Well this is interesting....

[cwazy1]

As my title says, this really isnt that interesting, its just my current situation, which is definitely interesting to me because i've never had this happen before.

I was dating this girl for almost 3 months, both of us are studying at uni, and both of us are pretty busy with our lives, although I do alot more 'things' i.e. activities in college/jobs/etc. she has more focus in her certain activities and studies.

This issue started when I didnt see her for about a week and I was getting a bit anxious and called her to see if I could drop by her house and say hi, even if its for a few minutes. (she commutes, but its about a 20 min drive, from school to her place) and well it turns out that she was busy that day and I was like oh okay, thats fine, and tried to make plans later on in the week, which all of which she said she was busy doing. At that time, I somewhat asked her why she was busy all of a sudden. I came into summer break thinking we would hang out more often but it actually turned out the opposite! We would hang out all the time during the school quarter. Her reply to why we weren't hanging out as much was that she likes to spend time with her family during summer, which I totally understand and I let her know that. Basically more talking lead to somehow me saying that I always give it my all in a relationship and that I was pretty serious about ours. Which lead to her telling me that she wasnt able to see me everyday, which in response I said that thats totally understandable and I only need like maybe twice a week (I dont think thats much at all... its my threshold of time needed to make me happy) and blah blah, and alot of what I said, she would say Oh I feel bad. Mainly because I guess she hasent been putting in her all.

Basically what happened in this conversation was that I found out that she wasn't really serious about us and that I was. And also that all I wanted was just 2 days of her week where i got to see her. At the end of the convo, I asked her if she would work on this with me. She said Okay.

Later that night, I got a ****ing 5 msg long text from her saying that she isnt taking us as seriously as I am and that she 'has to stay true to herself' also that she was taking the cowards way out because I 'treated her so nicely' (alot of her previous ex's were jerks later on in their realtionships.)

So honestly,
1. I'm dissapointed that she didnt even want to try and work with me and make a middle ground that I was trying to get to.
2. Breakup over text? wtf, I thought we were past middle school.

Now I'm faced with a dilemma, shes always told me that she hates how she cant maintain communication with her ex's afterwards. Mainly because her ex's dont want to.

In the giant text, she told me that she hopes to still be friends,

Honestly, I have nothing against being friends with this girl. All my other relationships have ended terribly and I dont want to be friends with any of them, but this one, ended fairly calmly, we didnt fight or anything, it was basically that she couldnt give me what I wanted and her not wanting to hurt me, (she knows I get anxious about realationship stuff)

Should I be friends with her? I still think shes an amazing person and I look up to her and how she is, but should I leave the 'friends' thing open? meaning that I still kinda flirt and etc so the possibility of getting back together is still there? I'm sure she still has feelings for me.

Ugh, help me out guys, I'm not like having a panic attack beacuse I'm pretty good with breakups, but I want to know what I should do for the future. I still like her and i know that she still likes me, I guess shes just not ready to be serious right now.

[Cerby]

Man, you're story is very similar to mine, mine was just 4 months, and I got the "I'm just not ready for a serious relationship right now".

Take some time to yourself, away from her, go no contact for a bit and let your mind sort out if you want to be friends or not. Mine also ended like this, pleasantly, but I was (and still am) hurt. So even though we'll still be friends, I'm taking a few weeks at least away from her and contact completely.

[cwazy1]

Wow thanks for the fast reply. And yeah very similar situations.

So your ended up choosing the route where you two are still friends? Do you ever try and pursue it again? or have you completely moved on and have no desire for her anymore?

[Cerby]

Right now I'm still hurt, I don't know if we'll be friends or not, I'm just taking as much time as I need in order to make the right decision for myself. She hasn't contacted me, which makes me both sad, and glad.

I won't try to pursue again unless she does first. I'm not over her, still desire her, but need to do what is right for me, and that is leaving the situation alone.

[surfhb]

Right now I'm still hurt, I don't know if we'll be friends or not, I'm just taking as much time as I need in order to make the right decision for myself. She hasn't contacted me, which makes me both sad, and glad.

I won't try to pursue again unless she does first. I'm not over her, still desire her, but need to do what is right for me, and that is leaving the situation alone.

Good move. Stop all contact! start tonight! nothing! no contact! i know its hard but you have to push through that shit. If a girl wants you, she'll call by god!

I still like her and i know that she still likes me, I guess shes just not ready to be serious right now.

Nope! Shes doesnt want to be your friend, she just saying that to make herself feel better. Im sorry...weve all been there

[Cerby]

Good move. Stop all contact! start tonight! nothing! no contact! i know its hard but you have to push through that shit. If a girl wants you, she'll call by god!

Shes doesnt want to be your friend, she just saying that to make herself feel better

I'm on day 4, its been tough.

[surfhb]

it gets easier. Put it to you bluntly....your never going to see this girl again so go out and find a real woman who has NO baggage

[cwazy1]

I dunno about that though, why would she talk about her wanting to be friends with all the people shes 'lost' with me in the past then?

I'm on day 2, but I'm pretty much over it already... kinda, hahah

[surfhb]

I dunno about that though, why would she talk about her wanting to be friends with all the people shes 'lost' with me in the past then?

I'm on day 2, but I'm pretty much over it already... kinda, hahah

Because people will say anything to qualify themselves. Shes in the past....forget her and move forward.

[cwazy1]

What if I have a class with her after summer at university?

[surfhb]

If you see her again say hello.....my point is ,she is rejecting you for what ever reason. The ball is not in your court ,in fact there's no match anymore. Personally, Id make it a point to act has nothing ever happened between you two. Make sense? Its all a Bullshit game....playing her off just might make her want to F you again. But acting as if you really want her and need her wont get you shit....thats for sure!

[reeba]

No do not remain friends. You obviously hope she will become your gf again. Thus no you cannot be freinds. Can't move on if you are 'hoping'.

Second usually people who say 'lets stay friends' dont mean it. It is just a way to make them feel less cold.

People who break up via email/text are cowards. However, it prevents the fight or the discussion where the other person tries to talk their way back into the relationship. There is a sort of sweet finality with a email/text.

[cwazy1]

reeba, you're probably right. Should I even wish her happy birthday in a few days? just a simple 'happy bday' ?

[Cerby]

reeba, you're probably right. Should I even wish her happy birthday in a few days? just a simple 'happy bday' ?

Honestly, this is completely up to you, just a simple "happy bday" text maybe, but it will break the no-contact, and reset to 0.

[surfhb]

reeba, you're probably right. Should I even wish her happy birthday in a few days? just a simple 'happy bday' ?

no way!!! Stop it already! You need to move on....she did