I was assaulted...

[stryped_soxx]

Backstory: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months now, and our relationship has become stronger and more exciting everyday since the day we met. We are so in love.
About 2 or 3 months into the relationship, I visited a friend (a schizophrenic friend) who said he was having an episode and needed some company. I went over to comfort him, and he ended up forcing himself upon me. I told him "NO", and "Please stop!" at least 6 or 7 times. After a while, I was just in so much shock, and I let it happen. I was so scared and mortified, as well as hurt and betrayed by a once trusted friend. When it was all over, I felt like it was all my fault....that I should have punched him. I should have fought back. I shouldn't have even put myself in the situation to begin with. I felt as if I had somehow cheated on my boyfriend, even though it was obviously not the case. But despite everything, I still carried around so much guilt about the incident. So, tonight, I finally decided it was time to tell my boyfriend what happened. As expected, he assured me that he holds no ill-feelings toward me; he wanted to beat the crap out of the guy that did this to me....but he says he does not blame me and that he loves me just the same.
I've dated so many losers in the past that didn't give a crap about me and would kick my ass to the curb at the drop of a hat. I'm not use to such saint-like patience and forgiveness. I'm having so much anxiety, worrying if he actually does feel some kind of negative feelings toward me, whether its distrust, disdain, etc. I'm so scared of losing the best man to ever walk into my life. Is it my past that is making me anxious? Or do you think he might actually have negative feelings toward me about the situation?

[Deeza07]

I think you should listen to what he has told you...you were up front and honest with him. If he loves you, he will stand by you and hopefully be upfront and honest in what he tells you. You're obviously feeling alot of guilt - it's a terrible thing you've gone through and by a trusted friend no less. Tell your partner how you feel and what you need...be open and honest and hopefully he can reassure you of his love. Good luck!

[steviej]

Go to the police and get this guy locked up. Your boyfriend is no doubt seething with anger at someone who has hurt and violated the one he loves, retribution is needed!

[Ugly_Idiot]

As time goes on your negative feelings should fade. Good that you told him, i believe a rship is all about honesty....Faithful or not, honesty will make a rship work much better. (not saying you were unfaithful btw).

Give it time, if hes told you he's ok with it then accept that

[leoben]

Or do you think he might actually have negative feelings toward me about the situation?

He might. What happened wasn't your fault but if I were him I would probably be a little annoyed you felt the need to go over a male friends house by yourself to "comfort him". That kind of one on one emotional support should be reserved for your boyfriend, girlfriends, and family members, not random guy friends even if they are schizo. It would make me trust you less.

If you maintain clearer boundaries with male friends in the future I don't think he will have any negative feelings, sounds like a nice guy.

[Deeza07]

He might. What happened wasn't your fault but if I were him I would probably be a little annoyed you felt the need to go over a male friends house by yourself to "comfort him". That kind of one on one emotional support should be reserved for your boyfriend, girlfriends, and family members, not random guy friends even if they are schizo. It would make me trust you less.

If you maintain clearer boundaries with male friends in the future I don't think he will have any negative feelings, sounds like a nice guy.

While I mostly agree with what you say, if I were in the situation and it was a male friend of mine, I'd go to him because thats what friends do regardless of the sex of the friend - and I know my partner would support me in that...clearly the friend didn't have the same boundries as the OP so how was she to know that the boundries would be overstepped? As far as she was concerned (from what I can tell) her friend needed her so she was there for him...sadly he took advantage of her.

[leoben]

While I mostly agree with what you say, if I were in the situation and it was a male friend of mine, I'd go to him because thats what friends do regardless of the sex of the friend - and I know my partner would support me in that

Then you're putting the friendship ahead of your relationship with your boyfriend. Even if he's a nice enough guy to voice support for your actions, he isn't going to be happy about it.

[VincenzoG91]

You need to press charges against the schizo. He is mentally ill, but that shouldn't become a free pass for raping women. Let the court system deal with him, and maybe he will finally get the proper treatment.

