Life too Short?

[AnOniMouse]

My first post!

I've been in a relationship (not married) for over 5 years and have a wonderful 3 year old. For the last couple of years our relationship has been strained and we've had the "should we split up" conversation several times to date. Every time, until now, we've decided we should attempt to make it work (setting rules etc) and so we have stayed together only for our relationship to drift back to the way it was. We can just never break what seems to be a vicious circle. So, 2 weeks ago, after another one of them conversations, we decided that it would be best if my partner should move out with our child. Before she moved in with me she had serious financial problems which I've continued to help her out with but this means she'll leave the relationship with very little. My partner has decided that although she can stay with her parents, she insists that this is only a temporary measure until she finds alternative accommodation provided by the local Council given her financial situation. I'm happy to provide financial support but I don't think I could provide enough to keep them both comfortable.

We both have agreed that although we still have feelings for each other if we did not have a child we would no longer be in a relationship. However, my partner wants to give it yet another try but I'm struggling to see how we can continue as we are. My mind is a wreck and everything is so mixed up I just don't know whats right from wrong. I would attempt to try again for the sake of our son but in my heart I know that this is not right; he deserves a happy family too. People tell me that life is too short to carry on but I'd hate to think where my son will end up and what he will think of me when he gets older. Is it right to stay in a relationship just for the sake of the wellbeing of your child? Do I give our relationship another try to see if it will work? I agree that life is too short but this is all far from an easy decision to make.

Any advice please??

[fuchsia_bee]

Some people stay together just for their child...but others consider that if the parents are not happy together than the child can't be happy. My parents divorced when I was 3. I visited my father every weekend and during holidays and I really loved him. I still do. When I was 12, my mom remarried...and she is really happy with my step dad. When I was 15, my dad remarried too. Both my step parents are really nice and they love me. I wasn't an unhappy child and I knew that my dad loves me even though he's not with my mom anymore. Children usually suffer if their parents aren't getting along and it is not healthy for them to grow up between fights. But if u two think that you can live without fighting over and over again, maybe you should give it another try. Good luck and best of wishes

[OmnicronPercei8]

I come from a similar place as you my friend. My daughter's mother and I had been together for over five years and split when my daughter was five. Just after we bought a house together no less. Six months after signing she split up with me. I took it hard as it was my first long term relationship, but I wasn't heart broken. Oh at the time I thought I was, but even my friends were questioning me asking if I truly loved her or I was just in love with having a family. We fought like cats and dogs and often in front of our daughter. It took a while but I eventually admitted to myself that while I loved her, I was never in love with her. I also realized that had we never had my daughter, we would have broken up long before. If you've already admitted that yourself you would be doing your child a great service by moving on so you can both be happy with partners that will equally love your child and your heart.

Edit: actually we split when she was 3 - same as your child. That was six years ago and I'm so much happier not in that relationship!

[StrongerThanEvr]

If you still have feelings for her and she has them for you, i feel like you should try to give it one last shot. Make this time different from others, i dont know if you have considered couples therapy but a lot of couples really benefit from it. However, if you feel like there is no chance that you will be happy with her, and vice versa for her, then there is no reason to put all three of you through that type of pain.