Love vs. Career

[Seiffer]

Well definitely thats not my question but its the 2 factors revolving around it

Me and my Girl had been together for 1 1/2 year already, we met up while I was stuck on a dark moment of my life and treated her as an angel eversince, we also had a lot of challenges and controversies when we became togehter and both of us successfully have gone thru it...Heres the thing

We're here on the Philippines and as some of you know,most Filipinos wants to live the american dream of earning big and help support their families here.As a registered nurse that is her goal but as of the moment getting there thru the normal process aint as easy as before,specially the demands of hospitals for nurses declined.

Her sister who lives in the US suggested for her to go thru a fix marriage with this guy and she is very much open to it, She explained to me of course that they would just be bound by papers for 2 years then divorce can come in (you know the stuff)...My issue is that It seems taht I cant force her to change her mind, for me this is in the borderline of being immoral and wrong and of course I want her first and only marriage is to be with me, she keeps on explaining that going to the US was her main goal why she even studied nursing,plus the fact that the job will support her family here.

We have argued about this a lot of times already and seriously I truly am hurting inside, admittedly when I cry about this she states her annoyance already and stating that she would rather be proud of me If I show her to keep being strong and struggle about the situation...that I show her some backbone. I asked her if it would be best if we broke up and she always replies "I dont know" sometimes "she doesnt want to leave me"

Impregnating her of course came to my mind as an idea but Im not foolish enough to do it and hear from her the regrets she has that she wasnt able to live her dreams...I want her to be happy and to attain her dreams but I dont want to lose her as well....She's younger than me by 5 years

Im also expecting that because of this soon we might go our seperate ways already but Im not ready for it or I dont know if I can take it...


The fact that I experienced a failed long distance relationship before makes me not to trust or go through as well

I dont really give out part of my life publicly,especially here on the interwebs but I honestly need support and your encouragement that I can stand again after this..

[Sonrisa]

I am fully taking her side. She needs to think about her future and there's no country like US that could provide her with opportunities for her, her family, and her future kids. If you can not accept, then you have to man up and leave her alone so that she could pursue her dream.

[sadie_genie]

If that is what she wants and it is wise of her to do (I might add) then you have to let her. If you communicate with her often and have a future planned together the relationship you have with her will last.

[Cronickay]

Do you watch greys anatomy? Idk if you can get it down there but something like what she plans on doing happened on the show..but in their case one of the doctors had agreed to do a fixed marriage with a patient who didn't have health insurance, so they got married so he could have the surgery or whatever..later on after he became well they eventually fell in love with eachother..my point is, let her go..stay in contact with her, see how she's doing, etc but alway remember there is still that chance..and in 2 years if you guys are still in contact and are still madly in love than she can get a divorce and you guys can live a happy life together..just never let your guard down..it could hurt you in the end

[davedlt]

You will stand again after this, my friend.

Reading your situation, to be perfectly honest, the question for me would not be whether or not to end the relationship, but what are the things you are going to do to help you to move on when you do?

In other words, my opinion of this is to end it now. You could do so much better. It will be the best move you could make for yourself.

This is just my opinion and may not be yours, but if someone I was with in a committed, marriage focus sense even entertained the idea of a fixed marriage for two years with someone else, we will be going our separate ways immediately. It wouldn't matter if she went through with it or not, just being open to the idea would be enough to tell me to move on. It is not that what she is doing is wrong or immoral or anything like that. It is that it would be so far from the relationship that I would want that I would not even think about it for longer than 0.3745 seconds. Secondly, if an issue was affecting me to the point where I was crying about it, and someone I was with got annoyed with that, the door would not have a chance to hit their butt on the way out they would be out so fast. Again that is just me. There are plenty of cool people I know who for some reason have little patience for people when they cry about something, but they are definitely not for me to be in a relationship with.

It seems that you are very concerned with her physically being with you. So it occurs to you to impregnate her as a way of keeping her with you. You want to force her to change her mind. I would suggest that you change your focus. I would suggest that you decide you only want to be with someone who wants to be with you no matter how much freedom they have to leave. This might be a big step from here, but you can do it.

It can be difficult to contemplate an end to a relationship, especially when you have been through a lot of hard times together. But you will get through it. When you get through it you will have a clearer understanding of what you want in a relationship and your relationships will be better. Give yourself the gift of allowing your relationships to get better.

[steviej]

Can she not get a job as a nurse in the phillipines?

[devonbrown]

I am about to arrest dave for stealing my thoughts and putting them in the comments before I can. I won't reiterate what dave said here, just re-read his comments. I think he is spot on with this one.

I see a bunch of differences of opinion between the two of you which will probably result in issues down the line anyway (your differing opinions towards marriage, the differences in how you argue about things, the lack of respect she has for you expressing your emotions, etc.). You need to take care of yourself first. I say let her go and if she comes back to you, fine. If not, that should be fine too. Treat yourself with respect and dignity first.

Good luck.

[oldskool83]

dude come to the US. change can be good. being scared of change is ok. i was in a situoatoion where gf wanted to move. i was dead set against it. finaly i realized it was for th ebetter. you'll be fine.