[IncognitoSir]

I hate it when women sweep this shit under the rug like this. LOOK at what this guy did to you! You've been raped and not by a stranger, by someone you knew and TRUSTED. That doesn't just go away, it's gonna cause you a lot of emotional pain to come. This guy no matter his condition deserves some sort of punishment. I understand he's schizo but he called you to come over SPECIFICALLY to rape you, no doubt. Go to the police and thank god for a bf who truly does love you.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm sorry this happened to you.

If you don't step up, he's going to do it to another woman. You seem strong, but what if the next girl (and it could be a girl!) isn't. That he has a mental illness doesn't make it okay.

Tell the cops what happened. ASAP, the longer you leave it, the less credible your story.

[eo_ih]

About 2 or 3 months into the relationship, I visited a friend (a schizophrenic friend) who said he was having an episode and needed some company. I went over to comfort him, and he ended up forcing himself upon me. I told him "NO", and "Please stop!" at least 6 or 7 times. After a while, I was just in so much shock, and I let it happen.

You need to press charges against the schizo. He is mentally ill, but that shouldn't become a free pass for raping women. Let the court system deal with him, and maybe he will finally get the proper treatment.

You've been raped and not by a stranger, by someone you knew and TRUSTED. That doesn't just go away, it's gonna cause you a lot of emotional pain to come. This guy no matter his condition deserves some sort of punishment. I understand he's schizo but he called you to come over SPECIFICALLY to rape you, no doubt. Go to the police and thank god for a bf who truly does love you.

If you don't step up, he's going to do it to another woman. You seem strong, but what if the next girl (and it could be a girl!) isn't. That he has a mental illness doesn't make it okay.

Tell the cops what happened. ASAP, the longer you leave it, the less credible your story.

While it's unfortunate that the OP feels the way she does, there's no way this would stand up in court. So she "said no" 6 or 7 times... think carefully, guys, how many times do women say no or tell you to stop it, or push your hands away? A lot - but the expectation is that you continue regardless because that's what she usually wants.
Especially then if she stops protesting and goes along with it - what are you supposed to think? We shouldn't really guess at any further details, and I expect he would have quite a different story to tell from his perspective. It could well be that the nature of her protests and refusals were such that any one of us would have continued just as he did. Or maybe she was screaming and hitting him and he is just a crazy, evil rapist. But we shouldn't guess.

There's basically no way now this would carry any weight, it would be her word against his, with lots of poorly-remembered details about precisely what was said, and how, and what was inferred.

[VincenzoG91]

Next time, OP, grab the schizo's balls and crush them.

[MerryH]

So she "said no" 6 or 7 times... think carefully, guys, how many times do women say no or tell you to stop it, or push your hands away? A lot - but the expectation is that you continue regardless because that's what she usually wants.

What is this shit?! You are completely wrong about this. When a woman tells you to stop, you stop. You don't try to guess what she means by it, you just stop.

OP, sorry that happened to you. Your boyfriend's reaction was compassionate and respectable. I'm sure you were worried that he would freak out and get mad at you, but that's not what happened, so you can stop worrying about that now. I hope you can get to a place where you don't feel shame over what was done to you. Maybe consider some counseling. Good luck.

[eo_ih]

What is this shit?! You are completely wrong about this. When a woman tells you to stop, you stop. You don't try to guess what she means by it, you just stop.

Oh, as if. You know that's not how it works, she'll always act all coy and shy and tell you to stop, maybe keep moving your hands away when you try to take off the next item of clothing, but it's all just a game and soon enough you'll both be ****ing enthusiastically.

If a guy stopped as soon as a girl put up a fight she'd be pretty disappointed and not want to waste time with such a weak man.

[VincenzoG91]

Oh, as if. You know that's not how it works, she'll always act all coy and shy and tell you to stop, maybe keep moving your hands away when you try to take off the next item of clothing, but it's all just a game and soon enough you'll both be ****ing enthusiastically.

If a guy stopped as soon as a girl put up a fight she'd be pretty disappointed and not want to waste time with such a weak man.

You're sick and wrong, and I hope the next woman you assault has pepper spray at hand.