About 6 months ago I met a guy online through an internet website (not a dating one).. we had one chat on Skype and it went well but I stopped chatting after that simply because I was in a new relationship and busy seeing my new boyfriend etc...
After my boyfriend broke up with me I was bored (and yes, perhaps lonely) and started chatting online again... I started chatting to this guy again after a hiatus of one month and he seemed really interested and keen to know what I'd been up to etc.
A few weeks later I told him I was looking for jobs and asked for his help in translating my cv since I'm living in Europe and need it in languages other than English. He spent so much time and effort on translating my cvs and cover letters.. hours and hours of effort, chatting or typing to me on Skype, emailing me and doing corrections and all very promptly.
I was absolutely blown away by this kind gesture which made me start to get interested in him... we always had/have a lot to talk about too and there are never any awkward silences.
Some time doing this period he told me he has a girlfriend and my heart just sank. He had only been going out with her a month or so before we first 'met' (chatted).
He doesn't talk about her much but I am more than certain they are having problems. For one thing there is quite a large age gap between them and only 3 years' difference between our ages. She is way younger than him.
We live about 3-4 hours apart and 2 months ago I had to go to his town on business. I asked if he was free to meet up and he was but we only had about 2 hours to spend together that day. 2 weeks late I had to go back again and asked if he was free. This time I made sure I took a later train home to maximise my time in this beautiful city. I was ecstatic when he said he was free again and we spent the whole day together. It was not technically a date but it felt like one. The weather was gorgeous and it was honestly one of the happiest days of my life and I'll remember it forever. I felt like I was in a movie.
During that day I noticed that he was a bit funny whenever I tried to get close to him physically. I mean just a playing tap on the hand or shoulder or even wanting to take a photo of us together. I spoke to an older and wiser male friend about this and he says it's more than likely that this guy was feeling guilty... because apart from that he was DEFINITELY giving me signs that he liked me.
He constantly praised and flattered me (and still does)... He did romantic and chilvarous and kind gestures. He doesn't make much money being a full-time student but he paid for everything and refused to let me pay for anything. He showed me some truly beautiful sights around his city. I actually felt like a princess that day but there was this horrible feeling at the back of my head (heart?) that he has a girlfriend and he's not mine...
Meanwhile, it's been about 2 months since that day and we've slowed down the chats due to both our busy schedules. However, we've resorted to emailing each other now. We write each other long and meaningful emails discussing deep topics. There is nothing mushy or overly flirty in our emails and definitely no talk about sex or anything like that. It's just a serious and heart felt discussion.
He never calls me and I never call him because we are living in two different countries and it's too expensive. However we do text from time to time. I text him more than he texts me but when I do he always replies immediately.
The other day something awful happened to me and immediately there was only ONE person out of all the people that I know, including family and close friends that I wanted to tell this to: him. I'm totally smitten. As I expected, he really did help me.
When I asked if he was free he said he would be free in about 1.5 hours. It ended up being 2.5 hours later but I didn't mind. We ended up talking on Skype (the first time in almost 3 months now) until 3am in the morning. The reason why so late was because neither of us wanted to get off the 'phone' chat. It really was painful. I was so ridiculously tired and he said he had to get up early the next morning yet neither of us was willing to make the first move to get off. We also had 3-4 silences but they were not awkward. We'd just stare into the screen and into each others' eyes and I was just falling for him deeper and deeper.. I feel that he always has my best interests at heart.. but...
I've told my story to my older and wiser friend and being a male he's given me his perspective. He says that it's very unlikely that he'll leave his gf unless there is something much much better (ie me).
The problem is, however, that we live more than 3 hours apart!! so it would in fact be a long distance relationship even if everything else was perfect.
I have several questions:
1. Is what he doing considered cheating? We've not even held hands or kissed but he did spend that whole day with me (I'm not sure if he gf knew or not. maybe not).
2. Is he interested in me or not? He never calls me but he seems to have done everything else right. He is really taking the time to know me, he cares about what I think about various topics, when we were together he was a total gentleman and kind. He spends a long time writing me long and thoughtful emails. He helps me with stuff whenever I ask for it...
3. Should I tell him how I feel about him?
4. I had considered inviting him to visit me in my home town but didn't want to ask him for fear that he'd say no (and to me that would be 'proof' that he was just not that into me) but to my surprise during our 3+ hour chat that night HE brought it up. He said he could come and visit me and I could show him the sights like he did with me that day (note he did not invite me to his place that day, and he lives alone. his gf lives elsewhere). I get the feeling it would just be a day thing he was suggesting. That's why I feel in some way he IS into me because he's never mentioned either of us going to the other's houses (because that usually means they want one thing... right?)
I feel like I can't do anything. I'm not going to even bring up the topic let along ask him to leave his current gf. I'm not an evil person like that. If he leaves I want him to do it on his own accord and will.
I've been told that if he does leave his gf what's to say he won't do it again to me... so I can't win because currently I'm miserable and even if he leaves her we'll still be in a long distance relationship and who knows what he is doing when I am not there.
Do we even have a chance, or am I just dreaming? I don't know what the solution is.
I find it impossible to even date or think about other men because my heart just wants him. I feel so sad and think about this day and night