few weeks.

Sunday May 8th..I went over to her house to hang out. I helped her clean her room and we watched a movie. She told me how much she "****ing loves me" yada yada. I had no intention of doing anything sexual that night but we ended up having sex, and she told me more how much she loves me.

Monday May 9th at school..things were fine the first half. Very fine. After the first half I could sense that something had come over her. (We created this non-spoken system of making sure that the other is not angry/upset/sad/etc; as an example, we could be holding hands, and I would lightly squeeze her hand twice. If she squeezed my hand back once, something was wrong. If twice, things were fine. If three times, that usually meant "I love you".) Well, after half the day was over, she would only squeeze once and sometimes twice. Inconsistency? Something is wrong...shit it must have something to do with Saturday. I was right. She pretty much told me that she was "done" and I basically said that if she wants to break up she can do it in person.

Tuesday May 10th after school..we meet at a nearby park. She says the same things..I ask her for more time and she says she is "done". She said I was the greatest boyfriend ever. She said she still loved me, she just wasn't "in love" with me anymore. And that was pretty much it, and it was a done deal.

I'm still left here wondering, what the **** happened. A month ago we were perfect, now..nothing.

Sidenote: our relationship was virtually perfect. We didn't ever have a single fight. We had minor disagreements..about maybe 10 altogether..but no fights. We always went to sleep with a smile on our faces.

It's been almost three weeks. I'm depressed. I feel like I lost part of who I have become over the past year and half..and I did. I've got a broken heart. I can't sleep. I can barely eat. I've lost almost 20 pounds. I really don't have a desire to do anything anymore...

I tried to reach out to her about three times; each time resulting in tears and the depression temporarily worsens.

Last night I tried to reach out to her again at the after party at school. I pretty much just asked her why she wouldn't even give me an opportunity to let her fall back in love with me. I told her I was crazy in love with her and would do anything for her. All she could say was that the love isn't reciprocating. I told I just don't understand why it has to be like this and she ran away crying. With the exception of this exgf/relationship shit, I had a decent night I guess which was good. After that she wouldn't look at me for most of the night. At the end ceremony she was a few feet away and I would look out of the corner of my eye and catch her looking at me. I texted her and said "I accept our breakup. Maybe it was for the best. I'd hate to lose you as a friend. Have a great rest of the night." She said "Thank you" and I responded with "You're welcome. I truly thank you from every aspect of my heart, the amazing time we shared together. I wouldn't trade it for a single thing. One last thing. I want to apologize. For being too clingy. Love does crazy things. I apologize for not allowing you the time you needed alone. I truly do. If I could take back that flaw I would in a heartbeat. I would sacrifice myself for you." Not sure why I put the last sentence in there but I did..oh well.

No matter how mean she has been to me over the past few weeks, I still deeply care about and love this girl. I love her with every single aspect of my entire heart and soul. To me she is the most beautiful girl that walks the face of the earth. I understand that we are young and there is a lot of life left to live, but age can't be the determining factor in true love. Neither can a location. After I met this girl and went through the things we went through, I came to the conclusion that all I want in life is to be with her and have a family together; I want nothing more from life than that.

I just don't know what to do. I lost her. I’m lost without her. And it was my unintentional fault that has wreaked havoc on my current, and future. Right now I want nothing more in life than to have another chance with her. Aside from her recent attitude towards me, she is amazing. We were perfect. And we both knew it and talked about how perfect we are. I want to marry this girl. I haven't even been able to remotely think about other girls because I would feel like I was cheating on her and I would feel guilty. It's sad. I've cried every day ever since.

Any and all opinions and responses are truly appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to read this

[Boisdevie]

And having read your post (yawn) your question is what exactly? You both were so in love except she wasn't in love with you like you were in love with her. Well, it happens so deal with it.

Oh yes it was so perfect blah blah blah blah then she left me.....
Yeah, such a perfect relationship - my arse

[hellhound]

But she was in love with me. I know by the way we looked at each other and the way we smiled around each other. The only flaw in our relationship was breaking up.

My questions is, what do I need to do to get her back in my life and ultimately back in my arms.

I understand that I can live and survive without her. But do I want to? No.

[smackie9]

Relationship come and go....don't be fooled by talk of marriage, etc....those are not promises it's just talk because of their feelings for you are running high. After about a year things die down and get stale, then it's time to move on. This will happen over and over til you are ready to spend the rest of your life with someone. You are best to enjoy your youth experienceing different relationships so you won't feel you have missed out. The hurt will pass, she will be a distant memory and you will meet someone new to experience....that is how life works.

[smackie9]

You cannot rewrite your relationship....she is no longer in love with you.......just because you are still in love doesn't mean she has to feel the same way....thems the breaks dude.

[smackie9]

And yes you can survive without her...there is life after love.

[drfyco]

Don't be sad friend.. I know U love her.. Show ur strength.. She will beback to u..

[hellhound]

I understand that I can survive without her. I know that she does not HAVE to love me back. I also understand that relationships come and go.

I really don't care about experiencing other relationships. She is the only girl that I want to have one with.

You may not understand this, but this girl really does mean a lot to me. I would take a bullet for her in an instant.

[Nicholas_V]

About 8 years ago I went through a breakup with a girl that I thought was perfect for me. The reasons were different, but the emotions that you are going through were pretty much the same (they always are). Guess what: a year later I met someone who made me realise that this ex was never right for me. Most likely the same will happen to you. Some relationships last and some don't, and there is nothing we can do about it. But at your age, you need to have your share of heartbreak before you find your true love.

It's over and in time you will realise that it wasn't THAT good afterall (even if it doesn't feel this way right now). Spend time with your friends, get yourself busy with activities, meet new people.

You will be fine.

[steviej]

And having read your post (yawn) your question is what exactly? You both were so in love except she wasn't in love with you like you were in love with her. Well, it happens so deal with it.

Oh yes it was so perfect blah blah blah blah then she left me.....
Yeah, such a perfect relationship - my arse

The poor guy is heartbroken, bit of sympathy surely! That's pretty harsh.

Op, we've all been there, it is absolutely crushing but it WILL get easier. You have accepted its over, so now you have to stop wallowing in the past and look forwards, because nothing will change if all you think about is her and how great you believe it was.
This is where your friends come in, other interests, going out, having fun and not caring about anyone else but you!

It doesn't feel like it now, but you will meet someone else and feel that kind of hapiness again. But don't rush it, enjoy all the things being single brings!

[Purrzzzzzz]

And having read your post (yawn) your question is what exactly? You both were so in love except she wasn't in love with you like you were in love with her. Well, it happens so deal with it.

Oh yes it was so perfect blah blah blah blah then she left me.....
Yeah, such a perfect relationship - my arse

why bother to say anything? in case you havent noticed, it helps ever so slightly to pour out your heart and have people hear it..
I hear ya hellbound.. and I know the pain you are in..

[DarkHelmet82]

why bother to say anything? in case you havent noticed, it helps ever so slightly to pour out your heart and have people hear it..
I hear ya hellbound.. and I know the pain you are in..

I agree.. why be mean about it?

[Purrzzzzzz]

why bother to say anything? in case you havent noticed, it helps ever so slightly to pour out your heart and have people hear it..
I hear ya hellbound.. and I know the pain you are in..

OMG! hellHOUND!! just noticed that.. sorry..

[hellhound]

Do you guys have any tips on what I can do in this situation? I've been reading up on ebooks on how to "win love back" and they pretty much all say the same thing. Wait about a period of a month possibly longer, then give her a call and see if she will have a get together. Don't talk about the relationship unless she brings it. Be nice and don't act depressed or like you require her to live your life. Try an attempt the "instant reconnect technique" where you act like she has something in her hair/on her face/shirt and wipe it off ("This works extremely well because ONLY people that are in some kind of “loving relationship” do that for each other. So you are signaling to their subconscious mind that you are still in a loving relationship." quote from ebook).

I truly miss her and it is hard not talking to her. I'm trying to do it, but I wish to eventually wean her back in to my life. Initially as friends...possibly more. I know she still has a soft spot for me.

I know there are plenty of other "fish in the sea", but her and I had a connection. Not everyone is the same...we were happy together. We have no regrets.

[smackie9]

Sorry but your chances are slim.....I had exes try to win me back, but I broke up with them for a reason.....I didn't want to be with them anymore.