Virginity / Penis Size Question

[danistly887]

I am a guy and have been saving myself for marriage. It's just something I believe in and something I want to do.

My worry is that I find a great girl and we are perfect for one another, and we marry and then I cannot perform or I am too small for her. Especially if she herself is not a virgin.

My penis is around 5 1/2 inches. The girth is about 4 3/4 inches, just under 5 inches. Is this fine? Is this average?

In the Wikipedia article /wiki/Penis_size it states that my measurements are around average, which surprised me. I have always had anxiety that I am too small, again, especially if my future mate has been with someone bigger.

I know some of these replies will be crazy, but I am hoping to get some real feedback, suggestions, advice etc. Thanks

[Boisdevie]

You are worried ultimately about sexual compatability. And the only way to deal with this problem is to have sex before you get married and not afterwards. Imagine this scenario - you find somebody, you get married AND then find out that sexually the relationship is not working. That would be a disaster wouldn't it?

[danistly887]

You are worried ultimately about sexual compatability. And the only way to deal with this problem is to have sex before you get married and not afterwards. Imagine this scenario - you find somebody, you get married AND then find out that sexually the relationship is not working. That would be a disaster wouldn't it?

I guess that's sort of part of my question and/or part of my worry: what does sexual compatibility even mean? What makes people sexual compatible? How much of it is on the male?

Is it length, girth, willingness to learn, ability to keep it up for a long time, ability to do oral???

I don't want to give up on my beliefs.

I am willing to learn. I can maintain an erection for a long time and I have a strong tongue/jaw. I am just worried about size and how much that has to do with sexual compatibility.

[elephantsaurus]

don't worry about it..if she loves you..whatever length that may be..she'll love it remember..she loves the wholeness of you..not just your thing

[kageri]

Size has little to do with sexual compatibility. There are a few women out there who want the biggest or have a health issue and want the smallest but they are unlikely to marry someone without knowing since this is an important thing to them. The problems come from not having enough experience for your partner- some people don't want to have to explain everything and I've had guys who despite not being virgins had to have anatomy lessons before they were even as useful as my vibrator, different people want different levels of experimentation- it often takes several different partners or a long time with one to learn what you like or dislike. It ranges from only wanting to do it in one position all the way to bdsm and risky behaviors like choking. If you don't know what you like and what your partner likes there's a chance you could end up on very different ends of the spectrum resulting in someone or both partners being unhappy, and frequency varies- It may come as a surprise but many women actually have a higher sex drive than men. I hang out on a forum that is practically dedicated to this problem. Some men won't accomplish sex as often as the woman wants and the opposite which everyone is much more aware of is true. If one partner wants sex a lot more than the other does or can do it can lead to someone feeling unloved, cared for, or at least unsatisfied with the relationship. Steps can be taken to fix this problem but only if the person with the lower drive is willing to satisfy their partner in other ways such as oral and toys.

These are important things when it comes to relationships working out. If you aren't on the same page it can cause major issues. That's why there's no way I'd marry someone I hadn't had sex with.

[MaidenMinx]

Can I just point out here that the people saying sex is an integral part of a relationship have already had it?

By abstaining until you are married you are saying to your partner and the rest of the world that sex is not the be all and end all for you. If you can find someone who shares your values then there should be no problem.

Virgin women do exist. You may actually find one.

[kageri]

Aren't the people who have had sex the best ones to point out the problems that can come from incompatibility and the issues it can bring up in a relationship which are best sorted out before marriage?

[MaidenMinx]

Sure that's one way to look at it.

Another perspective is that sex is of high importance of some of the people that have posted and a bad sex life would end a relationship for them. If you can get well into your 20's without having sex it is easy to assume that sex is not that important for them. Therefore a poor sex life would have less chance of being a deal breaker for them.

Also I think their is very little chance of someone having sex for the first time in their 20's or 30's and becoming complete and utter nymphomaniacs.

[kageri]

My husband didn't have sex until he was in his 20s and he would never stay in a relationship with a bad sex life. I was masturbating several times daily probably a good 8 years before I had sex and then spent most of my first relationship due to a selfish partner who was horrible in bed and 2 years while I jumped around in relationships doing it constantly. If you look at just my sexual history there is little there but I want to do it more than my husband is able so age before you actually have sex means nothing. The women's health forum is full of people who had sex at all different times in their lives and have relationships falling apart left and right because of sexual incompatibility. It's the main relationship complaint that comes up on that board.

[MerryH]

especially if my future mate has been with someone bigger.

You've got the wrong idea about ladyparts. There are muscles down there, you know? Those muscles keep things tight, even if she's had a bigger partner than you. It's not like putting a hole in a wall or something.

[KelE]

The answer to the main question of size. In most cases it doesn't matter. I know that sounds cliche, but it is sexual compatibility. I don't think anyone can advise another person against their beliefs because that is a very personal choice. I think as long as you honor sex with another person and don't take it lightly a person could have loving relationships where they learn if they are compatible or not. In your case, where you want to try to not have sex at all it may be a little difficult. Once again though it will not be the size of your penis or hopefully for that matter her anatomy that will be a problem. It will just be a comfortable feeling and intimacy. It's hard to explain but that is why most people are warning you that you should find out before marriage, but that is a different opinion from your beliefs. I would take the advise you get from everyone seriously though. Don't just dismiss it. At the same time be You.

[doppelgaenger]

Sexual compatibility is best determined by having sex before making a life-changing decision like marriage. If you care more about having a successful and happy marriage than having some kind of false commitment to yourself like "saving" your virginity, then do the sensible thing and just have sex. If you were in a failing marriage after years and sex was one of the main issues, and you told your wife that you "saved it for her", she would laugh her ass off out of contempt.

In short: yes, even if you have an "average length penis", sexual incompatibility is still quite possible.

[cathy22]

I know a little about the "size" issue and from what you've said in your post I wouldn't worry about making a woman happy. If there's a problem concerning size, (wither you wait for sex or not), it will be her hang up, not yours

[doppelgaenger]

I know a little about the "size" issue and from what you've said in your post I wouldn't worry about making a woman happy. If there's a problem concerning size, (wither you wait for sex or not), it will be her hang up, not yours

Knowing that this guy is going to [foolishly] wait until after marriage to find out if this is going to be an issue, I think it's a reasonable concern. And if it's her "hang up" it's also going to be a problem for their marriage. Fact of life.

If everybody saved sex for marriage, divorce rates would probably be something like 90%.

[cathy22]

Knowing that this guy is going to [foolishly] wait until after marriage to find out if this is going to be an issue, I think it's a reasonable concern. And if it's her "hang up" it's also going to be a problem for their marriage. Fact of life.

If everybody saved sex for marriage, divorce rates would probably be something like 90%.

and if he hooks up with a size queen, I'm sure that will be the case.