I know by the title of this post most of you are already juding me. I don't blame you. I have a problem and I thought I could fix it on my own but apparently I can't.
I didn't judge you right away, but I certainly started to as i read you sense of entitlement, low self esteem, self absorbed attitude and your Tiger Woodsette addiction.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He's the only man I've ever been in an exclusive relationship with.
It's hardly exclusive if you keep ****ing other men now is it?
Things had gotten pretty rocky for a while, and about 2 years ago things were so bad that I should have just called it quits, but instead I entered a relationship with another man.
Because you're codependent, have little self worth, are afraid to be alone, don't like yourself much and you're without integrity. Not only all that. You justify which makes you pathetic as well... Here's where you justify.
I wished my boyfriend would provide me with the love and attention that I deserved, and I never would have slept with someone else and felt that horrible guilt in the pit of my stomach,
Not only do you justify your horrible behaviour, but you blame him for making you feel somewhat guilty for your piss poor behaviour.
I did stop cheating completely after that, and we didn't exactly reconcile anything until last summer when we ended up breaking up for a few months (due to him cheating).
WTF don't you two codependent creitens just agree to open up your relationship to include others on the side? You do have to have some integrity in that situation as well and adhere to rules you both come up with and agree to and you have to be honest to the people you're ****ing on the side by letting them know that it's a no strings attached coupling with them
During that time we realized that we're too close and too in love to just call it quits, so we got back together.
This situation is THE farthest thing from love that TWO people could be in. It is codependent dysfunction and addiction to the chemical rush you get when you can pull off your cake and eating it too persona.
We both vowed that things would be different - we would appreciate each other, show each other how much we love each other, and really put the time and energy into making things work. And of course no more cheating!
Yea, just like when an addict tells themselves they'll never do it again only to cave to their craving and addiction. Addicts need rehab and counceling in order to get over themselves and their habits.
That worked for a little while. I've always flirted with other guys when I'm at work or at the gym, but never really thought much of it. I knew I wouldn't do anything wrong.
How did you come to that conclusion when you've done something wrong so many times already? Why would you put yourself in that position. That's like an alcoholic meeting his friend at a bar every night. Eventually he's going to give into his longing and have a shot.
Lately though, we've gotten back to some old habits of bickering, not listening/communicating effectively, basically the typical relationship hurdles most of us are faced with.
Again you blame him for your drecrpancy. WTF is your problem that you can't take responsibility for your own crap?
Well in the midst of all this, I left town for a business trip on my own. I met up with an old friend of mine who had moved there a few years ago and I messed up again!
yes, particularily because you always wanted to screw this guy. You are a sick puppy.
The worst part is that, although I feel guilty about it, when I think about what had happened I mostly think about how sexy he is and that I wish he lived here so we could do it again! I know it's wrong but at least I'm willing to admit it.
yep, just like an addict.
Now I could come up with some excuses - my boyfriend had been pretty mean and inconsiderate when I called him that day, I was horny without my boyfriend or my vibrator there, I was in a new city, the guy I slept with was incredibly persistent, I've wanted to sleep with him since before I met my boyfriend...I could continue, but I have no excuses.
You've given yourself plenty but you're right. There is no excuse for what you did when you could have easily ended it with your "exclusive" bf and lived a life of the ball freak that you are.
That's the first admitance anysway.
I guess it has something to do with me seeking attention from men for my own self-approval.
No shit Sherlock.
And for some reason my boyfriend's approval doesn't matter - as many times as he tells me that I'm sexy I guess I know deep down that he likes having sex with me but at the same time doesn't exactly find me irresistible.
Yea, you're addicted to promiscuity and the rush. You need counceling or if you don't want to do that, the least you could do is negotiate for an open relationship with your bf (with rules in place) or, break up with him and NEVER agree to exclusivity that you're incapable of maintaining.
My question to everyone out there is - what do I do?
My suggestion is in the paragraph above.
In an ideal world I can have my boyfriend who loves me and will stick with me through anything, and have some men on the side to keep me entertained when I get bored with having sex with one man.
You can do this if you find a man who can understand your addiction in himself as well and will therefore agree to an open relationship where you can have your cake and eat it too.
Not only is that impossible, it's horribly selfish.
Only by the way you're currently doing it. You're promising something and then you're reneging on your promise,you're a liar and you're disingenuous.
I can tell my boyfriend what happened, in which case he would 100% definitely break up with me and stop talking to me completely. Which I probably deserve.
Quit thinking about yourself so much. Your fear of reprisal It's quite gag worthy. You suffer no consequence for your shitty actions and so you continue. Your bf is a co-dependent enabler.
Or I can stop cheating and somehow find some other source of self-approval that doesn't include flirting and hooking up with boys, but it's easier said than done.
Yes, you're encapable of maintaing that dynamic without the help of someone professional working on your self worth and self esteem issues. Why do you hate yourself and think so little of yourself? Was it a bad childhood? Daddy issues? Abuse?
In fact I thought I had done that, but it turns out I've gotten nowhere.
At least you're being honest without self in that statement.
Any advice on how to accomplish this??
Get yourself into therapy.
Does anyone else have a personal experience similar to mine they would like to share?
You can get sharing all you need in group therapy.
Your welcome, thanks for realizing you have a problem. Now you just have to have enough love of self to do something about it.
I agree, i think maybe when you are in a relationship and are treated right and given what you need then you might stop this.
I don't believe people who help her to justify her actions. Unfkingbelievable. In order to be happy in a relationship you have to be happy within. You cannot expect one man or one woman to make you happy and satified without being happy and satisfied within first. You will repeat again in future if you expect your SO to MAKE you happy ALL THE TIME and in all aspects all the time.
Last edited by Wakeup; 14-06-11 at 02:15 AM.
“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion