I just have to say it

[Ltol]

This is a story about myself and a girl I loved for a long, long time. I feel so empty right now, and would like to share my story for the first time. I will not reveal her name, calling her L instead.
Excuse the mistakes/typos that you might find through this story, English is my 4th language. Also, tips and advices are more than appreciated.

I was the 'new one' when I first entered that class, 4 years ago. I had to move, not long ago, and did not know anyone in this High School. She was the first one who talked to me, and it is where I fell in love with L. Her long, brown hair and her wonderful blue eyes were driving me crazy. I couldn't speak, for her beauty amazed me everyday. I kept coming to school, day after day, just to see her, but apparently she did not know that I was upset with her.

A few months later, after being questionned by her friends, I finally told them that I loved L. They promised that they would keep the secret between us. I don't know if they told her about it, or not, I guess it doesn't matter now. I was astonished by L everytime that she was walking by, and her awesomeness was stunning me. Her beautiful smile was killing me, and when she started to speak, unbelievable music was coming out of her mouth, instead of words. We were good friends, but I was waiting for the moment to tell L how much love I had for her.

I had to think alot before doing it. The day of her birthday, I came up in front of the class and said.. "L, I love you". She did not say anything, but she smiled. The courage needed to do this could not be compared with my happiness. I thought that the wait was over, that I had her, that we're going to be together. I was wrong.

For the next 2 months, she did not speak to me. I was standing infront of my computer for hours and hours, waiting for her, but she was never connected and I could never talk to her. I stopped going outside and talking to people. I was thinking about her. L's friends kind of left me aside, and I felt so lonely. I have to mention that I was slightly overweight back then, and was a bit shy. I did not know what to do, I was depressed. I loved her so much, but what hurt me the most is when I discovered that my best friend was in love with her aswell. Me and my friend were like chalk and cheese. He was famous, funny, popular, everybody knew him. I was the silent smart guy who could always impress, but remained in his corner. I felt so bad by the end of the year that I even thought about suicide. I couldn't stand the pain.

July. With a little help from a psychologist and my friends, I could finally get over it. I started to feel better, but couldn't forget L. Then, suddenly, she spoke to me on msn by the middle of the month. I couldn't believe it. Was it real? The girl that I loved so much, more than everything else, spoke to me? So she still remembered me? I was so happy, I could not describe it. So we started to talk to each other for the rest of the summer. With the new year of school, things turned out to be different than what they previously appeared to be. L and her friends were mocking me. Stupid things started to happen such as phone calls and video requests.. "Oh my, she's gonna die if you don't go outside and run 5 times around your house", or "You have to film yourself doing something crazy or else she's never gonna talk to you again". I was in love with L, I was crazy, so I was doing every single request that she and her friends had. I thought that maybe she would like me more, maybe that would change something. It didn't.

A few months later, it was cold and rainy outside. November. She started a conversation with me on msn, and, as usual, I was excited to know what was it all about. She told me.. "You know, I respect you, I think that you're smart, but I don't love you. I never did. We can be friends, though, if you want to". I was shocked, but then thought that it could've been worse. I could ask her out, as a "friend", in a few months maybe?

But then I heard her talking to her friend about a guy that she liked. L was like "Oh my, did you see how he was looking at me? He is amazing... Not like some other guys". By saying that, she was looking straight into my eyes, smiling ironically. I felt an incredible pain, as I understood that 1 year and a half of my life went to dust. Was she teasing me? Or was it true? Anyway, one month after she was in a relationship with that guy. I started to slowly forget about her, begging myself to never say her name again, to never think about her again. I succeded for about 6 months, and by the end of the year I started to live my life "normally" again.

I got rid of that fatty, shy guy that lived inside of me for many years. During those 2 years and a half of intense love, I started to go to gym, eat healthy food, made alot of friends, got accepted in the basketball team. By the end of the school year, I've decided to start a new life.

Summer, again. I went on a trip for 2 months and did not think about L. Well.. I did, but not as much as I was used to. When I came back, the first news that came to my ears were that she was single. Again. A rush of adrenaline and hope quickly ran through my veins, and I wanted her. I did. She was so beautiful. She had grown up, we both have. Things HAD to change, I thought. This is my last chance. As a senior, I felt proud of what I've accomplished, but my ultimate goal, the goal of my entire life, was her. I forgot about hatred. I was in love again. I must admit it, it was not as crazy as the first time, but I kind of never stopped loving her during all these years. I tried to hate her, I tried to blame her, I tried to forget her. In vain. I LOVED her.
So I did it again. I asked her if she would like to go with me to prom. I was very excited and hoped that she would accept. She didn't, smiling and saying that she was going with somebody else. Who? Her new boyfriend. I didn't even bother asking how, where and why did it happen. She did not seem interested to talk to me, after flirting and teasing with me for 3 years. I quit. It was a long 3 years run, and I failed. I did learn alot from it, but I lost alot too.

I've never had a girlfriend. I never kissed any girl either. You might think that it's funny. Trust me, it's not. Still, I have alot of friends, a good life, a great family. I don't have problems socializing, I'm welcomed anywhere I go.

You might ask yourselves why I am doing this. Why I am writing such a long story. I do it because of that empty part in my heart, which has never been filled with love. I really hope that someday I will find someone. Everyday I'm thinking about it, sometimes getting desperate, but I live with hope. Please, don't judge me. I'm just another heartbroken guy on this planet, trying to find his love.

Sometimes, in college, I see a girl. That girl has long, amazing brown hair, big blue eyes and her red lips are godlike.When we look at each other, she smiles, and I smile back. I love and hate her. That girl's name is L.

[VincenzoG91]

The Friendzone is similar to Hell, except that it's easy to leave. Just turn around and walk away from the object of your obsession.

From now on, avoid the Friendzone with direct action. Next time that you find yourself attracted to a woman, approach her and start flirting with her as soon as reasonably possible. If she seems receptive, ask her out. If that doesn't work out, move on to the next woman that catches your eye. Repeat until you find one who is interested in you. Don't wait around too long before making that first approach, or you will end up obsessed and depressed again. And don't settle for just friendship unless that is all you want.

[Gratedwasabi]

High school, dude. It ain't serious business.

I guarantee you that most of those successful adults you see had a shitty time in high school and most of those popular jocks? Washing dishes, flipping burgers, etc.

High school doesn't matter. She sounds like a petty girl that was enamored with her own looks and was ****ing with you for her and her friends entertainment. She's not a good person and if you'd look beyond the outside, you'd see just how ugly she really is. Stop paying so much attention to physical appearance.

[Ltol]

You're right, I guess, but when you're upset with someone you don't see that person's defaults, the "ugly" side. Many thanks for the advice, I'll keep that in mind.