Who is wrong?

[eddyb4u]

My situation leaves me in a mix of a lot of guilt, depression, and dissappointment.

I've been going out with a girl for over a year now... and things have been going great. She is extremely shy, and things have been developing very slowly, which isn't a bad thing. I like the rate at which this is going forth, and there have been very few issues between the two of us. Overall, it has been a very healthy, abstinent, teenage relationship.

Anyway, over the summer and until now I was feeling this feeling like something was missing. I've been telling her how I felt and all, but she rarely, if ever, talked about her feelings toward me. I think I addressed this problem at this forum a couple months ago, actually... so I finally decided to tell her head-on by email how I was feeling.

She emailed me back saying that she didn't feel comfortable talking about "serious" things like feelings... at least not yet. As heartbroken as I was, I still loved her, and did notice, if they were subconsious, some differences in how she approached me. (A few weeks later she was sick, and I told her basically, just to get better, and she thanked me for caring out of the blue by email...)

Now I'm 19, she's 17, and college was coming up in a year. We were on the topic of college, when I asked her if maybe we would still see eachother during college, since we'd be in different colleges. (I'm currently going to a community college, to transfer to a 4-year) She said we'd be in the same region, and that she saw no reason not to.

I was elated by that fact, but misunderstood what she said. I emailed her saying that I was very happy she wanted this relationship to go through college, and she wrote back saying I never actually asked her if she wanted to continue this through college, and that she couldn't definately say she did want to... not that it would neccessarily not do that, she didn't want to make decisions that far.

With that shattering reply, (I wasn't hurt that she didn't want to make the decision, I just felt that her choice of words was wrong.. she didn't WANT to, I just saw) I guess it was the straw that broke the camel's back, and while I did not go into a raging fit, I did reply saying that she hardly ever kisses me (which she doesn't) and that she hardly ever does so much as compliment me...

...she emailed me back, and I received it just an hour before I was going to her house and said I shouldn't be trying to change how she acted around me, and that she was shy... and that I should consider it very affectionate and brave of her to kiss me the amount of times she does as it is considering it's usually the boy who kisses the girl...

...so I took a couple of deep breaths, not out of anger, but out of frustration that we kept misunderstanding eachother. I went over, feeling like something awkward was going to happen, but she just came down, smiled and said "Hello." like she usually does, and I hugged her saying Hello like I usually do... and we made sandwiches, and talked about the emails.

I think we kind of came to a sort of level ground from it, even though she stood her ground that she was not going to change for me, and that I should consider that if she doesn't insult me, then she must like what I'm doing by default... fine... and considering she has never really insulted me all these months, (and trust me, she will insult you if she means it) I kind of felt flattered... and basically she said I expected too much of her, and that it was up to me to kiss her. It made me even more guilty to hear that she was having a rough week on top of all this. I know where she is coming from, since I'm kind of shy too.

Before I could conclude the dissagreement, we shifted topics, and it seems no damage to the relationship occured at least... but I want to officially conclude the relationship by email, just to make sure there isn't any confusion.

But it just sounds funny to me...

I'll have to appologize again for trying to change the way you act. I was not intentionally trying to do that, but did not know how awkward it made you feel, mostly because it wouldn't make me feel awkward to receive it, especially after we've seen eachother for this long. Either that, or I guess I was trying to change you, but thought you would change to make me feel better, but I was being selfish. As you said, if it was on topic, you would compliment me, and if we're not on topic, I should assume you like what I'm doing (although you should have notified me about that early on; then I wouldn't be wondering all this time if there were things you did really liked about me ;-) ) I am the type of guy who likes feedback. I hate assuming things because when I assume, they sometimes turn out wrong, and I like direct feedback. But I will change how I think for you, even though you will not change for me.... I will value each kiss you give me a lot more considering how much guts it takes you to give them. So am I officially forgiven? :-) I hope this whole thing does not do anything to the love we have.

Does it sound okay? Is there anything I should add or omit? And what is your personal opinion of this situation? And, also, is this a somewhat common thing with relationships?