Can a Leopard Change His Spots?

[Confusedmess]

So my friend is "seeing" this guy who is 27 years old. She's 33. Still lives at home. He's been to college, but quit three times. He has a job, but it is just to get by. He's stated he hates getting up early and hates working late (he works the 3-12 shift). He says he is lazy and lacks ambition. He's never had a serious relationship and any relationship he has had has only lasted a few months.

So my question is, she lives about 2 hours away from him and she is convinced he is going to continue to make the trek for her and he is going to change and date her. Right now he comes over after work (2:00 a.m.) and might stay the weekend, but there is no real whining and dining going on. In addition, he still texts other girls. He feels he should be able to talk to them, yet he doesn't tell the other girls he's dating someone. He says he's "seeing" someone, but still wants the other girls to talk to.

Can a leopard change his spots? Should she get her hopes up that he is going to change for her at his age?

[jb1111983]

No, a leopard can't.

I doubt this guy is as serious about your friend as she is about him. He doesn't want the world to know he's dating her, shows interest in other women. That says a lot.

[Boisdevie]

Your friend must be really desperate. If I was her I would tell him to eff off.

[surfhb]

2 sides to every story but he sounds like real winner who will never change

[bulrush]

No, I doubt this guy will ever change. Most people don't at his age. As for the girl, she seems awfully naive for being 33 years old. This guy has a certain low level of expectations for himself, and that is what he is comfortable with. Most people don't change.

[HeartIsAching]

Why should he change? He's in a comfortable place. He works the hours he likes, he gets regular sex (probably from multiple partners) and he doesn't have to do much to maintain everything. HE has it made. Your friend wants to change that for him... she's gonna get burnt.

[DannyH]

Yes people can change if they want to change. He doesn't sounds like one of the .05% that would actually do so. Heart pretty much summed up quite well.

[davedlt]

I think in the case of this guy, the question wouldn't be can a leopard change his spots but could a leopard who has been used to running free in the jungle doing whatever he wants change and choose to live in a cage in a zoo?

If you are getting into a relationship asking the question 'can this guy/girl change?' then you are on the wrong track right from the start.