Can a nice kind guy go out with a girl that has been treat hadly by past boyfriends

[jimtheman36]

I just wonder can a really nice kind and caring and romantic guy really date a girl that has been treated badly by past boyfriends and had a tuf few years or is that sort of thing doomed from the start?

[98db]

Sure, give her a taste of what the good life is like. Unfortunately, girls like that tend to have self-esteem and trust issues, so be prepared for how that can impact you.

[jimtheman36]

Hey you are so very right she has low self-esteem and trust issues and sometimes she just likes not be round me. Sometimes she is hard to understand. But she has the best smile and means the world to me. I still after 6 weeks of being with her wander why she keeps coming back to me. I must have that something that she likes. I have had it tough as well so I sort of know where she is coming from and what she is going through. I have been lucky and my life is going well for me now where as she still has a way to go. It may or it may not work out for us who knows.

[devonbrown]

I still after 6 weeks of being with her wander why she keeps coming back to me.

That quote, right there, is what will doom you if anything will. You need to have confidence and be secure in yourself.

Past relationship troubles always remain as someone's baggage. The thing you have to do is figure out a way to lessen its impact on your current situation. It definitely can be done though.

Good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

Wife and I are still going through that in both directions - we both came off of horrible relationships before coming together again. An oft-repeated phrase around the house is "Unpack that baggage, love." It's a good one to remember. The stuff that we (I mean all of us) get from our exes is insidious, gets into your head and it's hard to get back out again.

Example:
the other day she picked me up at the airport... Dallas is three hours from where we live, and a city that neither one of us is familiar with, and as we were navigating away from the airport, we were (duh, had been apart for 5 days) lost in each other, went the wrong way on a freeway and didn't notice for a few miles. When we figured it out, she apologized to me profusely for getting us lost. I sort of goggled at her for a second and said "Baby, WE got us lost. There's nothing to apologize for. Unpack that baggage."

[ConniptionFit]

Women who have a history of being with abusive guys will eventually need to sabotage the relationship with a nice guy. The baggage she carries has nothing to do with the jerks she was with before. She already had the baggage. That's why she chose the jerks.

[HeartIsAching]

Women who have a history of being with abusive guys will eventually need to sabotage the relationship with a nice guy. The baggage she carries has nothing to do with the jerks she was with before. She already had the baggage. That's why she chose the jerks.

Completely wrong.

[ConniptionFit]

Completely wrong.

Nope. I'm completely right, as you you will eventually find out, unless you and/or your wife has been through therapy.

There's a reason women choose guys who don't treat them well, and unless, they deal with those issues, they will never be able to handle being with a guy who treats them well.

[HeartIsAching]

Nope. I'm completely right, as you you will eventually find out, unless you and/or your wife has been through therapy.

There's a reason women choose guys who don't treat them well, and unless, they deal with those issues, they will never be able to handle being with a guy who treats them well.

Actually, both of us have and are going, but that's not why you're wrong.

You're wrong, because you speak in absolutes. You cannot do that and be correct, it's a literal impossibility.

It also smacks of a victimizer's mentality - next you'll be saying its' her fault. It's an abuser's habit to speak in absolutes - "You're ALWAYS late! You NEVER do what I want you to do."

Please note that I'm not calling you an abuser, I'm just saying that's the sort of thing an abuser says.

[ConniptionFit]

Actually, both of us have and are going, but that's not why you're wrong.

You're wrong, because you speak in absolutes. You cannot do that and be correct, it's a literal impossibility.

It also smacks of a victimizer's mentality - next you'll be saying its' her fault. It's an abuser's habit to speak in absolutes - "You're ALWAYS late! You NEVER do what I want you to do."

Please note that I'm not calling you an abuser, I'm just saying that's the sort of thing an abuser says.

It's not an absolute, but it is true in the huge majority of cases.

Emotionally unhealthy people pick other unhealthy people. And, yes, victims do pick victimizers. Healthy people who are not victims run the other way at the first sign of victimization.

You should ask your therapist about the dynamics of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships and the responsibility people have in their choices.

[HeartIsAching]

You should ask your therapist about the dynamics of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships and the responsibility people have in their choices.

We're both well aware of them, thanks.

[ConniptionFit]

We're both well aware of them, thanks.

Well, then you should understand the dynamics of why women often end up in a string of abusive relationships and have trouble with ones that are close and caring.

[HeartIsAching]

Well, then you should understand the dynamics of why women often end up in a string of abusive relationships and have trouble with ones that are close and caring.

I do, and that's not the point. The point is it can happen, which is what the OP asked. You answered that it isn't possible, and it is. You were wrong, live with it.

[ConniptionFit]

I do, and that's not the point. The point is it can happen, which is what the OP asked. You answered that it isn't possible, and it is. You were wrong, live with it.

A woman with a history of abusive relationships is in those relationships because of her issues that cause her to be attracted to and attract those types of people.

Unless the woman has either gone through therapy, or it has been years and years since her last unhealthy relationship, she will be unable to have a close relationship with a nice guy.

It sounds like the OP is young. If this is the case, more than likely, neither of the above will be the case with the girl in question, in which case she will eventually need to sabotage any relationship she has with a good guy who treats her well.

[HeartIsAching]

More absolutes, more wrongness. Man, you're a riot.